2025-08-11: Flowers for a First-Year
- Log: Flowers for a First-Year
- Cast: Tsubasa Seki, Jun Kashihara
- Where: Hirasaka General Hospital
- OOC Date: 2025-08-11
- IC Date: Sunday, June 24 2012
- Summary: Tsubasa and Jun both have the same idea, when the week reaches its end: going to visit the boy they saved from Chidori. They find him sedated as he heals from grievous wounds, and have a conversation with each other, instead. Tsubasa isn't able to help Jun remember the attack, but Jun does succeed at giving them a permanent upgrade to a first-name basis.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Atsushi Kazama, first-year at Kasugayama High School, had a very, very bad day five days ago. He's still in the intensive care unit, following his emergency surgeries, being kept sedated to stop him from disturbing his delicate belly wounds. His family visit often; there are already flowers and cards, in his room. But this afternoon on a Sunday, his little sister has her little league game, and so his family are absent to support her in something she couldn't have known would be overshadowed by her big brother almost dying.
That means that when Tsubasa comes in, carrying their get-well bouquet and dressed in their tank top and board shorts, the nurses direct them to a room with empty chairs surrounding Atsushi's bedside. (They're allowed to visit; the staff are aware that they and Jun were injured trying to help him, by now. Of course, they didn't bring Lance, because dogs are not allowed in hospital.) "Uh..." They start, awkwardly laying the bouquet down on his belongings cabinet. "They said you were still sleepin' pretty hard, but... gettin' better, right?"
They hesitate, at the side of his bed. "Dunno... what you're really s'posed to do here," they admit, though they know they're mostly talking to themself, through the haze of all the drugs being pumped through those pipes going into his veins, or whatever they are. "Don't reckon you'd want me to take my father's example... so..."
So they just kind of trail off, looking down at him, a dozen emotions swimming in their eyes.
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
Jun Kashihara also had a terrible day five days ago, but you'd hardly realize it to look at him now. He might have almost had his mind splintered and shattered by an eldritch god wearing a face that should not be, but at least he didn't get gutted. He left the hospital the next day, even, after a nice visit from the young man who rescued him, a bouquet from his mother and a letter from his father. He doesn't even remember what happened for the most part. It's largely one big blur. Avoiding trauma through repression: that's how the brain does it.
So why does he still feel so unsettled?
There are a few reasons, really. One, of course, is that while that boy he and Tsubasa saved survived, he's still laid up in the hospital. Another is that bouquet his rescuer gave him that sent a message of moving on and letting go, and that he was happy with him. His mother noticed when his parents met with him at home; she'd asked if he'd been dating and broke up without telling either of them about it. Jun had reassured her not. Another is that Tatsuya had told him there was an 'accident' at Kasugayama, but his father's letter and the news had both claimed the school had been attacked by a rival gang. And lastly, his father, a teacher at Seven Sisters High, told him that while there is a Tatsuya Suou there, he's been skipping a lot lately...
It's been on his mind. He'd assumed at first that Tatsuya simply didn't understand the meaning of the bouquet he'd given him, but then he'd responded with the meaning of the flower that Jun had given him in thanks. It's troubling. He doesn't know what to make of it. All the little contradictions are making him uneasy, even if he finds he's awfully fine with forgetting.
So to distract himself, he's come to the hospital independently of Tsubasa and brought a bouquet of his own--something small and not overwhelming, a simple but colorful bouquet of gerbera daisies. In hanakotoba, they mean "hope" and "constant progress"--a fine message for someone healing from a critical injury. The nurses tell him that Tsubasa's already here, and so when he lets himself into Atsushi's hospital room, he's not surprised to see them there.
He does at least knock softly on the door to alert them to his presence. His beautiful features are arranged in a soft, concerned smile. "I see we had the same idea, Seki-kun," he says before slipping inside and shutting the door behind him. He sets his bouquet next to Tsubasa's and sits with them. A single look at Atsushi tells him how he's doing, so he looks instead to Tsubasa. "How are you holding up?"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Knock, knock. "Uh, sorry, I'll..."
Tsubasa was about to excuse themself and let themself out, evidently, perhaps feeling they really oughtn't be getting in the way around here. Their apology dies off, though, when they see just who's walking in the door.
If Jun has been back at school, he will surely have noticed that Tsubasa isn't, though they were discharged from hospital reasonably swiftly. Their own bouquet isn't something they could translate for him if they tried; they just took what their mother suggested.
"Kashihara-kun," they recognise him, in their usual gravelly tones. They look sidelong to Atsushi, and shrug. "... reminds me of shit. It's whatever. Least he'll be okay."
When Jun takes a seat, they finally relent to take one themself, with what must be a vague frown over their face. (It's kind of hard to tell, with their eyebrows shaved and that makeup not entirely replacing them.)
"... you?"
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
Jun did take a little time off school at his parents' insistence, but he's been back by now. It's enough for him to notice that Tsubasa hasn't been back yet, given that they're in the same class together along with Ichika. He doesn't remark on that.
"Yes... I'm truly glad he survived. I hear he was critically injured," Jun replies.
An odd thing to say. Nonetheless, Tsubasa takes a seat now that Jun has established that it's okay to sit down. He looks back at them when they prompt him with a vague smile.
"Quite well, all considered. I understand the events of that day were quite horrifying, but for me, they're largely one big blur. Only a few little bits and pieces make it through."
Like how he and Tsubasa were trying so hard to save Atsushi. And... how Tatsuya Suou came to his own rescue, though Jun is divorced from the context of what he was saving him from. He's been worried about a lot, but for some reason that much hasn't been bothering him.
"I hope that doesn't make you feel bad," he adds for some reason. "It's not like I meant to forget."
And for some reason, those words make his chest ache painfully. He clutches the lily tucked in the breast pocket of his summer uniform shirt.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Yeah." Tsubasa's frown deepens. "It was pretty bad."
He had an AXE in his ABDOMEN, yeah it was pretty bad!!!!
Jun says he doesn't remember, though, and Tsubasa glances down at the armrest. "Oh, yeah?" They ask, as they look back on the day themself. They think they remember things quite well, really...
... and they don't recognise the lacunae in their own memories, where they've hollowed out impossible things and filled them in with plausible fiction.
So when they take inventory of themself -- they think they remember just fine.
But... he didn't mean to forget.
Tsubasa frowns, looking over to him again. They caught something, in that defence, and it thins their lips as they press together in concerned thought. "You, uh..." They hesitate, unsure whether they'd be screwing him up more. "You want me to tell you?"
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
"Yes. I remember talking to the Death Boss just before everything, and having a bad feeling about that girl in white..." Chidori, as Tsubasa will recognize (albeit as the girl in the lolita-goth get-up). "And you were there, and there was a lot of blood..."
Jun clutches his head, a haunted look crossing his face. He shakes his head. "And that's about it... aside from Suou-kun. I suppose he came in just as it was all over..." He gives them a strained smile. "...which makes sense, if he was saving me."
Another odd thing to say, considering how Tsubasa saw things go down. But then, Jun literally admitted that things were a blur, so it only makes sense if the parts he does remember are also messed up.
He pauses, eyes going wide (although only one's not visible behind the curtain of his bangs), at their offer, though. "Are you sure, Seki-kun? It had to have been an awful experience for you too. I don't want to force you to re-live it..."
He doesn't say no, though.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Eh?" Tsubasa asks, when Jun brings up a 'Suou-kun', their voice scrunching up as they try to recall that fact.
Of course, they remember it differently.
Jun's eye(s?) widen, though, and Tsubasa wonders just what that means for his psyche here. Just because they survived psychiatry doesn't mean they understand it; they wonder whether he can cope, for a moment.
But that's kind of a shitty thought, they insist, to themself; just because Jun's a pretty boy doesn't mean he can't rumble. He's not, like, fine china or some shit.
"I relive shit for free," is how they elect to reassure him, then. (Do they realise how much they've just told on themself with their own traumas? Certainly not.) "It's cool. So, uh..."
Well, there's one thing they're not going to tell him, at least. "So, uh, there were these weird people in costumes who hit the school. When you, me and Death Boss got down there, there was some people who came in to fight 'em, like -- mostly adults, I reckon, but there was this other girl in a costume who didn't like the rest of 'em. That goth loli chick gutted that kid, and then, uh..."
Tsubasa pauses. "Then the Joker Killer started tryin' to kill the Death Boss," they settle on explaining, straight-up.
How could they know not to say something like that?
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
"Oh, he..." Jun pauses. He's that popular boy from Seven Sisters High School, he'd been about to say, but Tsubasa is relatively new to Kasugayama and might not know about its long-running rivalry with Sevens, especially since they wouldn't have the investment a boy of Kasu High would. "He said he was a passing motorcyclist," he says instead, because he was certainly wearing motorcycle leathers--as beat-up as they were.
(Jun worries about that, too. He had to have been through a lot... But then, the same goes for everyone who was there.)
Jun laughs at Tsubasa's reassurance, though it's the sort of laugh that precedes the thought of 'wait, that's actually messed up.' Jun keeps that thought to himself. Either way, Tsubasa's willing, so he listens...
Mostly adults. Jun frowns. "That's strange... If this was an outside gang coming to start something with Kasu students, why adults?" Their school is infamous, but surely not so infamous that adults would come by to try to murder them. He rubs his head. He's feeling uneasy again. He wants to know, but something in him tells him he mustn't remember... and that's probably wise--if his brain repressed those memories, it's surely for good reason. Maybe he should just leave it alone...
Then Tsubasa mentions the Joker Killer.
Jun's eyes fly wide as he freezes. His breathing becomes more labored. "The Joker...?" Slowly, he folds in half, fingers clutching his scalp. His heart is racing; he feels like he's about to be sick. His pupils dilate as he stares into nothing. "Why... Why does that feel so frightening...?" he mumbles.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Mm," Tsubasa frowns. Motorcycle leathers...
Should they tell him?
Jun takes it as a joke, though, and Tsubasa shrugs it off, because it's better for them if it does sound like a joke.
"Dunno," Tsubasa shrugs, when Jun asks about the adults. "I knew a couple of 'em -- dunno why an art guy was there, but Shimizu-san mighta saw the explosion and run towards it instead of away, reckon she's like that." Beat. "They were tryin' to help," they assure him.
But --
"Hey, dude, the fuck?" Tsubasa stops in their explanation, when Jun doubles over. "Yo, Kashihara-kun?" Gingerly, they reach over to shake his shoulder, gently. "Jun-kun!" They try, more insistently.
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
"Oh, I see," Jun says. "I apologize--I misunderstood who you meant the adults were." If the adults were people coming in to try to help, that does make more sense.
Not that teen gangs engaging in arson and attempted murder does make sense, but it makes more sense for children to be stepping to children, at least.
But then Tsubasa invokes the Joker Killer, and Jun is immediately unwell. He doesn't respond to Tsubasa immediately, but when they shake his shoulder and address him by his given name, he startles upright. "Ah!"
Once again, he stares at them with wide eyes. This time, at least, he settles into a softer look. "I-I'm sorry. I just got the chills for a moment." He still doesn't feel well, but that momentary terror has ebbed, at least. He takes a deep breath and lets it out. "The Joker Killer... you said? I didn't hear about that on the news..."
He says that sort of distantly, though--the underlying assumption being that he missed something rather than Tsubasa being wrong or lying. "And he was after the Death Boss? He always is getting into trouble..."
His head pounds. Jun rubs in again, grimacing. Somehow that feels familiar too, but--why? He's the biggest boss at Kasugayama. It's just a true statement. Why does he feel this way...?
"I'm sorry, do you mind if I open a window? I'm feeling lightheaded..." he adds. His gaze softens, and he adds tentatively, "...Tsubasa-kun."
He did hear you use his name after all.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"H-hey, it's cool," Tsubasa stammers, a little, seeing the pallor to his face. "Are you..."
Part of them, recognising that this is way out of their wheelhouse, just wants to call for help. But they remember the way Dr. Inoue acted, and it gives them pause, even though they're here in a hospital which is supposed to be the one place which is for sure good at handling this shit.
They listen to him trying to reason through it all, feeling a touch pale themself, though of course no one could tell behind all their layers of artifice. "... go for it," they encourage him, feeling a little bad that they're kind of happy to hear him echoing their name like that when he's currently having such a bad time.
"It's, uh... the media and shit isn't reportin' on it. Maybe they don't wanna cause a panic or nothin', but... my doctor even told me I was, uh, havin' an episode. Y'know, made it up. Maybe he was scared it'd be, uh... overwhelmin', like that..."
Tsubasa pauses, again. "You -- sure you wanna hear 'bout this shit?"
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
Jun doesn't respond at first. In fairness, Tsubasa didn't finish their question, at least initially. After a moment, he does get up and move to the windows; they only crack open rather than fully open, but it's still enough to get a fresh breeze inside. His color does improve a bit after that, at least. He takes another deep breath; holds it; lets it out slowly.
He turns around, leaning on the wall next to the window, arms folded behind his back. "I see..." He bows his head for a moment, absorbing this news--or, technically, lack of news. They pause, and he falls silent. It lasts for a moment, even after their completed question.
Then: "No," he decides. He gives them a weak smile. "My psyche went through all that trouble to repress whatever trauma I suffered; it would be quite ungrateful of me to undo all its hard work."
He does look sad about that, though--sad, and a little frustrated. Jun isn't a fan of the idea that he's so mentally weak that he needs to be coddled like this, but if even a mention of it is getting him this badly... He doesn't want to worry his mother and father by needing to be hospitalized a second time.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"It's... it's cool, dude." Maybe it's better this way, even, Tsubasa reasons to themself. If Jun doesn't remember, then he won't remember how they tried to defend him and ate shit with no effort from that guy in the leathers at all.
They think of that, though, and realise there was only one guy in motorcycle leathers there, and realise the danger Jun might be in -- as far as they can tell.
"Just... just one thing. That dude in the leathers?" They venture, delicately, despite Jun's feelings over being fine china. "... be careful about that guy. He wasn't... helpin' you. I... I mean, I saw everythin'."
Well -- they saw Tatsuya making Jun scream as if he was dying, saw how it was so impossible to oppose him they ended up from the ground just by trying, and saw him act like he was he gave a shit moments later. The fact that one of those images was photo-negative has escaped their memory entirely, because what human looks photo-negative? No -- he must have looked like Tatsuya, the whole time.
"I--I won't tell you 'bout it or nothin'," Tsubasa adds, after a moment of silence to assure themself their memory isn't lying to them. "Just -- don't want somethin' happenin' to you or whatever. Uh, I guess, 'cept the shit I just did to ya... sorry, man."
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
"Mm." And that's where the topic seems to lie. Jun looks over at Atsushi with concern, but he's still asleep--well, still sedated, but same difference. It doesn't seem like there's much point in sticking around here much longer; Jun and Tsubasa did their best to save his life, but Jun doesn't know him personally. With Atsushi still unconscious, it might be best to leave, having expressed his well-wishes in the form of flowers (the best form possible, in Jun's opinion).
However, Tsubasa speaks up about Tatsuya. He... wasn't helping? Jun looks up at them, confusion in their dark brown gaze. "What? But..."
But that doesn't match up with what little he does remember at all. Even if his memory is faulty, he spoke with Tatsuya afterwards, and he was so sweet to him. He brought him a bouquet and everything--and while the meaning of that bouquet is likewise confusing, it wasn't bad.
At the same time, he doesn't think Tsubasa would lie to him. They're clearly concerned, even if they're awkward about it as so many Kasugayama students tend to be. It's too confusing for him to make sense of, so for now, he puts it aside. Instead, his gaze softens at their apology.
"No, you asked if I really wanted to know, and I didn't stop you. You didn't do anything wrong," he reassures them. "I'm just frustrated at how... fragile it turns out I am." His fine features turn gloomy. "There are a lot of people who assume that about me based on how I look and who I'm attracted to, as I'm sure you've heard. I hate that I've just proven them right."
He's silent for a moment before he realizes the implications of what he's just said, and he quickly adds, "Oh, I don't mean you, though! I truly appreciate your concern." He offers them a small smile. "It's only natural to worry about... a friend."
He lets silence hang after that on purpose--to give Tsubasa the chance to accept or reject his implication.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Jun is confused, but Tsubasa's scared about how much they can clarify, without making him look like he's about to hurl again. (If they were thinking straight, they'd realise they're in a hospital and they have bags for that. ... hey, wait a second, can Tsubasa ever be said to be 'thinking straight' when their gender is a big fat X?) They don't want to end up screwing him up... and they'd be lying if they said they weren't worried he might lash out at them if he thought this guy was actually cool.
Still... Jun's got a lot of feelings about being seen as so easy to screw up.
Before Tsubasa speaks to any of them, though, they affirm: "Yeah. It's like that. You, uh... you cool with Jun-kun?" It's something they feel like they should clarify a little more explicitly, given the present situation.
They rub at the back of their neck, looking at the window. (The view from those things always suck.) "Uh, for what it's worth, I was thinkin' when I wasn't sure if I should say shit that you weren't like, a china plate or whatever, so it was stupid to think like that. Yeah, you're not like, wrestlin' a lot of guys, but it's not like you can't floor a dude? I mean -- uh --"
Man, what DO they mean? They have no idea what they're talking about right now.
"Shit, sorry, I ain't like -- the Boss would know what to say here," Tsubasa offers, apologetically. "But just, like... you can't cope with one kinda thing. I don't reckon that means you're suddenly a fragile guy. It's fuckin', like, serial killer shit... anyone would be fucked up by seein' that." Especially with the killer acting so friendly to Jun, though Tsubasa doesn't say that part. "Reckon you're havin' a real normal time about it all, actually. Just... normal sucks."
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
There's no thinking straight for either of them.
Jun at least isn't going to lash out at Tsubasa for speaking against Tatsuya. In the end, he only met them properly once, and it's entirely possible he was misremembering and Tatsuya took advantage of that. It doesn't feel right, but Tsubasa has no reason to try to trick him, and Jun only has his feelings to go on--and feelings can be irrational. He'll take their warning seriously, at least.
Maybe Tatsuya did hurt him. Maybe he felt bad about it afterwards, and that's what that bouquet really means. It still doesn't make total sense, but... it unfortunately makes more sense than before.
"Yes... if you're all right with Tsubasa-kun, of course," he replies, a touch shyly. Jun is a sociable person with loving parents, but he doesn't actually have any truly close friends. It would be nice to be able to get closer, especially to someone who's queer like him--if in terms of their gender rather than their sexuality. (Well, being non-binary automatically means their sexuality is also queer. Still.)
He falls silent when Tsubasa continues, trying to reassure him with that same awkwardness. Still, Jun has been dealing with awkward Kasu High students for years now, and, in the fullness of their explanation, he does understand the point they're trying to make. He even laughs a little at the end.
"That's very true. You're right; I'm being too hard on myself," he thus concedes. "As you say, it's only normal to be afraid of a serial killer." And the way his pulse speeds up just stepping around the topic, the way he automatically clutches his arms to his chest--that only underscores the point, right? He doesn't behave like this normally. He's discovered a new fear of his... that's all. He takes another deep breath, in--out. "...And thank you for the warning about Suou-kun. I'll be careful going forward."
He looks again at Atsushi. "...I almost hate to say it, but it's a good thing he's asleep, isn't it? We wouldn't have had a chance to talk like this otherwise."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa, at least, isn't trying to trick Jun. They've relayed the truth as they understand it!
(There are some things they know they don't really understand, given Ichika's weird get-up, but thinking about how she's so much stronger than they are is kind of a painful topic they'd rather not do too much.)
"Sure," Tsubasa confirms, with a nod. Their sexuality is kind of a mystery, though there are a few rumours that they used to have a boyfriend back at Akiyama before 'they' became a 'they'; certainly, no one's been brave enough to take a shot.
Thankfully, Jun manages to take Tsubasa's rambling and pull meaning out of it, anyway. (And it becomes eminently clear they were assigned female at birth when they are given cause to speak more than three words in a row, which might be why they're normally so laconic; their usage of filler words and talking until they find their point isn't something which matches how most boys talk.) "Yeah, just give yourself a break, dude. You're cool."
They look over to Atsushi, rubbing the back of their neck. "It's, uh... better for him, too," they suggest, glancing at the bags hanging on poles full of whatever the fuck. "Last time I was in a place like this... it was way worse bein' awake. Uh, sometimes they gotta pull you out to check whatever, I guess," they add, uncertainly, "but I got no fuckin' clue how it works."
... still, they know what it's like, to be in a hospital bed like this. Maybe they're trying to offer Jun an olive branch of demonstrating how he's not the only one who's freaked out over whatever.
"... might visit him again later," they suppose, shrugging a shoulder. "I dunno if... they're gonna say he's nuts, too. Guess you can say I'm concerned, or whatever..."
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
The truth is a funny little thing. For those like the two of them, who still get to sleep through the Dark Hour in their coffins, there is so much of it that they won't get to see clearly, if at all.
Jun's smile broadens enough to part his lips when Tsubasa agrees to that increase in familiarity. "Thank you," he says, of that and of being 'cool.' "But don't forget to be kind to yourself, too." His gaze is sympathetic as he folds his arms. They were there that night, and they have to deal with remembering whatever happened. It... must be incredibly difficult, to be the only one to remember.
(This thought nearly brings him to tears. For a moment, he turns to look out the window and fuss with trying to open it a little more, just long enough to get his sudden surge in emotions under control.)
He looks over his shoulder when Tsubasa implies their own hospital stay. Jun doesn't know their past, but given those burn scars of theirs, he can imagine just how intense a stay it must have been. And, in the blur of that night, he thinks he remembers heat and flame... It's only a flicker of a memory, coming only as Tsubasa mentions their own hospital experience, but it's enough.
He's glad he reminded them to be kind to themselves. He won't press them to share about their own experiences. That was already bad enough the first time--especially now that he's fully realizing they weren't joking earlier. It really was messed up...
"Let me know when you do." 'When,' not 'if,' because if it really was just a 'might,' Jun thinks they wouldn't have come in the first place. That is their kindness, for all their brusque and caustic exterior. "I'll come with you." He offers them a smile. "If we're 'nuts,' we may as well be nuts together."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Really, it's a wonder Tsubasa knows this much. (They don't know what they don't know, about the things they don't remember happening.) It's still freaky to them that serial killers are, like, a real thing instead of a story in a book, but somehow they're managing to cope.
... it helps that they've been able to think there's someone there protecting them, whenever this shit comes up.
"Uh, to myself... yeah," Tsubasa says, more evasively, glancing away. "See what I can do."
It's way too weird to talk about how hard that is for them, though Jun might intuit a little of it, anyway, with how much he's able to tell about what they have shared.
He can tell they're more determined than they sound, too. "Sure," they nod, standing from their chair. "Thanks. But yeah, better beat it for now... my dog's gonna get worried if she's locked up much longer. ... good to see you, yeah?"
Tsubasa lifts a hand in a wave, as they head out of the room.
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
It is pretty easy to intuit, given how Tsubasa doesn't meet his eyes and sounds remarkably unenthusiastic about the prospect. His gaze is concerned, but he doesn't push the matter. Jun's had a fairly normal life; he doesn't have the kind of self-hatred that makes being kind to oneself difficult to do.
He'll just have to be a good friend to them, then--to support that spark of determination they do have.
"Likewise." He waves them goodbye, and adds, "See you at school, I hope."
Just to gently encourage them to come back to class. He'll see himself out soon enough too.