2025-08-14: Two Pennies for the Freak Show
- Log: Two Pennies for the Freak Show
- Cast: Tsubasa Seki, Julian Marlowe
- Where: Kasugayama - Counsellor's Closet
- OOC Date: 2025-08-14
- IC Date: Monday, June 25 2012
- Summary: Tsubasa goes to the guidance counsellor after beating up some girls for their bullying, only to remain one of the most difficult cases at school. Julian manages to make more progress, this time, encouraging Tsubasa to move towards what they want -- the same advice they're giving everyone else.
- Content warning: Suicidal ideation
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Hey," a girl whispers, to her friend. "It's that guy with the shitty tan. You think it's true?"
"Like, what?" Her friend asks, snapping bubblegum between her teeth.
"They say his head's all fucked up under that wig," the first girl whispers, not quiet enough. "Super scarred and gross, like some kind of horror movie monster! He don't even have hair on half his head!"
"Cool," Bubblegum Girl says, with another snap. She shifts her gum to the side of her mouth, to call out: "Hey, freak show! Show us your skull!"
That was how Tsubasa was greeted, when they came back to school, today. And of course Ichika's gang absolutely crushed the two gossipers at lunch, jumped them and introduced their teeth to the concrete, but it doesn't make Tsubasa feel much better about not just going right back home. Really, they might have just called it quits right there...
... if Ichika hadn't suggested going and talking to, ugh, the guidance counsellor.
So that's how they end up here, after lunch, when they're supposed to be attending class. Those girls wouldn't dare snitch about getting into a fight, but rumours might have circulated, anyway. "So's we're clear," Tsubasa says, folding their arms and leaning their chair back on two legs, "I don't even wanna be here. So just, like, shut up." At least their burns have largely healed, so they can lean back on the chair.
And that's kind of how it's gone, for a good half an hour. Tsubasa just kind of sits there, daring Julian to tell them they're using the chair wrong... keeping an eye on him. It's not like they say, at any point, that they need to get used to him; Julian might realise that, anyway, given how skittish they've previously been.
After a long span, they thonk the chair back down on four legs so they can reach out to grab some of whatever he's got on his desk, only to fold their legs while they're worrying that. (Of course, they're in the boy's uniform, so they don't need to worry about crossing them.) There's nothing unguarded about their posture. They're... a very complex young person.
But... eventually, their hands moved from tightly tucked into their elbows to rubbing at their arms. "Hey," they say, their gravelly voice quiet. "Sorry, uh, I was a dick and ran out on ya. Y'know. Before."
Their gaze darts, evasively, over to a filing cabinet jammed in way too close to their chairs. "A lot of shit's been goin' on... I really wasn't gonna come back. But the Boss said I oughta tell you. Dunno what good it'll do when they're right. I am fuckin' hideous, man." That's not the kind of language they usually use. "He was right. Whatever."
So, who told them that?
"Guess you just wanna know if I stabbed that kid, though," they shift back to defensiveness, too unnerved by sharing the real point. "If you give a shit, I didn't. Had to buy a new uniform 'cuz there was too much blood on mine, though... fuckin' hospital threw it out. Shit, truth is, I got burned by that fuckin' Joker Killer's Molotovs since I was holdin' him and couldn't do shit else," and the report the hospital gave then detailed burns to their back, which suggests the way they shielded him with their body, even if they don't. "Fuck, even when that, what'd he say his name was, Suou-san, even when he was makin' Jun-kun scream like he was draggin' his guts up through his throat, all I got kickin' the fuck was fallin' on my goddamn back... hit my head, too, so now I can't go smash this one fuck's face in else I'll become a vegetable or whatever. Worst thing is, the piece of shit acted like he gave a shit a minute later, like literally a minute after he about fuckin' killed him the prick was acting like he was comin' in to save him and all I could do was yell at him to get away not like that did shit and the fuckin' Joker Killer's real and..."
At some point in that increasingly-distressed piece of rambling, they started crying. "Fuck it, nothin' I can do!" They yell, planting a hand on their face. "I can't do nothin'! Not one damn thing! I'm nothin', I'm... fuck, you know what I just keep thinkin'?" They don't bother waiting for an answer. "If I just called my own number and gave him my name, at least I'd have done somethin' right!"
<Pose Tracker> Julian Marlowe has posed.
Julian hasn't had a day that couldn't be termed 'a busy day' ever since the incident last week. If it's not counseling sessions (many of which mandated and only a formality, to be fair, as not too many of the students present that day actually saw anything of note happen), it's been compiling reports. Not just regarding the sessions for his own administration... the school expects an assessment on the involvement of certain individuals of which there's reason to suspect some kind of direct involvement with the events. Including one Tsubasa Seki.
To say that doesn't sit well with Julian would be an understatement. He certainly won't break his oath of confidentiality, so all he can really submit is his personal andor professional opinions. He already knows what those are. But as he's also stressed to those pressuring him to hurry up with that report, he'll need to actually speak to all the individuals involved, first. No one is going to be thrown under the bus on his watch.
He had been wondering if there'd been actual efforts to keep Tsubasa off the list of students mandated to see him. But even if that were the case, that doesn't stop them from barging into that office themselves, does it? He was visibly surprised about that, but very glad for it. Even with the claim that it wasn't their choice to be there... they're still here. He has an idea about who he may have to thank for that.
Following brief, one-sided pleasantries, Tsubasa insists on him shutting up, and all he says about that is, "As you wish." He didn't speak a single word, after that.
He has been doing other things, however. Such as refilling his cup of tea, and having a scone, letting Tsubasa decide their own wishes in that regard. Writing in his notepad while remaining seated at the table, acting like Tsubasa isn't there, let alone comment on how they happen to be using the chair. What's he been writing about? Well that would require showing interest, not something one can do while insisting on silence.
It's not that he doesn't care, far from it. He just acknowledges that the best thing you can give certain people is time. He decided long ago that he wouldn't be the one deciding the exact shape his sessions would take. That's fully up to whosoever steps through the door to his office.
He is, of course, quick to respond once he is addressed. It only takes that 'hey' for him to look up from his note-taking, and put the pad down. He wasn't quite certain what to expect, but to start off with an apology, that seems like a good sign. Even if he didn't really feel like there was anything to apologize for.
"Think nothing of it. Emotions get the better of all of us, at times." Hard as though it might be to picture him losing self-control to that degree, it's not as if he's a machine.
And there it is, The Boss. He figured. Not to interrupt too much when they just started talking, all he'll say for now is, "There's no harm in sharing your perspective. I for one am interested in hearing what you have to say." While a slight smile, he adds, "Even more so after all this anticipation."
'Argue your actual opinion more rather than letting others' define you', is what he'd really like to say. But that wouldn't be helpful. You can't convince someone they don't deserve to be treated so harshly by using harsh words yourself.
He remains silent throughout the torrent of words that follows, letting Tsubasa get everything off their chest. Now his eyes do remain on them the entire time, hoping his calm expression will be considered free of judgement enough for them to not decide to immediately depart before he can get a word in edgewise. Ultimately that too is Tsubasa's decision. That's how it needs to be, in his estimation.
...He can't keep himself from grimacing, though, when they suggest calling the Joker Killer on themselves. But that's not where he starts. He thinks there's something far more important he needs to assert before anything else.
"I believe you."
Hoping that will be sufficient to draw attention, he folds his hands together and continues calmly, feeling that distress is better calmed by not calling attention to it, and tackling what caused it in the first place.
"...If you find that claim on its own to be unconvincing, there were witness accounts that vouched for you. I'm not at liberty to discuss their nature," because they were said in the context of a counseling session which is confidential, "But suffice it to say that I've already made it clear in my reports that you were a victim, not a perpetrator. The school will not be holding you accountable for having any part in the cause of this incident."
Can he promise that? Technically, no. But he can promise what will happen if that should end up not being the case.
"...Or else they'll have to deal with me."
There may not be actual anger in his voice, but there is conviction behind it. He will NOT allow the innocent to suffer any undue consequences, especially not those who have already suffered quite enough.
Ultimately though, what he believes is most important is to not call attention to negativity, but rather emphasize the positive, easy as it is to lose sight of which in the case of traumatic events.
"...That being said," he continues, the usual calm returning, "There were no fatalities in the incident, which is something I doubt I would have been able to say without your involvement. You helped save Atsushi Kazama's life, Tsubasa-san. You made a difference that day. If no one else has said this to you yet, then allow me to be the first." He bows his head low.
"I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. This world would truly be a better place, if more were as selfless as you."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
It's... a different approach than Dr. Inoue took, that's for sure. (And it was even before Julian began talking; Denji would never have let Tsubasa just exist for that long.) Apparently, people saw... well, Tsubasa can guess who did, but if they say too much about that, it'll be trouble for her.
They'll just have to remember 'Ichika' was there, too.
"Tch... he weren't there for me," Tsubasa argues back, though, on being called a victim. "I weren't much more than collateral. You oughta worry 'bout the Death Boss and Jun-kun."
They're including Jun in the Joker Killer's list of victims; he sure seemed like he was making it personal, let alone 'Tatsuya's' assault.
"But..." They start, more delicately, before settling on, "cool. Sure." It's a tentative way of accepting his feelings on whee the guilt lies, but at least they're not telling him he wouldn't.
They shake their head, face still clutched in their hand, as Julian thanks them. "Y'ain't the first guy to say that, but I barely did shit, man. Fucker kept throwin' Molotovs or whatever and I was wailin' like a fuckin' baby, Jun-kun had to fuckin' take care of me on top of the kid... didn't even remember shit what coulda helped him. All I did was cart him outta there, and even then that fuckin' Suou-san jumped us in the stairwell and assaulted Jun-kun... took all these outsiders pourin' in to really help the kid."
Tsubasa's throat seizes up, in a sob. "A-and they all saw me! Saw how fuckin' ugly I am! Fuckers are talkin' 'bout it, too! I don't even wanna BE HERE!"
Oh.
Tsubasa doesn't mean 'here' as in 'Julian's office.'
Tsubasa means 'here' as in 'Kasugayama'.
At least.
<Pose Tracker> Julian Marlowe has posed.
That's something Julian hopes he'll be able to impress upon the students, with time. That he's here for them, not the other way around. For him, this isn't about a doing a job, it's about making a difference. If it feels like he'll be able to do more of that, he'll gladly set aside any other plans he might have had.
Tsubasa brings up the actual targets, of which Julian claims, "Excellent point." Not about the Joker Killer not having been there for Tsubasa, so much as, "Eikichi Mishina and Jun Kashihara likewise survived, despite appearing to have been directly targeted. <Mister> Kashihara's recovery was especially striking. I believe he also was in your company, was he not?"
He's knowingly beating around the bush, letting Tsubasa fill in the blanks. The main implication of course being that Jun could have suffered a worse fate had they not been there. Though it should also be notable how he isn't denying the Joker Killer's involvement. He can't directly confirm that, but he did say 'I believe you', as a blanket statement.
...With luck, perhaps Tsubasa will go so far as to eventually reach the deeper implication that if THIS sort of incident can happen by involving the Joker Killer, maybe that's not something you should want to invoke for any reason. Ah, it would be so much easier if he could just say 'don't call the Joker Killer on yourself or anyone else'. But what would a rebellious teenager commonly do when you tell them not to do something?
Though he attempts to stay calm for Tsubasa's benefit, he's once again feeling the pang of regret when someone becomes this distressed, only being able to use his words for aid. Situations like this have a way of making his mind wander to more... creative solutions, to ensure there would be no further, as they say, 'talking shit'. But no. He needs to stay focused on the matter in front of him.
"'All you did'?" he says, again focusing on but a small part of the equation that is easy to poke holes in. "You were in an exceptionally dangerous situation. Most would have ran - most did. But not you. You stayed, as long as was necessary to ensure that boy's safety. While Mototovs were flying around."
He lowers his head. Looks like he can't really avoid talking about this part. He can only hope what he can say about that has the intended effect. He seeks to meet Tsubasa's eyes, saying, "Tsubasa-san," pausing a moment to allow for a moment of recomposure.
"At the risk of repeating myself... you knowingly put yourself in harm's way. But not just any harm. In other to protect another, you went so far as to confront fire. I apologize if this reopens old wounds, but I have strong reasons to assume that this may have been one of, if not THE hardest thing for you to do. It was very brave of you to still make that choice. And it's no more than understandable that you're experiencing distress at the consequences. ...No one who didn't go through what you did can truly know how that feels. But..."
He leans forward slightly. "You are no lesser for it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You are who you are, those who cannot accept that simple fact are not worth your notice."
...Perhaps he let a bit too much personal sentiment slip into things, there. But, he too can't help but be who he is.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
It's hard for Tsubasa to imagine anyone being there for them, even if they know Ichika would never stab them in the back and Reiko hasn't ever let them down. But then, Julian would be very familiar with the concept --
When a child is abandoned consistently enough, they'll start abandoning themself to get it over and done with.
"I couldn't do nothin'," Tsubasa repeats, sullenly, when Julian tries to credit him with Jun's safety. "I couldn't do nothin'." And it's a deep sense of disempowerment they voice, chains which keep them locked down and...
Well. What could they possibly do in the face of such an impossible assault?
It's true there are kinder ways of fulfilling Hanzou's wishes for the 'collateral', though.
He points out that most students ran away from the horrors instead of towards them, though, and Tsubasa snorts, glaring at Julian for a moment from between his fingers. "There was a girl screamin' like she was dyin'," they snap out. "Fuck, day after I ran into him -- how wasn't I gonna help her? Dunno what even happened to her..."
Evidently, they didn't get to see Pixie burning to dust.
They quiet, at least, listening to Julian; and stiffening, as they remember just what they were up against. "I-- I... s-shit, man, what was I gonna do? Drop him and bolt? You drop a guy in that condition, his guts all come out on the floor, probably... a-and I couldn't..."
They couldn't just let him get burned to death while he was already bleeding to death? What kind of stupid mercy is that?
"Fuckin', don't know what choice I even made," they settle on, after a moment to berate themself internally. "I just -- did it. Not like I had time to think..."
They rub at their eyes, getting their makeup all smudged in the process. "Fuckin' -- easy for you to say I ain't lesser or whatever -- people don't look at you and see a freak show horror movie hideous ugly pity fuck! It's just like when he did it... don't you get it? I'm the one who's worthless. I was coverin' it up, but the fuckin' Joker Killer caught my hair on fire, so everyone saw what it really looks like... under there. And it weren't Sevens kids, this time, it were all the gawkers clusterin' around here... now they're all talkin'..." And even if Shuyo's right, and it's not the main thing they're talking about, hearing it at all is still a horrific blow.
"Didn't come to school all week 'cause I was shit scared of it, fuckin' coward," Tsubasa sniffs, far past the dignity of pretending they're not crying, "but everyone said I oughta come, and the day I do, people are pointin' and jeerin'... I can't fuckin' do it, man. Like, I said the Boss told me to come talk to you first, but... but what're you gonna do, man? Even if you could do shit, I wouldn't want you to, a fuckin' teacher ain't gonna fix my rep... I'm trapped."
Tsubasa's completely lost sight of the fact that the bullies will find something else to occupy them eventually. Then again... is that always true?
<Pose Tracker> Julian Marlowe has posed.
It's difficult to argue against such stubborn denial. Persistance on that point would be quite possibly pointless, or even harmful. So he'll let the protests stand. It would be better to let Tsubasa cool down for now, and perhaps later think back to his words, and start to realize the ways in which they managed to make a positive difference, once they manage to change their perspective. He's optimistic that will happen one day - after all, no one enjoys being miserable. But of course, circumstances as they are are just not conducive to a positive line of thinking, he understands that too.
Instead, he continues to poke at the points where an easy counterpoint can be made. "Oh? So you consider choosing to help people in need no more than the logical thing to do? If only everyone thought as you did." Surely Tsubasa would be intimately familiar with the callousness of humanity as a whole. This feels like 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you', an admirable stance to maintain in the face of these levels of adversity. If only they were in a mind to realize the level of fortitude that takes.
Rather than go too deeply into it, he keeps his words to a minimum, only adding, "It is at times of life and death that we truly see the measure of a person." That's all there is to it - Tsubasa made their choices based on the kind of person they really are, deep down. In his book, outward appearance matters little, when there is that much beauty on the inside.
His seemingly unbreakable composure shows a crack, however, when it's thrown in his face that it's easy for him to talk. He actually flinched at that one. Did that... hurt him? For a second there, it looked like that may have actually hurt him.
He recovers in short order though, going right back on the same track. "Ah, yes... the gawkers. Who did absolutely nothing to help. Their priority was to stand idly by, and make fun of those who risked life and limb, because of something as trite as appearance."
Maybe it's because of that earlier moment, but... that's a lot more open vitriol in his words towards the kind of people who genuinely anger him. Realizing that himself, he coughs once in his hand. Moving on...
"...There will always be those sorts of people, I suppose. But, let me correct you on one thing. I do know what that's like, actually. Even now. Perhaps you were not aware, but I do not exactly have a spotless reputation myself." Plenty of students who have unkind things to say about him. Often just because he's a foreigner, some go so far as to imply his concern for the well-being of children has darker motivations. People always target you for how you look or act in the public eye, when it doesn't match what most consider 'normal'. It's true, he can't just 'fix' that. But that's not what he's here to do.
"What I do, is what I've been doing all along, Tsubasa-san. I listen, and I talk in turn. I offer a different perspective from your own. It's quite common to be one's own worst critic, and despair of things we don't feel we can change. However... everything can change. I know, because..."
...He suddenly realizes that he took a wrong turn in the conversation. He's not supposed to, nor does he like to, make matters about himself. But he supposes he should still finish that sentence the way he was about to.
"...I was at the lowest point of my life myself, back when I was your age."
No need to go into further detail. Instead, he'll share the advice that he can speak of from experience. "The first step to 'fixing one's rep' is believing that you deserve better. Steps towards improvement can only be made once you've made up your mind on what you want to move toward. Once you've reached that point, I believe you'll find that everything becomes much simpler. After all..."
His smile is gentle, yet there is a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "All you have to do then is move forward. And not let anything get in your way."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Julian has at least a little insight into how crisis after crisis have been building up around Tsubasa, even if they've been too keyed-up to tell him all the details. It's hard to think when everything's on fire, both literally and metaphorically.
Which might explain why they'd be searching for any way out.
"People are dicks," Tsubasa scowls. "But that ain't... I wouldn't be alive if Nagasawa-san hadn't pulled me outta the office. And if the Boss hadn't ever got mad at how the Foundry Boss was givin' orders, I never woulda..."
They trail off, quieting down.
"Appearance ain't just tripe," Tsubasa protests, and not knowing the word they naturally mangle it, even though they can tell through context it's not something very important. "It's how people know you. The image they have in their head of who you are and what you can be. Don't say that doesn't matter, man, you don't get it..."
Actually, pound for pound, appearance is one of the most important things to Tsubasa. ... it's hard to blame them for that, though. It's a lot easier to think looks don't matter when paying no mind to them doesn't tip the scales one way or another.
Julian insists, though, that he has been there, and Tsubasa scowls at him from behind their hand. "Tch," they click their tongue to their teeth, as he invokes his reputation. (Oh, sure, they've heard things. They might have even weighed into why Tsubasa's felt uncomfortable coming here; they're not immune to society, to the idea that a White Guy couldn't possibly understand their feelings.)
It doesn't actually strike them as particularly pushy when he finishes his thought, though. Instead, the wary scepticism in their eyes widens to realisation, as if they'd never considered that someone might get into the business of telling kids what to do with their lives because no one was there to tell him. (Well, something like that, surely.) "That so," Tsubasa grunts, hands finally lowering to stop hiding their face as they clasp around each other at their chest instead. It's still quite a vulnerable posture, but...
Well, it's an inch.
"So... you're tellin' me I gotta figure out what the fuck it is I want? Shit, I coulda told you that..." Tsubasa sighs, with evident bitterness. "... I mean, s'what I tell everyone else, anyway. I just don't get the message when it's me... y'know, I guess I think... other people are worth it, but I'm not, y'know? Like, if it's me, I'm really no good... like there's somethin' inside of me that's just rotten to the core."
They bite their lip, worrying it over in their head. "... but... I guess... you got a point. Not like I did much, but I still tried to stop it... and stop him from gettin' hurt and shit. Like... I coulda not been there... guess I coulda been worse. And... the Boss wants me to keep fightin', too..."
Tsubasa takes a breath, and finds it shaky. "I'll... try," they say, hesitantly. "But, uh... hey... I really, uh, don't wanna walk in on the middle of class, right now, so... you mind if I just... chill out here a bit?" And Julian has mountains of work to do, after the Joker Killer (certainly didn't) assault Kasugayama, but it's also true that Tsubasa's one of their main subjects of interest in the aftermath.
Maybe he can swing it.