2025-09-14: I've Never Thought of You as Weak
- Log: 2025-09-14 I've Never Thought of You as Weak
- Cast: Jun Kashihara, Ichika Kawase
- Where: Kasugayama High School - Hirasaka Ward - Sumaru City
- OOC Date: September 14, 2025
- IC Date: July 11, 2012
- Summary: Jun has been struggling emotionally lately. During one of their tutoring sessions, Ichika notices, and encourages him to open up and talk about it.
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
Jun Kashihara has been carrying on just fine over the past two weeks. He still attends school; he still does his homework; he's still a model student, especially compared to the rest of his classmates; and accordingly, he still helps out with tutoring for his fellow students, or at least, those of them who'll accept his help.
One such person is Ichika, a friend and fellow member of Class 3-A, so even amongst her own problems, between seeing him every day since the start of school and having the approximately-weekly tutoring session with him ever since their talk about it with Ooshiro-sensei on June 5, she's likely noticed:
Jun has changed.
Yes, he's carrying on just fine. But he smiles less. He's more distracted. He's more withdrawn. He is polite, and even kind, but some of the warmth has drained from him. Most probably haven't paid it much mind, because Jun already makes a point not to get involved in Kasu High's politics, so for many he's already a distant figure, but to Ichika...
He's just gloomier. Like a heavy cloud blocking the view of a once brilliantly starry sky. And while his experience during the attack on Kasugayama High would explain a lot of that... he hasn't really started to behave like this until after that happened--just about two weeks ago.
Today, too, as he tutors her on Japanese composition and literature. He has an easy, patient way of teaching, using examples out of books that might hold Ichika's interest as opposed to, well, his interest, and--ever since learning some time back that Ichika's started getting interested in magazines and reporting--using news articles to show how it's not just fiction that needs good grammar and punctuation.
He smiles for her. He's gentle, as usual. But he lacks energy compared to before--enthusiasm, maybe, though he never seems bored with her. Just... tired. Sad.
In fairness, it was worse two sessions ago. Back then, he was outright fragile, like he was on the verge of falling apart. His behavior had leveled out some by the next week, when he was merely depressed, and even more now, when he is gray. Either way, he's getting... better? Probably?
Maybe it isn't worth talking about. Ichika has her own problems, and if she asked before Jun would have insisted it was nothing, and anyway this isn't why they get together for these sessions. But...
"I think that about does it for this week," he says, shutting the magazines. He smiles a little mistily at her. "You've been improving, Kawase-san. Your recent interest in magazines has really helped. It's nice to have something to dream about, isn't it...?" He stares off into the distance, then shakes his head a little. "I'm sure you'll get better marks on your next test."
And then he starts gathering his things without really paying attention. This is fine until he grabs a pencil by its freshly-sharpened point, and grasps and hisses as he pricks his finger. No injury, at least; it's still just a pencil. Just a stab of pain.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika has noticed. It's her business to notice that kind of thing in other people--once, as the person who sort of organized the social group, and now, just as someone who still sees what she does. She hasn't wanted to push, though; he's doing her a favor, after all, so it would be rude to pry. So these 45-minute-or-so sessions tend to stay focused on school, on mostly Fridays, though not today--sometimes they shift, and today is one such a day.
Ichika can't say she was there for the attack, of course. But that wouldn't explain it anyway. ...Anyway, she's been quite engaged with the actual lesson, so that part is easy to focus on for now.
Besides; she has had her own problems lately.
"...Thanks," Ichika says after a moment. "You've been really patient about it, and I appreciate that. ...I'm trying, yeah. That reporter I met... Well, maybe she helped me think I've got a shot at it."
"Amano-san's just... really cool."
Ichika starts to gather her own stuff--until--
"Ouch," Ichika says, a vocalization of sympathy more than an actual hurt herself. "You OK? That looks like it hurt."
And it reminds her--he's been Like That for a while...
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
It helps that Jun's willing and able to shuffle around his schedule to help accommodate others. That makes it simple to adjust days and session lengths. He nods as Ichika mentions that 'Amano-san' again. It felt weird the first time, like he'd heard of her somewhere before somehow, but now it's normal. Ah, it's that reporter who interviewed Kawase-san, no need to think twice about it.
"I'm glad," he replies. Book-gathering happens, and he jabs himself, but forces on a smile when Ichika expresses her concern. Especially when she expresses her concern.
"Ah, it's nothing! It's just a pencil. I'm not that weak," he adds, and there's a sudden edge there. But then he shakes his head, that morose look reasserting itself. "...Sorry. You were just worrying about me." He looks away, then resumes gathering his things.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika talks about her now and then; she really admires Maya Amano. Even if they've only met a few times...
But she has no idea why that would've been weird.
Still, that forced smile--that edge--Ichika lifts an eyebrow. He apologizes but, "I've never thought of you as weak," she points out.
"...But you're right, it's not just the pencil that's got me worried. You've been... different, lately."
"You sure you don't want to talk about it? You've done a lot for me. The least I can do is listen if something's on your mind."
She's paused her own stuff-gathering.
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
I've never thought of you as weak, Ichika says. But... you've been different lately.
Jun's shoulders sink as his hands pause. "..."
It really is kind of her to offer. He forces a little chuckle as he brushes an imaginary strand of hair back. "It really is nothing. I'm being silly. It's just... reality is cruel, sometimes."
He pauses, then sighs. "...Though when I say it like that, I make it sound awfully dramatic, don't I?"
But that's because it had been dramatic. Akechi hadn't done anything--had only told him the truth--and he'd been about to do something... dire, over it.
Well, nothing dire has happened. Jun got several Sevens emblems like he'd been advised, keeping the one Akechi had torn from his own uniform to give him and giving the other two he'd acquired to his mother and father. Everything's been peaceful ever since. He hasn't even heard of Tatsuya Suou since then.
His rich brown eyes go even more distant as he thinks of that.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Reality is cruel, sometimes.
"You do," Ichika admits, make it sound dramatic. "Not wrong," she's quick to point out. "Reality's like that. ...But definitely dramatic."
Ichika sets her own notebook down back on the table and looks thoughtfully at Jun.
"I'd like to hear about it," she says, and her voice is more the gentle tone of the Sevens girl than the rough insistence of the Thorn Boss.
"...I'm not exactly a stranger to reality being cruel. I might get it."
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
"Mm." It's... good, Jun supposes, that Ichika is honest with him about his melodrama. That's something he likes not just about her but about Kasugayama students in general; there may be a lot of posturing at times, but generally speaking, there isn't a lot of scheming. Students here are usually... honest about who and what they are. (Perhaps it helps that Yasuo Inoue hasn't been empowered to do any scheming.)
So when she gently insists she does want to hear about it, Jun lifts his chin to meet her eyes. He hesitates; but she is close friends with Tsubasa, and Tsubasa understood. ...Well, more or less. Jun hasn't really talked to them about it either, these past two weeks. He hasn't... been a good friend. He bows his head at that thought, before finally nodding.
"...All right," he acquiesces. "It's related to the attack last month, as you might have guessed. My memories of that day are blurry, but it seems like I have some residual trauma from whatever happened. I was dealing with it all right at first, but..." He chuckles weakly. "...two weeks ago, I... came to realize the limitations my own weakness have placed on me."
...Which might explain why he got so defensive for a moment there.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika prefers to be as honest as she can be--partly because of all the time she spent not being honest about her feelings... but partly because that's how to get by around Kasu High.
Ichika's gaze is even and steady in the moment--exactly like her words. She waits--she will back off, if he insists... but she'd rather not.
So when he allows it, she nods. "Ah, yeah," Ichika says, remembering it. "It was pretty rough. I remember seeing..." Well, she doesn't have to get into that.
"Limitations, huh?"
Ichika pauses, and looks down for a moment. There's a lot she could say; she has sympathy for that particular idea, after all. But instead of stepping on Jun's feelings--
"...Can you tell me more about that? I don't want to just assume what you mean. ...I know it was rough for a lot of people, but..." Not what was hard for Jun especially.
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
Jun's eyebrows rise (for all that only one is visible) when Ichika almost says something she 'remembers seeing.' Was she there that day too? Jun obviously doesn't remember--he just said as much--but he did talk to Tsubasa about it afterwards, and he'd think they would have mentioned it... But then, Tsubasa had their own issues after that day. Anyway, she doesn't finish that thought, so it could mean anything.
Either way, Jun chooses not to press. That... is what they decided, after talking to Akechi. They aren't going to pursue it anymore.
She asks him to explain further. He makes a soft sound as he looks away. "Well... Tsubasa-kun might've told you, but there was a boy there... named Tatsuya Suou. What little I remember involves him coming to my rescue, but Tsubasa-kun said they saw him and he wasn't doing me any kindnesses. And I trust them, but..."
Jun meets Ichika's eyes. "When I woke up in the hospital, Suou-kun was there. He was very kind to me. He even gave me flowers..." He twists his fingers together in a criss-cross, a hint of color rising in his cheeks. "But there was something odd about his bouquet. It was just two flowers--lily-of-the-valley and butterfly weeds. In hanakotoba, they mean... 'you made me happy,' and... 'let me go.'"
He shakes his head slowly. "It doesn't seem to match, does it? Tsubasa-kun was convinced he meant me harm, but if that were true, he wouldn't tell me to stay away from him, would he? I thought at first that maybe he simply didn't know their meaning, but..."
He trails off. Then he takes a deep breath and sighs it out. "I'm getting a little off-topic. I... wanted to know for sure. Was Tsubasa-kun right? Was my impression mistaken? Or is there something deeper going on, something neither of us understand right now? So for a time, I tried to... chase after him, I suppose." Marlowe-sensei had encouraged him by way of telling him to follow his truth, and the truth was that Jun wanted to see Tatsuya again. But then...
"...but then I went to Seven Sisters, where he attends, and ran into a classmate of his. That classmate told me... Suou-kun is chasing after the Joker Killer, and that's why he was there that day."
Jun hunches over himself, arms clutching himself in a self-soothing hug. "...I... I still don't remember that day very clearly... but Tsubasa-kun and Marlowe-sensei both confirmed that serial killer was there. And whenever I hear that name, I... I can't stop this feeling of terror welling up in my heart..."
He looks like it. His uncovered eye is wide and sightless, staring into nothing as his pupil dilates. Jun's breathing is choppy for a moment before he clutches his face with one hand and squeezes his eyes shut. "...so if Suou-kun is trying to bring him to justice, and I can barely handle the mere mention of him... I really should stay away, shouldn't I?"
His voice cracks just a bit on those last two words.
To Ichika's ears--to anyone's ears--he might just sound... heartbroken.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika catches that--she might mention it again later. But she doesn't want to start talking about herself while she's starting to hear about Jun. She knows she has a habit of doing that, sometimes...
Tsubasa may have told her. ...But she remembers. "...Hm," she reflects. But she doesn't interrupt. She waits, though her face is pretty talkative. She is surprised to hear those meanings out of that guy.
"Yeah, that's... that doesn't match," Ichika agrees.
He wanted to know. And then he tried to chase him. But...
"Mm..."
She thinks back to what she remembers. She thinks back, as she hears that heartbroken tone, sees that way he squeezes his eye shut.
"...So Suou. That's the guy in the leathers, right? ...I remember him, too."
That confirms she was there, anyway. It's... probably safe, if he doesn't remember too well.
"...Tsubasa-kun and I haven't talked about that part much," she says, which is true. "But..."
"Your heart doesn't want to just stay away, huh?" Ichika asks. "That's what it looks like to me. You look so sad about the idea of giving up on it. On... him."
"...I think if he gave you those flowers, and knew what they meant, there's definitely something going on. I couldn't tell you what, but that's not a coincidence."
"...But it's dangerous," she admits. "The serial killer... He's scary."
"If you chase Suou, you might run into the Joker Killer again. That's true, it sounds like."
"...But it sounds like you still want to learn the 'truth', to me."
"And when I hold back from something important because I'm afraid..."
"I regret it."
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
"...Yes," Jun whispers. "Red motorcycle leathers, with a black X on front..." Though they'd been considerably beat up by the time Jun had gotten a good look at him, he remembers seeing him at Eikichi's concert in that get-up too. He looks up at Ichika. "...So you were there that day too. I hadn't realized..."
Or, more likely, hadn't remembered.
(Or, the actual state of affairs, she'd been there in Will of Rebellion costume and Jun wouldn't have recognized her either way. At least this way, Jun has a plausible reason for not realizing.)
Ichika hits the bulls-eye on the matter. Jun holds his breath for a moment, that hint of color blooming red as he realizes she's exactly right. Why does he feel this way...? He barely knows Tatsuya. Even accounting for the mismatch, why has giving up on him felt so awful this whole time?
Still, it's gratifying to hear Ichika agree with Jun's take on the matter. He hasn't known how to bring it up to Tsubasa, and so he hasn't done so at all... but more importantly, there is a binary here (or so Jun's been lead to believe). Ichika says it sounds like he still wants to know the truth, and that she regrets when she holds back out of fear, and Jun bows his head. She's right again, but...
"This is more than fear, though," he says softly. "That same classmate of Suou-kun's... he's actually also a detective who's been looking into the case on his own." A Sevens student who's also a detective... That's got to be Goro Akechi. "And... apparently... there's some kind of..." He shudders. "There's evidence that indicates... the Joker Killer... might just--have his sights set on me," he chokes out. "I don't know how--or why--but if that's true, I--" He struggles for a moment to speak. "I can't--just talking to him about it, I--I almost got... violent. Just because he was telling me about it. Because this fear is so powerful."
He hangs his head in shame. "It's not just that, either... getting involved with a serial killer--it's incredibly stupid. Isn't it? It's dangerous... I'm just an ordinary person. I'm not a detective or--or whatever Suou-kun is... I know some self-defense, but there were Molotov cocktails being thrown around, and God only knows what else... I wasn't even hurt that night, and I ended up in the hospital! I don't want my parents to suffer because I was reckless over--over some boy..."
...Ichika might be able to relate to that feeling, too.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika remembers. The guy really stood out. Both the spectral vision... and the actual guy.
"Yeah," Ichika answers. "I saw it. ...The boy who was hurt... the fighting."
She listens though. She listens as Jun explores the feeling, and Ichika does see a binary, but--
"...Mm." More than fear. "I see, yeah... If it's who I think it is, that guy knows his stuff. If he thinks you're in his sights, it might be true."
Violent. The fear... it was that bad? Ichika doesn't know psychology; she doesn't understand trauma, or reactions to it. Still--
"...If he's already after you," Ichika says, "Then abandoning this other guy, this Suou, isn't going to change that. If you aren't looking where the danger is, it'll just come at you unexpected."
Maybe not the best approach, but.
"I dunno. I can't say 'yeah, totally, get involved with the scary serial killer'. That'd be crazy. ...But it seems so important to you."
Over some boy...
"I..."
"I've gotten into trouble," Ichika finally relates, "Over boys. With my parents. I was reckless. I was stupid, is what I was. ...And I got hurt, really bad."
"...But I don't think I could go back and change it, even if I had some kind of special power."
"And it seems to me that you know what you want to do. So..."
She hesitates. "I..." Pause. "I know some of the other people, who fought him, that day. The killer. ...I could ask them to look into it. Either the killer, or your Suou, or both. You..."
"You don't have to do it alone, either way, is what I'm saying. Whatever you decide."
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
"Kawase-san, can I ask you--if you were there, and you saw Suou-kun... what was he doing there? What was he doing... to me? Do you know?"
It's too simple to simply ask her, perhaps, but if she can give him a better idea of what his mind refuses to let him recall...
Ichika admits that Akechi might be right about Jun being a Person Of Interest to the Joker Killer. It's not a reassuring answer, but Jun once again appreciates her honesty. But she raises a good point--that going after Tatsuya or staying away won't change that. If you aren't looking where the danger is, it'll just come at you unexpected... There's a lot of truth to that, and Jun's gloominess doesn't clear, but it does take on a more thoughtful air as he stares into the distance.
It seems so important to him. It feels important. He's been so unhappy these past two weeks, all because he'd convinced himself to give up on Tatsuya. But Ichika relates how she's gotten in trouble over boys too, and Jun looks back her way, expression pained. It sounds like she does understand... and she came out far worse for it. Knowing that, she offers to help him look into what's going on at a greater remove, so he doesn't have to repeat her experience...
"Kawase-san... Thank you. You're... you're a true friend," he murmurs. He looks down at his still-clasped hands. "I... You're right. I know what I want to do. That's why I haven't been myself lately. I've been worrying my parents too... But if my options are to have them worry or to have them grieve, it's obvious what the correct choice is." He sighs. "Have you heard? If you keep a Seven Sisters uniform emblem on you, you'll be safe from the Joker Killer. Akechi-san told me so and gave me his, so I could stay safe. I've kept it on me since. I don't understand how it's supposed to work, but he didn't seem like the type to tell a pretty lie. As long as I have that, I should be safe... I shouldn't risk that by chasing after a boy I barely know." His cheeks color again as he brushes his bangs back. "...no matter how alluring he is."
It's all very logical. It's all very sensible. Even Ichika admits that getting involved with a serial killer is crazy. But...
"Let me think about it," he murmurs, looking back at her. "I know what my heart wants, but my head keeps calling me a fool." He smiles, pained. "Still, I'm truly glad for your support. Just knowing I have the option makes it a little easier."
...but only a little.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"I saw... two of him," Ichika says after a moment, weighing what she should say. "One was this kind of... weird... illusion, I guess, is how to put it. It was kind of hazy. I'm not sure exactly what it was." Which is true. "But that had Suou's face. ...And then Suou came, and... tried to help you."
"Maybe Tsubasa-kun couldn't tell the difference. Maybe he really was both of them and it's some kind of fucked up double situation. But he showed up and fought off the 'thing' that looked like him, and then he went to cover you."
Ichika is not sure that'll help--but it's as honest as she can be. She can't say she's the Ogre who fought the Joker Killer herself; it would put him in more danger.
But when he calls her a true friend, she smiles faintly. "I want to be," she says. He worries, and... it sounds like he has his own idea of what he 'should' do, still. Ichika meant it when she said she couldn't decide it for him--but she kind of hopes...
Well.
"...In a world where weird serial killers show up out of nowhere and everything gets hazy, maybe it's not so crazy that a symbol can protect you," Ichika suggests. "I don't think he'd lie to you about that either. But..."
Alluring, huh?
"Of course," Ichika says. "You do what you decide is best--head or heart, whichever."
...But she'll look into this Suou too. Maybe she can learn something that will help. Or maybe...
Ichika goes back to packing up her stuff, for now. "Thanks for telling me. ....I've been worrying about you. But it's not because you're weak."
"...if you were weak, you wouldn't be torn up thinking about what to do--you'd just do whatever is easiest, and that'd be that. Strong people have to think hard about what they want to do because they can do more. ...That's what I think."
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
"Two of him?" Jun echoes, eyes widening in surprise. Like a doppelganger? he can't help but wonder, though he doesn't voice that aloud. A weird, hazy illusion... that had Suou's face, but Suou came in and fought it off and covered him... The first genuine smile, however suppressed, comes to his lips as he clutches a hand to his chest. "I knew Tsubasa-kun wasn't lying," he breathes--because he's been worried about that side of the equation too. He never thought Tsubasa was lying, but the discrepancy has been troubling him. If there were two Suous, and one was a strange illusion, then it makes sense that Tsubasa might have gotten confused. His smile soon vanishes, brushed aside by a look of concern. "Have you told them about this? I'm sure they'd appreciate... knowing the truth."
Ichika makes a fine point about Akechi and the emblem, given the context of all the other bizarre things that have been happening lately. Jun furrows his brows at what she says about 'everything gets hazy.' Is it possible that his own muddled memories aren't just repression...? But if that's true, how can they be certain that Ichika is correct about what she saw? "It's all in a grove..." he murmurs, referencing the famous Akutagawa short story about conflicting accounts of a murder.
Still, Ichika's support really has helped Jun. When she opines about what he'd be doing if he really were weak, his gaze softens and warms. He looks much more like how he used to this way. "...Thank you, too," he repeats. He's not sure he agrees, but he can acknowledge that Ichika believes it, and that really does make him feel better. "I'll let you know what I decide. I don't want to put you or anyone else in danger either, but... if you were there anyway, I'm willing to bet you've been making your own actions since, regardless of anything Tsubasa-kun or I went through." He smiles--genuinely, this time. "That's just what the Thorn Boss is like, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Surprise! That seems to... well, to be a big deal. But it becomes obvious why a moment later. Tsubasa... "Yeah. They do their best for the truth." A pause. "I haven't, but only because I didn't realize it was bothering them. I'll be sure to tell them."
Ichika... well. Ichika isn't as hazy as she thinks about it. But she doesn't get the reference, either. She just kind of tilts her head. "Trees?" she wonders.
But she's glad to see him a little more like himself. She smiles back. Whether he agrees or not...
"Thanks," Ichika says of letting her know. Then, "...But that's true. Like I said, i have friends who are involved--I'm learning all I can, either way. And then I'll figure out what I want to do, too."
"A Boss has to be decisive," she agrees, and grins.
<Pose Tracker> Jun Kashihara has posed.
"Ah, it's a reference to a short story, In a Grove, by Ryunosuke Akutagawa," Jun explains quickly. "You've probably heard of it--the movie Rashomon was based on it. We can cover it next time if you want."
Whether she does or not, though, that decisiveness does help. Whatever he decides to do later, for Tsubasa and Jun's sakes both... as well as Tatsuya's... he's truly glad he let her convince him to talk to her about it.