2025-11-16: I Can't Tell What You're Feeling If You Don't Tell Me
- Log: I Can't Tell What You're Feeling If You Don't Tell Me
- Cast: Ryuzaki Kurama, Kanae Fuyuki
- Where: A River Near Shibuya, Tokyo
- OOC Date: November 16, 2025
- IC Date: August 11, 2012
- Summary: Ryuzaki and Kanae run into one another out by a riverbank. They have a talk about dreams--and Kanae starts to understand something that Ryuzaki might later, too.
<Pose Tracker> Ryuzaki Kurama has posed.
Ryuzaki Kurama was out for a jog this Saturday... then he encountered Kazusa Motojima and Katsuko Yoshinaga. The three had a small conversation that veered off into how ill-fitting his tracksuit was and how suspicious Kazusa found the story, which was a lot more attention on him and his body than he'd like. The two ran off, but Ryuzaki found themself in a pretty rubbish mood after, so they've deposited themself down by a tree overlooking the... the...
You know, I said it was the Shibuya area and I was like 'surely the Shibuya Ward is going to have a river and not betray me' but then I had a dread feeling the Meguro River is the closest one so I GUESS
Anyway. It's a river that's magically there. The one near Reiko's kobun. You know the one. Myunghon sometimes enjoys being in the drink here.
The 2nd-year Shujin student is quietly staring at the river and nothing else, knees pulled up in front of his face -- he's wearing the red and white Shujin tracksuit, ill-fitting as before, w
<Pose Tracker> Ryuzaki Kurama has posed.
Ryuzaki Kurama was out for a jog this Saturday... then he encountered Kazusa Motojima and Katsuko Yoshinaga. The three had a small conversation that veered off into how ill-fitting his tracksuit was and how suspicious Kazusa found the story, which was a lot more attention on him and his body than he'd like. The two ran off, but Ryuzaki found themself in a pretty rubbish mood after, so they've deposited themself down by a tree overlooking the... the...
You know, I said it was the Shibuya area and I was like 'surely the Shibuya Ward is going to have a river and not betray me' but then I had a dread feeling the Meguro River is the closest one so I GUESS
Anyway. It's a river that's magically there. The one near Reiko's kobun. You know the one. Myunghon sometimes enjoys being in the drink here.
The 2nd-year Shujin student is quietly staring at the river and nothing else, knees pulled up in front of his face -- he's wearing the red and white Shujin tracksuit, ill-fitting as before, w@emit
Ryuzaki Kurama was out for a jog this Saturday... then he encountered Kazusa Motojima and Katsuko Yoshinaga. The three had a small conversation that veered off into how ill-fitting his tracksuit was and how suspicious Kazusa found the story, which was a lot more attention on him and his body than he'd like. The two ran off, but Ryuzaki found themself in a pretty rubbish mood after, so they've deposited themself down by a tree overlooking the... the...
You know, I said it was the Shibuya area and I was like 'surely the Shibuya Ward is going to have a river and not betray me' but then I had a dread feeling the Meguro River is the closest one so I GUESS
Anyway. It's a river that's magically there. The one near Reiko's kobun. You know the one. Myunghon sometimes enjoys being in the drink here.
The 2nd-year Shujin student is quietly staring at the river and nothing else, knees pulled up in front of his face -- he's wearing the red and white Shujin tracksuit, ill-fitting as before, w
<Pose Tracker> Ryuzaki Kurama has posed.
r The 2nd-year Shujin student is quietly staring at the river and nothing else, knees pulled up in front of his face -- he's wearing the red and white Shujin tracksuit, ill-fitting as before, with his black baker's boy casquette with the fat chicken pin on.
<Pose Tracker> Kanae Fuyuki has posed.
Kanae is out, too! She was out shopping in Shibuya, spent a little time at the arcade with Chiaki, and then went out for a walk instead of a jog; this has taken her by whatever river this is, and..
Another second-year Shujin student, still in her uniform, tilts her head as she looks over Ryuzaki by the tree. She recognizes him a moment later.
"...Oh, hey," Kanae says, and walks over, looking out over the river.
"...You doing OK?"
<Pose Tracker> Ryuzaki Kurama has posed.
Ryuzaki Kurama is... of course, also Ruzica Crvena. This isn't a secret to Kanae in the way it is for others. "Kanae Fuyu--" he observes, a moment later, then pauses, catching himself as his cold, golden eyes cast onto the grassy ground. "Fuyuki." That was what she wanted. She asks if he's doing all right. There's a moment's consideration, before...
"... I'll be okay." Which does, of course, suggest it's not okay *now*, but perhaps that's how things have to be sometimes.
<Pose Tracker> Kanae Fuyuki has posed.
Kanae knows, and while that's a whole Situation, she's not going to ignore either of them when they're obviously like... this. So she looks him over, listening. 'Fuyuki', she had asked for. And the question...
"OK," Kanae says. "But you're not now, right?"
She steps over to the tree, stopping next to where Ryuzaki is sitting. "Is it like, weird stuff, or normal stuff?" she asks.
"...If it's normal stuff, you can tell me. If it's weird stuff no guarantees."
"...Since..."
"We don't run together like that."
They run together sometimes in the normal way, though. Just not... metaphorically.
<Pose Tracker> Ryuzaki Kurama has posed.
Ryuzaki is silent for a while longer, though he clearly does hear Kanae. If it's normal stuff, he can tell her. If it's weird stuff... ... where does this fall? But it seems like he does understand what she means -- that 'weird stuff' means the supernatural. Is gender weird? People are weird about gender.
"No, it was just... Kazusa Motojima earlier," Ryuzaki quietly says. "It seems she's become quite suspicious of me."
A longer pause, and then he quietly rises to his feet, placing his hand against the tree to steady himself. "This is a nice spot... ...when I first came here in March, it was full of cherry blossoms."
<Pose Tracker> Kanae Fuyuki has posed.
Kanae doesn't think gender is too weird. Maybe a little weird. Being 'both' is unusual for her! ...But not nearly so weird as Shadows and Demons and Foraines...
But Kazusa...
"Oh," Kanae answers. "The 'Demon Queen of Shujin'," Kanae repeats the rumor. "I've had okay interactions with her... but you kind of get the impression she wonders why you dare impose on her time, even if she's not being actively bitchy."
She looks to Ryuzaki as he stands, sideways, and nods. "It's a nice spot," she agrees. "Cherry blossoms, huh..."
"You might get Hasu flowers around now, or in a couple weeks, Cosmos..."
"But I guess you'd know more than me, huh? You've got all those nice photos and stuff."
She pauses. "Don't take it too hard. That girl's a terror to anybody."
<Pose Tracker> Ryuzaki Kurama has posed.
Ryuzaki doesn't really have a succinct, eloquent way to put it. When he last expressed it to Kanae since it inevitably came up, their thoughts started and ended at 'some days, I want to be Ryuzaki, other days, I want to be Ruzica...' Perhaps that, however, is succint in its own way.
"Demon Queen...?" Ryuzaki sounds a little intrigued that such a title even exists. He can follow the chain of logic to understand how one might get there, in the end. "Hasu flowers... or Cosmos..."
There's a singular blink from those golden eyes, inquisitive and piercing. "... it does sound like you know more about flowers, though. ... I do like flowers a lot. If I showed you, you might be able to identify them better."
Kanae tells him to not take it too hard. "No, it's just..." They try to search their feelings, and comes up short. "No, never mind..."
<Pose Tracker> Kanae Fuyuki has posed.
Kanae accepted it at the time. "That's cool," she'd said back then. "You do you."
But here and now, "Yeah, it's kinda overblown, but she gives a lot of people trouble." She pauses, then, and looks a little surprised when Ryuzaki says she knows more. "Well, my aunt made sure I knew about stuff like that..."
"Sure," she says. "You can show me."
It's...? "Hm?" Kanae says. "If you don't tell me how you're feeling, I won't know," she points out to him.
<Pose Tracker> Ryuzaki Kurama has posed.
Ryuzaki isn't even wearing his black and white outfit with the red belts on it!! He's not equipped for this at the moment!! Sometimes, life is unfair. There is something intriguing in the way she prods him, however, even if Kanae's words prompt an instinctual folding of his arms as he glances aside. ... it's almost cute, perhaps.
Kanae's acceptance of his feelings about gender are also intriguing. He hasn't searched out others that might feel the same way, or have labels for everything... but it's a start.
"... I'm not... sure how to put it to words," he comes up short still. "But it's better to be inconspicuous..." Wouldn't the best way to be inconspicuous just be to be Ruzica? Not invent another identity entirely?
But on the topic of flowers... "Your aunt?" he inquires. "Was it not a particular interest of yours yourself...?"
<Pose Tracker> Kanae Fuyuki has posed.
Life... it will not--wait, that's the wrong line.
Kanae lifts an eyebrow at the armfold. It is kind of cute. But, "That's OK. Just give it a shot."
She cosniders what it actually is, then, and before she answers about flowers, "I guess, but it's like... If she's suspicious of you that's not a huge deal? She's like that to most people."
"But nah. I always liked flowers OK, but she's the one who really made me memorize what they are, when they grow... How to arrange them."
"Things like that."
<Pose Tracker> Ryuzaki Kurama has posed.
"Okay." Ryuzaki tries to make a face like he's getting more intense, but his face still hasn't... hasn't changed one bit. He summons his entire willpower base in an attempt to convey to Kanae how he felt about meeting Kazusa, as if this was some grand ritual unknown to his peoples, surely this day will be written and spoken of for a long time in the annals of history.
"It was... scary."
...
...
That's it??? These things will... take some time... but he's trying his hardest, it seems. He does take onboard that Kazusa is like that to everyone, that he isn't being singled out... yet.
The topic of flowers does seem to animate Ryuzaki a bit further, however. "I see... for flower arrangements. As part of a flower shop, or for traditional ceremonies?" Ryuzaki wonders.
"... do you have any favourites?"
<Pose Tracker> Kanae Fuyuki has posed.
Intense...
Oh, well.
"Yeah," she says, "That makes sense. It'd be a big problem if you got found out at school." Maybe that's why she doesn't treat him just like any other student--because she's aware of that. ...But still, he is a student, so...
Maybe it's complicated for her.
"Right," Kanae confirms, and takes a couple of steps away, looking to the sky. "Traditional ceremony stuff. They wouldn't let me near the family business--which was carpentry anyway."
"...Mmm..."
She looks back. "A lot of them. But lately I'm especially happy with peach blossoms. My boyfriend's name has a kanji for 'peach', so..."
<Pose Tracker> Ryuzaki Kurama has posed.
There's definitely more feelings down there, but reaching down and really giving them a voice seems like something Ryuzaki's put off for so long that it's become a bit of an ancient, lost art. Or perhaps it never existed in the first place, because it's a Wild Hunt tradition to not really talk about your problems and instead do something other than the terrifying act of engaging your feelings!!
"... yeah," is Ryuzaki's similarly laconic answer. There's a frustrating cross-section of him feeling like he's failing his mission, because Ryuzaki did exist as a cover, and yet now it's not just a cover, but what does that mean? There isn't a clean divide -- no, it's a rough divide, if anything else.
"Persica..." Ryuzaki nearly whispers, as Kanae mentions peach blossoms. "That is quite the nice flower. It's also part of the rose family, surprisingly... I was surprised to find out."
He steps a bit closer, as the shade in the tree shifts. "What is he... like?"
<Pose Tracker> Kanae Fuyuki has posed.
Kanae has a lot of feelings, and feels all of them!
Rough the divide may be, but for today, neither of them is in the blasting zone.
Kanae focuses on the flowers, and on other stuff she likes, like her boyfriend! "It is," Kanae agrees. "Yeah, I studied a lot about it when we started going out."
She pauses. "He's really smart, and thoughtful. And kind, but also really like, logical? Just, without being heartless. But he's kind of a romantic, too? He really pays attention to the stuff I like..."
"He's taller than us, though I guess not that tall. It's fine."
<Pose Tracker> Ryuzaki Kurama has posed.
Ryuzaki has placed his feelings in a fated circle. It's the end of heart for him... in a way, he's definitively not a lion. There's no valor here. It seems that he's managed to survive the awkwardness, though, by getting Kanae to talk more about flowers, and her boyfriend.
Smart. Thoughtful. Kind -- but also logical... but not in an emotionless, heartless way. And a romantic. These are all... qualities that are attractive in a boyfriend? Ryuzaki hasn't quite puzzled out what the qualifiers are. What draws people to another, and splits them up, in the way Eve and Alain are, and the fallout remains to this day...
"Does... he share your dreams?" Ryuzaki is reminded of what Kanae said the last time they met. "Being with a great guy, hmm..."
It's not jealousy per se - but the topic of relationships clearly has Ryuzaki thinking about the awkwardness of his own situation. How alien and faraway it all seems to be, and yet, how much everyone around him seems to crave it -- companionship, love, romance... they can apply a lot of words to it. But it all seems, to him, to stem from something he can understand:
Loneliness.
<Pose Tracker> Kanae Fuyuki has posed.
They are qualities that Kanae finds attractive, anyway. Though there are more she hasn't gotten into, that might be weird to talk to another boy about.
"Yeah," she says. "I think so. ...But... There's some stuff... he can't know," she admits. "That's hard sometimes."
"But I'm happy with him. I think... He is one of my dreams. I'm not sure that makes sense to hear, though."
She shakes her head.
"It's nice," she says, being with a great guy. "I guess that's not the way you get close to people though, huh? It's different for you."
<Pose Tracker> Ryuzaki Kurama has posed.
Ryuzaki's inquisitive golden eyes focus on Kanae for a bit, despite his usual habit of not really drilling in on making eye contact when he can help it. The stuff that he can't know. "The... 'weird stuff'?" he ventures a guess.
But Kanae describes him as one of her dreams. "... I think that makes sense. You spoke of dreams as places and people you have to make the effort to get to, to know..." A longer pause.
The gold-eyed boy is a little surprised to hear Kanae say it, though -- it's not how he gets close to people, is it? There's a subtle tensing, as his eyelids half-close. "Even today, I was running... to catch up to them... but I never do. They go on ahead..."
This is, strangely, far more expressing his feelings than when he was trying consciously, and yet it's still cryptic...
<Pose Tracker> Kanae Fuyuki has posed.
Kanae looks back. She isn't afraid of a little eye contact... usually. It hasn't quite passed the line where it's unsettling for Kanae yet. "Yes," Kanae answers. "The weird stuff."
"Right," Kanae says. "You have to put in the work. You can't just... wait for a dream to come to you. Because it won't."
"And time won't wait for you, either."
Kanae thinks it's fairly obvious; if it were Ryuzaki's way, he'd probably have a girlfriend (boyfriend? themfriend?) by now. But today...
"...That sucks," she says. "It's hard, to try something, and not make it..."
"...It's hard. I can sympathize with that."
<Pose Tracker> Ryuzaki Kurama has posed.
Ryuzaki looks a little more contemplative and responsive, ironically, when the conversation moves to less concrete things -- like he's more comfortable talking on some cryptic level which isn't evident from words alone, but understandable on some level that he can parse.
"... time has... always been waiting," Ryuzaki answers quietly. "But perhaps that is why my dreams aren't pleasant ones." They seem to have quite the thoughtful reaction to Kanae's belief that dreams don't just come to you.
"But recently... perhaps because you are here, time appears to be moving again," he continues, starting past Kanae to step up towards the hill to get out of the riverbank.
"What that means for any of us... I don't know."
He quietly places his hands behind his back and turns around, tilting one way gently. It's not a body gesture he makes as Ruzica -- Ruzica stands straight and has a certain intensity in what she does. Perhaps it's his own exploration in allowing softness into himself.
"... I want to try to dream like you do. Perhaps, someday, I'll understand."
<Pose Tracker> Kanae Fuyuki has posed.
Kanae considers that. Time has always been waiting...
And that might be why his dreams are like that? ...What are they like, then? Not pleasant? But...
"Hm."
Because she's here... Kanae thinks of Henry, and the long-nosed man in the Velvet Room. She thinks...
She thinks this is an important moment, in her understanding of Ruzica and Ryuzaki both. Because this isn't a gesture she'd expect of Ruzica at all.
"Ryuzaki-kun..."
He wants to try, and Kanae steps up towards him, and nods. She looks him over, and then looks out to the river.
"...OK," she says. "Then..."
"We can do better than maybe."
"It's a promise. One day, you'll understand. You'll see."
*
*
*
*
|
|XII|. The Hanged Man - Mysterious Boy? RANK 1
As a faint voice echoes in her mind, Kanae understands. One way or another...
Ryuzaki may yet be her Ally.