2025-12-06: What Do You Think True Happiness Is?
- Log: What Do You Think True Happiness Is?
- Cast: Ren Amamiya, Goro Akechi
- Where: Ikebukuro, Planetarium
- OOC Date: December 06, 2025
- IC Date: August 21, 2012
- Summary: A scheduled hangout between two boys leads one to realize he has no home to return to...
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
Ren's mornings start early, even in the summer. They start with a work-out in their dusty attic room, which consists of several sets of pull-ups from one of the overhead beams--something they've been slacking on since summer began, but which a recent encounter with Isabeau Fontaine has inspired them to get back on--and, when it's done, enjoy a cup of coffee by their window and watch the pedestrians passing by below.
Yep. This is how you start the day.
Which is good, because they've got nerves about how the rest of the day is going to go.
The last time they hung out with Akechi, he'd mentioned a planetarium in Ikebukuro. Ren, who hasn't done any decent stargazing since they left their hometown, asked if he'd want to go sometime. Akechi had agreed, and the two of them had scheduled a date to visit.
This bare-bones description does nothing to pay homage to the emotion that had underpinned the interaction. That's how Ren is trying to keep it. They've got a lot of things twanging on their emotions lately, and one is the thing that takes up their attention now: their father's contact information, staring up at them from the screen of their smartphone.
"You should get it over with already," Morgana has been advising them. He does that again now in between licking himself, perched up atop the ceiling beams.
Ren knows he's right. They waste time rubbing their towel on their already-wiped, bare shoulders. Their coffee mug is already empty, perched on the windowsill. They need to start getting ready to head out to meet Akechi at the planetarium soon. This call is bound to go badly, and it's better to do it now--rip the band-aid off--and let their outing improve whatever lousy mood they're left in.
They know that. They know that. They take a deep breath deep breath deep breath deep breath
"Okay," they say aloud, and press the SEND button before they can get any more in their own head.
~ * ~
It's not hard to find the planetarium. Akechi has a habit of sending Ren pins of the places where he wants them to meet. Just use a map app and it's all about following the dotted line from there. Ren arrives sans cat-carrying bag at the main doors, panting and clutching their knees; they've shown up in their sports jersey, jacket open-chested, following a jog/run. It's not /great/ apparel for an outing, but whatever. Akechi said there were spots where they could just lie down and look up, right? This isn't a date. It's fine if they wear something comfortable.
They check their wristwatch, which is functional even if they wear it for fashion rather than function. They're on time, at least. They push their damp bangs out of their slightly foggy glasses. God, they're so winded... What's working out every morning good for if you still get this winded when you run?
(That's why cardio is important, Ren.)
They shake their head. Whatever. Akechi's probably inside, and the building will almost certainly be air conditioned. They shrug off their jacket, showing off the short-sleeved black shirt underneath (which has the unintended side benefit of also showing off their muscular arms), and tie it around their waist before pushing the main doors open and walking in. Now they at least look a little more like they're out to meet up with someone.
The blast of cool air inside helps mollify them, too. It's easier to be in a good mood when you're not out sweating in the late summer heat--especially when you have thought space to dedicate to anticipation for something you've been genuinely looking forward to. They smile at the decorations inside--all sorts of hanging displays of the cosmos. They are starting to get excited now...!
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
Dispatch OST - Fvck the Stars - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m859x-LHFRY
It was the first time it was actually planned in advance. Not an invitation sent. Not a 'Just happened to be in the area.'
And he too, was working up to it.
Hands laced casually behind his head, he looked up into the blackness above, as if there were a sky.
"Why are you asking me about the stars at a time like this?"
Another voice asked him, perplexed, and he didn't look at them.
"Well, because you're right there of course. Me? Personally, I see them as something that isn't even real. Any message you're seeing is light that took thousands of years to reach us... and the message isn't often even received. It's drowned out- by millions of people living their lives. Perhaps they died so long ago- and no one even notices. Just another sign of the cruelty of existence."
A beat.
"Looking for meaning in the stars always felt like a pointless endeavor to me. A way to- shed responsibility by blaming your choices on some nebulous concept of fate... destiny, whatever word you choose for it."
"... Is there some point to any of this, asshole?"
He picked himself up from the ground from staring at the twisted ceiling of Mementos, and the man in the Black Mask stretched languidly, then turned to the Shadow that was bleeding ichor on the ground, an accountant that had been caught 'cooking the books' to skim off of the top of Shido's bottom line.
"Not really." Just like that, he raised his arm and- thwip thwip two shots. The Shadow of the man burst, vanishing into non-existence. "...I might as well have spoken to the wall." As he stalks off, away from this place, vanishing into the swirl of distortion.
-=-=-
What's interesting is that as Ren finds his way into the lobby, he might notice a sign of the hours. The place is nearly empty, because- this is the time of day where there aren't any shows.
There's hanging displays- signs of employees. People buying tickets for later. Decorations of the cosmos...
... and...
Buzz.
Ren's phone goes off.
@>Tell an Employee you're my Guest, when you get there.
After Ren does, the velvet rope that cordon off most people is taken aside, and he's led to the auditorium.
Above, the stars stream in time lapsed circles- lines of light, that make them all look like comets carving a radius across the sky. A projector gleaming.
Then they- stop, suddenly.
And the sky is set to what Western Japan might look like in the Summer. The seats are empty. "Since it might not be obvious... over here." Akechi's voice calls out, from the front of the auditorium.
Amongst a stretch of empty couches, and stretched out beneath them, mats.
"The Employees were kind enough to offer us this time when it's not in use. They felt if I was spotted by a member of the public... it might disrupt the show for everyone else."
Akechi says as he flashes a smile, "And I'd rather not resort to your idea of a 'disguise' today, if I can help it."
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
Ren does notice the lack of people. It's not surprising--it's still fairly early in the day--but they can't say they expected it, either. Tokyo's such a big city, and it's summer--all manner of kids with nothing better to do. They'd figure there'd be at least a bit of a crowd.
Buzz. They look down as they pull their phone from their pocket. A missive from Akechi... They sigh a little at the implications, a half-smile crooking up their lips. How many pies does this guy have his fingers in? ...Well, today, they don't mind. They hit up a bathroom first to dampen some paper towels, wipe off the sweat, and dry off; then they hit up an employee and follow them past a velvet rope.
Akechi really is trying to give them luxury treatment. They have this thought then, because when they step into the auditorium and are treated to the blazing western sky, their eyes light up behind their glasses. Without thinking, they hurry towards the spectacular lights, expression riveted, before their lips part into a smile of pure joy.
They absolutely don't spot Akechi until he calls them over. He's thus treated to their unguarded surprise, even knowing he had to already be here. They stare at him for a moment; then, at the reminder of what happened at Gigi's, a warm grin in return. They move to join him, their steps a little quicker and lighter than usual. "It's too dark in here to really appreciate your mop-head look, anyway," they tease.
The employees were kind enough to offer... Ren rather doubts that Akechi didn't actively arrange for this. They're hard-pressed to care right now, though. They pick one of the cozy-looking couches and drape on one side of it, one leg pulled up beneath them as they gaze up at the dazzling display.
"It's beautiful," they murmur, attention rapt.
Beautiful, and romantic. That's well within Ren's notice. If this were a date, this would be an incredible pick. Even if it's just a projection, it's an incredible rendition of the sky they grew up with. The skies... of...
~ * ~
Ren's heart is hammering as they raise their phone to their ear. Ring... ring... It's early afternoon on a Tuesday. Ring... ring... Their dad is probably already signing documents or whatever in the mayor's office. Ring... ring... Will he pick up? Or will he let it go to voice mail? Ri--
Click. Ren sits up straight as the line connects.
"Ren," says a familiar, level voice on the other side. "What do you want?"
There's no warmth to his tone. Of course. Why would there be for a father talking to a child he's disappointed in? There's only an unyielding calm that betrays nothing of his feelings beyond what his to-the-point speech does.
"Father," Ren replies. They usually use Dad, but calling him Father might help butter him up a bit. "I'll keep this quick," they add, so he can appreciate their expediency instead of tut-tutting at their rudeness. "How did you get me enrolled at Shujin Academy?"
"What?" The question's unexpected. Is that good or bad?
"It couldn't have been easy, getting someone in my position enrolled into such an elite prep school. Did..."
Their voice almost fails. Shadow Kobayakawa had said he'd accepted Ren Amamiya into Shujin Academy because the shadowy organization stringing him along had wanted it so. The shadowy organization that might just have political ties. Ties like their mayoral father (their amoral father?)...
"...Did you pull strings to get it done?"
His tone cools. "Why does that matter to you?"
Shit. They'd been so caught up in working up the nerve to call that they hadn't considered what kind of line to feed him. Ren's voice catches in their throat as their mind races in place. "It's important," is all they can manage.
"I don't see how. You're in a good school with a good reputation. Just behave yourself and be a diligent student and you don't need to worry about anything else."
"If you called in favors, I want to know about it," Ren insists. "I don't want preferential treatment," they add, because it's true even if it's not the point. It still implies a believable reason for the call.
Their father sighs, betraying a hint of irritation. "I did my duty as your father to ensure you had a second chance at an upright life, despite your earnest and repeated attempts to throw that all away. Your duty as my son is to behave yourself, and be a diligent student, and not to worry about anything else," he said, voice now outright chilly.
Their stomach lurches, leaving behind an empty pit. "So you did pull strings," they interpret. "With who?"
"Ren, I'm not indulging this nonsense any further. If you must insist on wasting someone's time, go call your mother."
"I'm not--"
Too late.
The line disconnects.
Fury bubbles up like magma in the pit of their stomach as they bare their teeth at their smartphone. He won't pick up again. They know he won't.
~ * ~
Ren's eyes lid behind their non-prescription glasses.
Just like the skies of their hometown, now so far away.
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
What use is being a celebrity, if you can't flaunt it every now and then? Which would apply to Akechi if it were only 'every now and then'.
Even from a distance, he can see the look of joy on Ren's face, and his expression changes from afar, as if in questioning.
Trying to seek the intangible answer to the question still on his mind.
However, Ren comes over, and he chuckles at his response, "Aha... I can't say I'm not a little thankful for that." That affable smile is there again.
It's a little of column A, a little of column B. The employees asked about special accommodations to make certain he wasn't disturbed and people's show wasn't disrupted- he asked for an extra special one.
'It's beautiful,'
He looks up...
"... Yes. I rather see the appeal. It's very different from what I'm used to."
He's not exactly lying. He does see why it appeals to people, the stars in the country. So numerous - so many without the light pollution.
There is a beauty within it.
He just doesn't see meaning. Why does Ren Amamiya see meaning in the stars, that he does not? What connections are there to be found within a boundless sea of nothing?
... What does he have, that Goro Akechi doesn't?
He looks down, at Ren's lidded eyes, then pauses for a few seconds longer. "There's mats over here with cushions, if that is something you'd prefer...?"
He suggests, "It feels like the best view for star-gazing. Though..."
He looks to couches, and seats- "... we have options." He says, playfully, referring to the empty auditorium.
Either way, he leaves that choice up to Ren.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
Flaunting your status is how you prove to yourself and others that you're special, after all.
"Only a little? Is that because the rest of you is..."
Ren falters and trails off.
Disappointed?
~ * ~
The next call only takes a ring and a half to connect. Ren's mother always was more attentive.
"Ren," she says softly--more softly than usual, actually, as if she's keeping her voice low on purpose. "I missed you... How have you been? Are you eating well? How are your classes? Have you made any friends?"
It's almost a nice sentiment, all these personal questions she asks. She'd know the answers to all of them if she'd ever bothered to call them first--hell, if she'd bothered to call Sojiro for updates. The fact that she doesn't already know... Ren shakes their head. That doesn't matter. Focus. "I'm fine," they say, because they're sure that's all that really matters to her anyway. "I just had something to ask."
"About your enrollment?" A beat. Then, vaguely apologetically: "I'm in the room with your father. He's about to head into a meeting, and I'm helping out with a couple of things."
"That makes things simple, then. Who did he pull strings with to get me enrolled at Shujin?"
"Ren," she says, and her tone alone tells them she won't give a straight answer either. "You're being confrontational again, dear... Couldn't you at least say hello first?"
Again, fury bubbles within them. Enough of your fucking tone policing! they want to snap. They keep themself in check. The first one to lose their temper loses the argument. "I'm just trying to respect your time, Mother," they reply stonily.
"Well..." She trails off for a moment. "I'm afraid there isn't really anything to say about that. It's as your father said: he did everything he could to make sure you had a chance to sweep away that ugly mess and get a fresh start. We know you're a bit... headstrong, dear, so we were trying to keep our expectations tempered, but..."
"...What are you trying to say?"
Her voice lowers further into a whisper. Even as she scolds them, she still sounds so gentle--so harangued. "Maybe it is a little bit like that, but I notice you aren't complaining about your room with Sakura-san, even though it's no different. Talking about it like 'calling in favors' or 'pulling strings' that you never asked for is a bit... lacking in gratitude. Don't you think?"
Ren fixes a glare on a spot just above the stairs. Their hands are shaking.
"Please don't be angry," she pleads, as if reading their mind. "It's noble to not want preferential treatment, really. It's just... We're just trying to do right by you as your parents."
"You threw me to the wolves and left me to die."
"Oh, Ren," she utters. How can she pack so much melodrama into two simple words? There's a moment of silence--Ren can imagine her exchanging glances with their father--before she continues. "I know we... haven't been in touch... but we thought you'd prefer it that way. You're so young, but so independent..."
"Don't bother," their father says in the background, crisp and sharp like the arctic frost. "If this is what he wants, leave him to stew in it."
She sighs. "We need to go. It's time," she murmurs to them. "I'm sorry. I know you wanted to talk to your father, but with you trying to pick a fight over something so trivial... he's a bit..."
~ * ~
...disappointed.
She hadn't even needed to say it. Ren already knew.
Both of them have always wanted something out of them that they refuse to give them, because it's just not who they are. Both of them have always treated them like they're doing it on purpose to spite them. Is that why they sold them out to whoever's pulling Kobayakawa's strings? Maybe they really did delude themselves into thinking it was for their own good, but... Have they even been following the news about Shujin? Neither of them so much as hinted at news of the Phantom Thieves.
Were they both that eager to get them out of their lives? All because they wouldn't fit the mold they wanted for them?
They're troubled thoughts, and not ones Ren wants to have right now. The mood is rapidly getting spoiled. It's so beautiful in here--and peaceful, and cozy... The perfect place to snuggle up with someone, either on a couch or on the floor. Just the two of them, no one else to see...
...Exactly what are Akechi's expectations of them here, in this deeply romantic-coded setting?
Ren looks at him when he suggests there are options here--including lying down together.
Maybe they're reading too much into it. The two of them already talked about this, multiple times. Akechi is fully aware they have a girlfriend and aren't interested in him like that. (They aren't.) It's not like there's a big sign on the auditorium wall reading 'FOR COUPLES.' He just said it: this is a very different sight from what he's used to. Why couldn't a pair of platonic friends platonically watch the stars together? They and Yoshio used to do that all the...
...
...all the time.
Ren quickly folds their toned arms over the back of the couch they already sat on and lifts their eyes back up to the starry display. "Right here is fine," they murmur.
This was supposed to be a nice time. It can still be a nice time. Please let it be a nice time...
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
"...I'm betting you don't know any constellations, huh? You want me to point them out to you?" they offer. They just have to make it a nice time.
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
Is it because the rest of you is...?
"Hmm?" Akechi does not actually catch Ren's meaning there, his anxiety as to whether Akechi himself is disappointed... because his Father is disappointed...
"Well, I hardly know what to expect from hanging out with you. You can be rather unpredictable, you know." He smiles, as if that were more a compliment than anything.
Perhaps that's part of the appeal. White to Black - Order to Chaos... opposites attract.
If his image were real, that is. Instead it's more like a Storm and a Blaze meeting in the form of a Forest Fire.
What are his expectations? What does Akechi want? Why does a Storm do anything? Perhaps it wishes to know why the heat of Arsene's blue flames reach even them, so high above...
Akechi doesn't know what's troubling him, but he does see that he is troubled. Because that awe changed to something more reserved.
"Ah..." He almost asks if he did anything to offend him, because he too is nervous about this, and doesn't know why.
Nervous enough to talk to a Shadow about his feelings. Something he would ordinarily never do.
"... Certainly. I think I'd like that." He says, as he lays his briefcase down beside the couch, then seats himself upon it, shifting, until his body is laying down, looking up, placing his hands behind his head, on several of the cushions, elbows splayed out... as if it were his image of how one star gazes outside. Yet he offers more than enough space for Ren himself, without it being uncomfortable.
He can still see he's troubled - so perhaps... it'd be a kindness not to question it too deeply, yet.
"Do you have any favorites? I admit it's something of a gap in my knowledge..."
... Admitting he doesn't know something. Wow. This might be the first time he's ever done that. But he'd made it clear to Ren before he didn't know much about the Stars.
There's little point in pretending otherwise. It would be almost tantamount to gaslighting if he did.
"... I know some Astrology of course, on an academic basis but... that's hardly equivalent to astronomy."
It's difficult to let him take the lead, perhaps... but then again, he doesn't understand why he asked that Shadow that question, either.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
'Hmm?' Akechi tries to prompt Ren to finish their sentence... but they don't. At this point, it doesn't feel like they can make it a joke anymore.
Especially if they're joking specifically about how disappointed Akechi is that they're not touching him.
At least Ren smiles a little when Akechi calls them unpredictable. They do take it as a compliment at first. That's a key trait for a phantom thief, after all--you can't give the runaround to a great detective if they can read your every move. Being unpredictable equals being fun.
...That's when it hits them.
Akechi told them to their face, hadn't they? That there was a role he wanted them to live up to.
The detective and the phantom thief. The thrill of the chase. The fun of playing a high-stakes game.
"..."
Akechi seems a little off-kilter. Like he's nervous. Is he picking up on Ren's conflicted feelings? They're silent as he takes up a spot on the couch--quite a bit of a spot, splaying out on it like a cat--and yet still giving them plenty of space. Making sure they don't touch, even though Ren doesn't move. They watch him for a moment, leaning with his back as flat as he can make it, while Ren maintains their crouch, seating themself facing the couch's back instead.
White and black; order and chaos. Even now, the two of them do give that vibe. Ren has only hints of the true storm within Akechi, and for now has been fooled about its nature... but that doesn't mean they see nothing. For now, they watch--him, and then the projector's sky.
"Hardly," they agree quietly. "I know a little too. Astrology centers around the Zodiac, so they're popular constellations. Your birthday was June 2, so that makes you a Gemini... That's a winter constellation, believe it or not, so you won't see it here. Instead..."
They point towards one side of the Milky Way splitting the sky, then trace their finger along its path. "There. That's Scorpio, the Scorpion. That's my sign," they say. (This means Ren's birthday falls somewhere between October 23 and November 21--but Akechi hardly needed the clue for an answer he no doubt notes already.) "Have you ever read Night on the Galactic Railroad? When they talk about the burning heart of Scorpio, that's the star they mean." They shift their fingertip a little to a bright red star. "It's called Antares. It's a red supergiant, which means it's one of the older stars in the galaxy." They pause a beat. "Well--'one of.' It looks like a single star to the naked eye, but it's actually a binary star system, made up of Alpha Scorpii A and Alpha Scorpii B," they continue, the warmth of enthusiasm creeping back into their tone.
They pause again; then they lean their head on the back of the couch to look over at Akechi. "In Greek, the name Antares means 'rival to Ares,'" they say quietly. "Because the ancients thought its reddish color made it a rival to the red planet, Mars, whose Greek equivalent was Ares, god of war."
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
A role. That's accurate.
He does want Ren to be his rival - in being a Phantom Thief.
But is it only that? Does he even know if it's only that?
Maybe the reason neither of them can be certain of what this is, is because Akechi himself is blind to his own feelings of something that isn't part of his 'Justice'.
Stumbling in the dark... only contradictory voices in his head, to guide him.
"Yes..." Astrology has no meaning, in the same way Wang Long has none, it's useful though for knowing how people think.
"... I guess some part of me always felt Libra would be more fitting. Not for some personality test, but the imagery..."
Gemini. He knows that it fits him so well. Both sides of him might as well be twins. Two sides of the same...
... but...
... he doesn't want to admit that. Not even now.
"Scorpio... passionate... fearless. If one is to believe the Horoscopes, yet - I can't claim they're wrong in your case." He comments, asides as he looks towards it. Then Ren asks him about the Night on the Galactic Railroad.
"Who do you take me for?" He asks with a chuckle, thinking about 'True Happiness' and the Mountains one must climb, the sorrows one must cross. "Of course I have."
As a child, it was a little comforting...
... but he still never found meaning in the stars.
He looks towards that spot, Antares. "Huh. It's a curious thought, the two bound to each other to become a single 'heart' in the minds of others." He thinks upon the matter, then turns to look Ren's way, there's some consideration at the idea of a Star being a Rival.
For a time, he's silent, looking Ren's way, then back up. "... A not quite eternal rivalry... but, it might as well be. I imagine Antares is millions of years from vanishing, still. Maybe it's light will outlast humanity..."
Still, as he looks up, watching the bright star - it's slight crimson hue catching his eye, like a flickering flame.
"In the story as I recall, the Scorpion made a wish, after a lifetime of harm unto others that it grant... happiness, through the fires of self-sacrifice."
His eyes reflect the star projected upon the ceiling, as he contemplates it, "A commendable... thought, but it never quite sat right with me, I think. That with a single act after a lifetime of regretful actions - one finds 'true happiness'."
It doesn't feel like, truly taking responsibility, to him. Even if the fires should burn for this long, grant this view to so many.
Should it be enough?
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
In fairness to Akechi, it's probably hard to clearly see any non-Justice-related feelings towards someone you ultimately plan on killing.
Ren chuckles, ignorant of that for now. How they see Akechi--how they feel about him--is equally confused, if in different ways, but they're starting to relax again now that they're talking about the stars. It's a romantic setting, but maybe that can't be helped. He's trying to give them space. He's trying to encourage them to talk. It's not his fault Ren's enamored.
"Libra the Scales... It is the spitting image of Justice," they remark. They shrug. "Ah, well. It's all made-up anyway. Fun to talk about, though. Don't worry about it too much." They crook him a smile. "Geminis are supposed to be smart and good at communicating. You can brag about that much, at least."
Passionate and fearless. Astrology is made-up, but Ren must admit, they do like being described that way. That part of them comes out much more in the Metaverse... but Akechi's seen that part of them, too. Remembering that, Ren's smile fades again, and they gaze back up at the stars.
They at least tilt their head in a silent 'point taken' when Akechi pokes fun at their question. Yeah, obviously an erudite guy like him has read a book that famous. What child in Japan hasn't read Miyazawa's final work? Out of the corner of their eye, they see Akechi looking at them... but they don't return the look, for now. "Two together are brighter than one alone... or something like that. It's not like people could tell they were a binary star system until telescopes were invented, though," they remark. "From Earth, it really does look like a single star."
A rivalry not quite eternal--but it may as well be. Ren nods in agreement. Compared to stars and planets, human beings are less than a single nail shaving off one's little toe. Some might find that existentially terrifying, but not them. After all, the stars and they all are...
"..."
Akechi looks at the stars; Ren looks back at him. Once again, he paints a picture of feeling that redemption is the wrong answer. "Even if that act is giving up everything that makes you 'you'?" they wonder quietly. They know--the Phantom Thieves might lay extreme force down on the Palace Rulers and steal away their Treasures, but once the source of their distortions are gone, they agree of their own accord to go back and make things right. That, too, could be a form of self-sacrifice--a way to atone.
If that isn't enough, how could anything ever be?
They lean their head back on the back of the couch. "What do you think true happiness is, then?"
And, Ren has to wonder--is it going to be 'the fruits of revenge'?
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
"Ideas still have power, I suppose... if people believe in them enough. I've had cases enough where people made one decision, or another because of something they read in the Horoscopes. Still... I think you're right."
That it's fun to talk about. He means. Perhaps, he's having fun, he thinks- even if he can't see what Ren sees. It's fun listening to his passion about the subject- this subject.
"At least... I rather hope so." He says of an eternal rivalry as if he were second guessing it, "It's not impossible that it's been over since long before either of us were born. Who can say?"
Akechi suggests, "For all we know - one, or both of them went supernova long before either of us were born. Though, I hope it's both, if so- it would be rather fitting."
It's wrong that his Mother is dead - and Shido is alive. That he doesn't even know she's dead. Much better had her death turned him to ashes...
... but since it didn't, he'll make certain there's nothing left of the life he built, but that.
Even if that act is giving up everything that makes you 'you'?
"Even self-sacrifice, can be a selfish act." He explains, "For instance - the heart that caught fire and was left behind... remains proof of one's existence, in a universe where one might not be remembered before. How others would see you - defined wholly by that final act - rather than every single one before."
He says, with more than a touch of cynicism. But what is... true happiness?
Akechi looks up at Antares- the binary he was ignorant of before, then looks sideways towards Ren, "I don't know." He admits, "If I had to think about it, I'd posit that 'True Happiness' is an unachievable ideal. I always considered the book's premise of 'keeping to the path one deems to be true'... well, that certainly seemed right to me. If you walk it... you'll certainly find meaning to life at least... and one hopes to find happiness... but 'true happiness'?"
He looks up, and thinks of how he found his Mother for the first time. Did she think, in her final moments, she was sacrificing herself for his happiness?
That thought alone, is enough for him to dismiss the entire idea of it. If anything he did convinced her of this - then she remains his first murder.
And yet, does not that image burn on in his heart? The first spark - not to happiness, but to hatred.
"I can't even imagine what it would look like."
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
Ideas do have power. It's amazing--and sometimes terrifying--how much.
They're having fun too, though. In fact, Ren tries and fails to stifle an affectionately amused smile. Akechi really doesn't know anything about the stars if he thinks Mars is one too. Really, the only reason there's any rivalry at all is because of how they appear from Earth. Mars and Antares can be very respectable rivals to each other from that viewpoint.
Still, one thing he says is true--and proves that Akechi does know at least a little bit after all. "That is possible. We're only seeing their light after millions of years," Ren muses, in their case using 'they' to refer to the binary star system that is Antares. (If one of those went supernova, the other would most certainly go down with the other, considering how close they are.) "The way they look now... the way Mars looks... it's all just..."
They trail off again as something clicks in their mind.
Perception.
Cognition, as someone cheeky might call it. Either way, it's all just the biased perception of people who died ages ago... still influencing the way they're seen now, even after science has expanded so much. Even with the ability to see so much better now, it's still a biased perception, because they're all so far away.
Like the heart of Scorpio, burning as a lamppost to the galaxy at the end of a life of sin.
Like Ren and their hometown. Their family.
"...."
This is the view they grew up with in the mountains of Inaba during summer vacation. The friends they camped with... the adults who looked out for them... That limited view is all they'll ever remember, even if they go home.
They grip the back of the couch.
Can they ever go home at this rate? What happens when they do go home? They're only supposed to be here in Tokyo for a year. What happens after that? They go back to Inaba, where the only high school around already expelled them? To people who grew up with them, yet discarded them once they broke the mold of 'proper' society? No... Even if they do go back to the town where they were born, they can never go "home" again. "Home" is somewhere where you belong.
Their hands shake.
They don't belong anywhere. Not anymore.
They will never see this view again. Not the way they remember it from their childhood.
To keep to the path one deems to be true--that's always what they've tried to do. They're doing it now, even after getting crushed by the hammer of society. They do find meaning in that; they don't regret becoming a Phantom Thief--they love it, even--but if becoming that means burning away everything that made them 'them'...
Maybe they'd have done it anyway.
But it would've been nice if it could've been their choice, instead of something a twisted society forced them into.
'True happiness'? I can't even imagine what it would look like.
There's a tragedy there worth unpacking. Unfortunately, it's come just as Ren's had the worst kind of epiphany.
They get up abruptly, head bowed, hands clenched. "Sorry," they mumble. This isn't Akechi's fault. The two of them were just talking. (Even though Akechi's also caged them with his perceptions and expectations. Even though Akechi keeps confusing them with his mixed signals, like the wrong lights blinking from a communication tower at midnight.) "I just..."
An appropriate excuse doesn't come to mind. They stop bothering to find one. They just turn and stride out of the room, tight and hurried.
If Akechi chases after them--or gives them some time and comes looking for them later--he'll find them in the bathroom, hunched over one of the sinks, washing their face.
The men's bathroom, even. Just one more way they're imprisoned by other people's perceptions.
"......."
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
To be clear, Akechi doesn't actually believe Mars is a Star. However, it's easy to think he might, by what he said.
It's more poetic to think of the rivalry in terms of 'stars' than to be an 'um, actually' in that moment. But, Ren can question that one later...
... cognition, perception. Such things are on his mind. The stars are up in the sky at night. If one didn't know any better, one would think their light was just... there, a view in real time of the entire galaxy.
If one didn't know any better, one might look at the ceiling of this planetarium and think they were real stars. If you woke up here, with eyes staring above... would you understand the difference right away?
"... Hm? You were saying?" He asks, of Ren just trailing off, but as he falls into silence, Akechi lapses into silence too. It's strange, the quiet feels different than it does when he's alone.
Your thoughts veer different places. Your self-concept does too.
Quiet... Ren grips the couch, and he doesn't notice, because he's trying to give him space. His thoughts aren't of home - in that mouldering basement, with pipes that leaked above, the pang-pang-pang of it in old pans he'd have to empty every so often.
Here, he doesn't have to always think about it...
... it's only when they glance again, that they see his hands trembling, "...Amamiya-kun?" He asks, with a tilt of his head their way, questioning, concern implied. He apologizes, gets up, and he begins to sit up.
'I just...'
"... Is something..." Ren has turned away, hurried out of the room, "... amiss?"
Akechi starts blaming himself right away. It's the easiest target. He must have said something, did something that offended him. However, as he reviews the last few moments - he can't figure out a single thing he did.
Rationally... it isn't him.
He only half believes it though. It takes him about half a minute to get up, after his final sight of Ren out that door.
When he enters the Men's restroom, he's standing there in his sweater vest, at the moment, without his suitcase. He stands there, observing him as he washes his face.
Then looks back to the door, like he's considering giving him privacy. He is after all, bad at this.
He's never been good at talking to people in these moments. He knows - if it were him, it'd feel like pity. That he'd despise it.
"I'd ask if it were a case of an upset stomach... if I thought that is all it was."
But... Ren isn't him. Even if there's a lot about him that feels like a reflection in one of those bathroom mirrors to him.
"You don't have to say- if you'd like some privacy, I certainly wouldn't mind."
But, the invitation is there, to say - if he'd like. Because... there's nobody else here for Ren, today. Nobody but him.
So many better candidates out there... and it's just him.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
It is poetic--especially in Japanese, where the planets are colloquially called 'stars'. When Ren realizes that's what Akechi was doing, they'll appreciate his willingness to play along.
Right now, they're in no position to realize their misunderstanding.
The bathroom is quiet at first. Bright and clean and sterile. Ren has never been good at crying; they can be sad or upset, but the tears just don't come. It's like that now too. Their throat's constricted and their breath is hitching and their face hurts, but the only water that runs down their face comes from the faucet.
It doesn't even make sense. It's not like they've realized anything new. Intellectually, they've known all these things all along. But with Kanae's silent rejection and Sojiro still missing-but-not... somehow, all of a sudden, it hits differently.
They don't have a "home." Their parents don't want them--have probably never wanted them--and even that attic where they're staying is... just a room where they're staying. They can collect decorations from their outings with their friends all they like. At the end of the year, they'll have to collect it all and find somewhere else to stay.
Where else can they stay? Their friends wouldn't let them end up on the street--they have faith in that, and that helps this from spiraling into a full-blown panic attack. But none of their places would be "home" either, nor would they be able to stay for long.
When this school year is over and they have to go "home," where is that going to be?
They're hunched over the sink, rubbing water into their face, when the door faintly creaks. Ren's shoulders tense. Akechi's voice follows. Of course it's Akechi. Of course he'd wonder what the hell just happened. Ren looks over at him, dead-eyed and dripping. He doesn't have his briefcase in hand, they note, though their thoughts are too chaotic to read anything into that at the moment.
"...."
It's a kind offer, made through implication. Just the two of them. They could just open up, admit the morning they've had, ask for comfort. Maybe Akechi would even give it. It's the perfect opportunity, isn't it? It's just the two of them.
"Could just" has such a way of trivializing something so fucking difficult.
Ren lowers their gaze to the sink. They fold their arms and hunch over it. "...."
Is it crazy that they want to tell him? Even though they know it's a bad idea? Even if Akechi's being sincere and not trying to lure them into a trap of telling him deeply personal information he can use against them, they know just enough about him to know he won't sympathize anyway. A kid who grew up desperately poor, who lost his parents at some point, who constantly struggled for everything he had and was constantly subjected to judgment for things outside his control--how's he supposed to sympathize with some kid who grew up well-to-do with a still-living set of parents who just want them to Behave, who'd be living a perfectly normal life still if he'd just minded his own business?
Maybe he'd even be right to. Maybe even thinking of telling him what's wrong is incredibly selfish of Ren.
Maybe that's the trap Akechi is trying to lure them into. It's absurd to think he could have predicted this would happen--less so to think he wouldn't take advantage of a prime opportunity.
Didn't they talk about this already, though? About how they don't trust him and he doesn't trust them, and they're both going to move forward with this weird, awkward relationship they have anyway? He could be trying to take advantage. He could also be worried about them. Shouldn't they at least... give him a chance to prove which it is?
...that would be a lot more convincing if their freedom and the freedom of their friends wasn't on the line.
"...Yeah. I think I need to leave," they murmur, looking away. "Sorry."
Pathetic, Caroline and Isabeau had both called them.
They sure as hell feel like it right now. Turning off the faucet, they rip a paper towel from the dispenser and bury their face in it to dry.
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
Even the idea of an upset stomach, was a way to save face, preserve pride.
Ren deals with the crisis of realizing his home no longer exists. Akechi hasn't had one in over a decade. There's a symmetry in the asymmetry of that idea between the two of them.
However, he's been to a restroom to wash his face before. Not after crying. But because he was still nauseated, throwing up after killing Wakaba Isshiki. He wouldn't let himself cry. He doesn't deserve to.
Ren does, though, even if it's only in the privacy of a restroom when they think they're alone.
There's symmetry in the asymmetry. That's how one like him might learn to sympathize with the well-off child of a politician who grew up with a family and a home in a rural area.
Ren tells him he needs to leave. And Akechi nods, as if in acceptance of this idea, looking away. He could just accept the excuse, without complaint, but instead, something creeps into his tone, "... If you say so."
Why the hell do I feel so disappointed?
Because yet again... he feels like an unwelcome guest. Even if it's not in someone's home - just someone's space.
That so many other people exist within casually.
But why should he expect anything different? To be a celebrity detective, is to set yourself apart from everyone else. To be the monster of the Metaverse... is to set yourself apart.
He's a threat to the person that is Ren Amamiya on every possible level. He's right not to trust him. And there's no reason for Akechi to trust Ren either.
To trust, is have someone be a part of your life. So why should this moment end any differently? Ren doesn't even want him in his life, not really. Keep your friends close - but your enemies even closer.
Except... that's not true either. That would imply he's closer than them to the person Ren Amamiya is...
"For what it's worth... I was enjoying this."
... and he knows he's not. Not by a long shot.
He then turns, and the door swings open to mark his passing, as he leaves the restroom and walks away.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
They don't look at him. They don't have to, to hear it in his voice.
Disappointment.
"...."
Why does that have to hurt so much?
(He's disappointed because you aren't living up to the role he assigned you in his head. He's disappointed because there's a game he's playing and you're not playing along the right way. He's disappointed because you have your own fucking shit going on and he doesn't care a goddamn bit--)
For what it's worth... I was enjoying this.
"......"
There's silence in the wake of the swing of the door, after Akechi leaves him behind. Ren lifts their face from the paper towel, eyes down for a long moment before they eventually stare themself down in the mirror.
They look like how they feel: like shit.
Like a disappointment. To someone who...
"Me too," they whisper.
Whatever. They have other things they need to do... Things that, all else aside, Akechi can't be a part of, because he opposes them.
Eventually, they throw their garbage away and leave the planetarium behind.