2025-12-08: Tsubasa's Insight
- Log: Tsubasa's Insight
- Cast: Tsubasa Seki, Ichika Kawase
- Where: Kawase Household, Iwatodai
- OOC Date: 2025-12-08
- IC Date: Wed, Aug 22 2012
- Summary: Ichika's mother wakes Tsubasa, who slept in for once in their life after their ordeal in Eiji's Palace. They're terrified of her at first, but when she convinces them she really does care, they share what they can about the threats Eiji's made and the damage he's done... alongside why they can't rely on their own parents for help, despite having plenty of other adults on their side. They make some soup for Ichika to come home to, and she explores the feelings they couldn't possibly share with her mother: the terrible insight they gained into their body doubles' experiences in Eiji's Palace, and what that might mean for the people really suffering. Ichika, meanwhile, isn't about to let Tsubasa suffer, even as they feel like they're always trusting the wrong people's words -- so she's dragging them out to a concert with Ryuji.
- Content warning: Human trafficking, torture, implied sexual abuse
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa was a quailing wreck when Ichika hauled them home, hours after they ran out in a rage, bruises beginning to form across their body, scratches all over their face. Oh, they certainly tried to project strength -- they stood beside her, rather than hiding behind her -- but they really weren't fooling a woman with her perception score, particularly when Ichika had to do all the talking.
(Because if Tsubasa opened their mouth, they would have just asked her to let them take their stuff so they could get out of her life, hoping to preempt and mollify the rage they're sure is coming.)
They slept alone; they didn't come down for breakfast, either. Thankfully, Ichika's volunteered to take Lance on her morning walkies instead; Tsubasa's really not feeling it.
And after she leaves... Tsubasa still hasn't come down. They've set them up with a traditional futon in the study, folding out to occupy the space behind Dr. Ichika's Dad's desk during the night. (... when they need it, anyway.)
Their sleeping clothes are a tanktop and shorts, not all that different to their dayclothes -- except, of course, for the lack of a binder. ... and the fact that they're not wearing their wig, when they're buried beneath the sheets.
Not the blankets, though.
It's too fucking hot for that.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Knock knock.
"Tsubasa-kun?" comes an older woman's voice, as Mrs. Ichika's Mom checks on Tsubasa at the study door. She doesn't actually open the door yet, notably. Dr. Kawase has already gone to work; he has no particular need of the study for the moment. But Mrs. Kawase is Concerned.
"Are you awake?"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Nnh," is the eloquent response Tsubasa gives, behind the door.
"... yeah."
There's silence for another minute, then: "... what time is it?"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Yeah, eventually.
"10:30," Mrs. Ichika's Mom answers. "You missed breakfast, but that's all right; I kept a few things for you."
She pauses. "May I come in?"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Shit!" Tsubasa barks, behind the door, and Mrs. Ichika's Mom will hear a flurry of activity back there as Tsubasa's trying to scramble up.
It seems like they're too busy panicking over sleeping in to remember to invite her in...
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Language!! ...Well, Mrs. Kawase doesn't mind that much. There's a lot of activity.
"Tsubasa-kun?" she prompts, rather than pushing on in. She can afford to be patient, after all, and she doesn't really want to impose on Tsubasa's sense of space...
It's important, to feel like something is Yours that way, even temporarily.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Uh -- shit -- sorry -- what?"
For some reason, Tsubasa sounds kind of muffled.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"May I come in?"
She waits.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Uh, one sec --"
Tsubasa finishes fighting with their binder, roughly shoves the blond wig Ichika bought them during their exile down on their head, and briefly looks down at their distinctly unconcealed skin with a grimace.
Ugh, like, she's waiting out there, she's probably mad enough as it is -- fuck it, just slap a shirt on and call it done.
"Sure, uh, c'mon in," Tsubasa calls out, rather than make her wait for them to do themself up properly.
She'll find them hurriedly shoving the futon back into a corner, back to her, saying, again, "Sorry --"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Mrs. Ichika's Mom doesn't even blink! she just smiles when she opens the door. It's a measured kind of smile; she's hoping to get a feel for how Tsubasa is doing. And she does, more or less. "Oh, that's fine," she says. "He," and when it's just 'he' with no other preamble, it's almost always her husband, "Is at work on a long shift today."
"...How are you doing?" She closes the door behind her.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
The futon could be folded up a lot neater, by the time Tsubasa finishes hurrying through it, but it's at least out of the way by the time they stand up and turn to face her again. ... their face is a mess; they're sporting more than one bruise, and they have a dozen shallow gouges and abrasions across their cheeks, like they lost a fight with a barbed-wire fence or some greenery.
"I'm cool," they say, anyway, and bow their head as they apologise: "S--sorry for the trouble. I'll go walk Lance right now," because of course they're late on her walk, and they start forward towards the door to take care of it.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
The bruises and scratches do give Mrs. Ichika's Mom pause; she can't hide the look of concern and worry that her face shows when she looks at Tsubasa right then. But they apologize...
"Ichika-chan already got her," she offers. "She's out with her now, in fact. Said she was going to meet a friend."
"...So you really don't have to rush off at all."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Oh --" Tsubasa stops, midway across the room, when Mrs. Ichika's Mom tells them what Ichika's up to. She may note that they are trying not to look her in the eye; it's pretty obvious that it's not out of any lack of respect, either.
"She-- she did? Sorry, I -- that's super irresponsible of me -- I oughta..."
Their mind blanks, and they settle on: "Sorry."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Mrs. Kawase does note those things about Tsubasa. She frowns, thoughtfully.
"No," she says. "It's fine. You clearly had a rough day; it's all right to sleep in now and then."
A pause. "...You're hurt. Should I get the first aid kit?" she wonders. "Tsubasa-kun..."
"We should talk about yesterday."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Mm," Tsubasa nods, still quite frozen. But when Mrs. Ichika's Mom offers to get the first-aid kit, Tsubasa shakes their head. "Ichika patched me up last night, it's cool..."
Their breath freezes in their chest when she brings up yesterday, though.
"Sure," they squeak out.
They're already thinking that of course her mom is too nice to kick them out while she's right there... if they make some excuse about needing to bail, Ichika will believe them, right?
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"All right." That's good enough, though she's going to worry about them anyway. But Mrs. Ichika's Mom sees that frozen breath...
She shakes her head. "I saw what you were burning," she says. "That awful monster of a boy sent them, didn't he? Those pictures of Ichika-chan..."
She sighs.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Sorry," Tsubasa says, again, and apparently it's just their automatic response. "I tried to get rid a 'em."
It takes them another moment to get back around to, "... yeah. That fuckin' Eiji. Sent me a -- letter. Uh."
Standing awkwardly in the room, they rub at their opposite arm, their gaze landing on the bottom edge of a bookcase. "She -- tell you we saw 'em?"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"Next time," she says, "I'd prefer you come to me first. There are safer ways to dispose of such things. ...But you were right to get rid of them."
Eiji... Mrs. Kawase's expression falls. "That horrible boy. What else does he want to take from her?"
She pauses, and then, "Back in June, she mentioned it. I've been worried that he'd try something again."
"You don't deserve whatever it is he wants out of you," she says gently.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Sorry," Tsubaasa says, again.
They just kind of... keep standing there, though they sag, a little, as they listen to what she knows. What she's asking...
"Me," they answer, finally. It might not make much sense, at first.
"He wants to take -- me."
And that might be a little more illuminating.
"Back then, uh, I took a swipe at him... didn't even fuckin' land, but... thing he got pissed 'bout was me grabbin' Ichika an' gunnin' it. Reckons he coulda got her if I didn't, I guess... pissed at me for ruinin' her. After that, uh... after a while, he..."
Tsubasa folds their arms across their chest, shrugging a shoulder. "... he told Ichika he was... gon' do somethin' real bad to me if she didn't give him another chance. Since my parents wouldn't give a shit or nothin'... they wouldn't even try 'n charge 'im."
They bite at the inside of their cheek, as they try to figure out how to say it. "It's kinda, like... he gave it a shot yesterday, but... Ichika saved me from his fuckin' buddy. So..."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
'Me'?
Mrs. Kawase's eyes widen when Tsubasa elaborates. Took a swipe at him--but didn't actually hit him. Her brow knits in worry. "Tsubasa-kun..."
She wishes, for a moment, that she could just give them a hug.
"First: you didn't ruin anything. You wouldn't know what it was like, before she got to know you. She's really opened back up, thanks to you."
"...But I'm sorry. You definitely don't deserve whatever terrible thing he has in mind for you."
"Do you want to sit down?" she offers. "To talk?"
A sigh. "I suppose your parents wouldn't. But that's all the more reason you should stay with us for the summer."
What about after summer? What to do then?
"God," she says. "When will he be satisfied?"
"...Well," she says then, composing herself, "As long as you're under our roof we won't be letting anything like that happen to you. I know we can't protect you completely, but..."
"But I'm glad Ichika-chan could help you at least."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Mrs. Ichika's Mom says that Ichika's gotten better since she's known Tsubasa, and Tsubasa frowns. "Yeah." They... can imagine.
They know what he has in mind, of course; after last night, they know all too well. It's just...
"Sure," they answer her, a touch numbly, when she offers.
"It's stupid... I figured... you wouldn't want some arsonist freak stayin' with your kid after..."
Tsubasa shakes their head, and doesn't finish the thought. They're glad for Ichika, of course. But --
"... you're so nice to me," they settle on, instead. "I don't get it..."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Tsubasa can imagine; that's good enough for now, without Mrs. Kawase actually explaining. She doesn't know what Eiji has in mind exactly; she knows he wants Ichika back, and that he's been a terror to their household ever since that day almost a year ago. Her heart aches to think of Ichika even thinking she might have to go back to him.
So she sits down on one of the chairs meant for reading books, and gently encourages Tsubasa to the other beside it, next to a small table.
"I don't even think about that," Mrs. Kawase answers. "Ichika-chan explained that there were circumstances, though it wasn't my business to inquire as to the details. ...And even so, I didn't think you were trying to set our house on fire."
She can tell... they aren't used to people being nice to them.
"Well," Mrs. Kawase says. "There are two reasons for that."
"The first is simply that I try to be nice to all of Ichika-chan's guests. I don't want her deciding that our house is unfriendly to her or to them, and for her to stop confiding in me and trusting us."
"The second has nothing to do with how happy you seem to make her, and everything to do with the fact that I've come to like you. You've been with us long enough for me to get to know you a little, and you're a very honest, hard-working person. You have a lot of good qualities."
"You've been dealt a bad hand... And maybe I had a few friends when I was younger, who were dealt bad hands, who I couldn't help when I was that young myself. But either way, I won't stand by and watch you fall through the cracks if I can help it."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa takes a seat, and even sits on it properly, their hands coming to rest on top of the table. There's a dressing over their right palm, where they were holding the whole burning mess; Ichika wasn't going to let them 'I'm cool' their way out of that one.
They grasp that wrist, with their good hand, as they listen to her.
It feels... so far away, like she isn't even real.
Tsubasa swallows, at a lump in their throat.
"Sorry... sorry I yelled at you," they say, quietly. "My father used to grab at my hand like that... when he wanted to see what I was holdin', or... one time, he got real pissed at me 'cuz I started wearin' a wig an' went an' got tanned an' shit... said he didn't raise no clown. So he grabbed my hand and yanked it over th' kitchen sink so he could scrub it off... but th' scourer weren't gon' do shit, it weren't sprayed on... got it through his head eventually."
They fall quiet, for a moment, looking down at the scars on their arm. They're plainly obvious, right now; their fake tan doesn't affect the heavy scar tissue on their right side, leaving them with a distinctly piebald look.
"Me parents wouldn't... care 'bout me disappearin', 'cuz... uh, y'know the Aoba Park Arson?" The one the media tried to blame on Tsubasa, that is; even if Ichika's parents don't have the background to recognise them as the Arsonist of City Hall, they have Ichika, who can, in fact, confide in them. "... my mom hired th' arsonists what did that to come kill me. After that, I moved out of the shitbox me father stuffed me in when he got sick a lookin' at me... luckily, I had a friend lookin' out for me, got a place they could put me in. There's this nice older woman next door, uh, Auntie Taeyun," and that's a Korean name, notably, "she been lookin' out for me a bit..."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
The dressing over their right palm is reassuring, at least. But...
"Thank you," Mrs. Kawase says, rather than 'it's okay' or 'don't worry about it'. "But I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that I upset you; I know you don't like to be touched in general, but I forgot in the moment. I saw the burn on your hand, and..." She gestures.
"...But I see. That's a good reason not to want to be grabbed." Her expression darkens as she thinks about Tsubasa's father.
She looks down at Tsubasa's arm too, but only briefly. Back to their face.
"I remember," she says of the arson then. But--
Her eyes widen in horror. "Your mother?" she asks, as if she can't entirely believe it, her hand rising to her mouth. "That's horrible. I'm so sorry."
"...I'm glad you have good friends, given that your parents have turned on you so awfully."
"But if that ever changes," she says of that place, "Even if you and Ichika-chan fall out... You can come to me, all right?"
A beat, "But if you want to learn to make something to take to your Auntie now and then," she says, "I can help with that too. I'm relieved to hear there's at least some other adults in your life..."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa shakes their head. "It's cool," they assure her; they're not quite as emotionally intelligent as Mrs. Ichika's Mom, though they at least seem to be trying to get at something similar. "You... were worried, yeah? You... wanted to help. Sorry... sorry it's so hard to remember that."
And why it's hard to remember that, it's --
"Sorry," Tsubasa says, again, in the wake of her horror. "I shouldn't say shit like that about my mom, right? Jus'... it's true. Uh... not that I reckon it was her idea, or nothin'... my father's the one who told me to hurry up an' kill myself to make his life easier, he prolly beat her into it." It keeps getting worse! How does it keep getting WORSE?!
They actually do look up to her, visibly surprised, when they realise she's offered to let them come to her. "Uh. Come to you? S--sure. Thanks..."
Tsubasa at least brightens up a little, when Mrs. Ichika's Mom talks about the other adults in their life. "I--I ain't on me own or nothin'," they say. "Me case manager's Officer Shimizu... she even put me up in her own joint for a week when me dad kicked me out after I came out. Uh, her sisters, too? Like, uh, especially Big Sis -- uh, Shimizu-san," Tsubasa remembers NOT to talk about her like a gangster in front of the nice surburban mother, "an' there's th' owner a th' Cardboard Dragon, Yeo-sama, they been lookin' out for me fer ages, uh, they the one what got me the place I'm stayin'... couple other folks at their store lookin' out for me, too, like, like there's this fuckin' nun an' shit? Deadass a nun, man, she's cool. An' there's this guy, Mark-san, he went from doin' graffiti to like, studyin' real art at university an' shit, an'... this other guy, Sergeant Suou, he helped get me outta lockup when they was tryin' to tell me I set th' fires out in Aoba? Uh, an' th' counsellor at school, Marlowe-sensei, he been tryin' to sort me out. Got me binder from Kujaku-hakase, they even got me measurements to do me own shit... an' there's this woman, Akabane-san, who kinda gets where my family situation's at? An' I been doin' work for this woman called Uchida-san, she works at a detective agency in Aoba? I been thinkin'... like... like, I can't do shit right now, I got a record, but if I keep clean for five years I can get me detective's licence, an' like, that's prolly shit I can fit around helpin' Ichika..." It turns out there's way more people than Auntie Taeyun keeping tabs on Tsubasa!
... and they're even entertaining ideas about the future beyond petty crime thanks to her daughter, apparently.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Mrs. Ichika's Mom is good at emotional matters; she had to be, to keep her family together after all that's happened. ...Maybe for that reason she's better at it than she used to be, too.
"Yes," she says. "I wanted to help. I still do. ...It's all right; I'll remind you again if you forget."
But, "If it's true, you're quite allowed to say it," Mrs. Kawase says. "But that's..." Pause. If she says 'that's horrible!' again, Tsubasa will clam up. So instead, "That's not proper parenting," though it feels like an incredible understatement. "Of either of them. I'm very glad you're not in their house now."
But it does make her almost sympathetic to their mother--almost.
Still, "Oh..." Mrs. Kawase smiles, when she hears about this pantheon of carers. So many people, most of whom she knows very little about. She doesn't bother trying to correct Tsubasa's language for the moment. She can handle a few swears in private. "A nun?" she wonders. "Well, I suppose a nun would want to look after a young person..." That's something nuns do, isn't it? But the rest, "Ahh, Ichika-chan mentioned the counselor at school, too."
Her smile is solid, by the end. "...I'm really glad," she says. "You have so much support. That makes me feel a great deal of relief, Tsubasa-kun."
But she caught... "Helping Ichika, hm?" she notes. "So you want to stay with her for a long time."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Thanks," Tsubasa says, swallowing at that lump in their throat again.
They take another breath -- it shudders, a little -- as they look down at their hands. "Oniisan's still with 'em, I'm pre' sure..." Tsubasa says, with a touch of guilt. (And that will be their older brother, contextually; younger siblings, speaking respectfully, don't refer to their older siblings by name but by that title.) "... but they actually wanted to have him, so I guess he's fine..."
Tsubasa doesn't some particularly sure, but what can they do?
Kiyoshi was always happy to back his parents up.
"Uh, I got friends me own age, too," Tsubasa thinks to add to Ichika's mother's relief. "They supportin' me, too, jus' -- y'know -- it's different, yeah?" Tsubasa's not going to expect the same things out of Hibari that they might look to Myunghon for, even though Hibari's rumours have saved their ass many times.
They smile again, though -- a touch bashful -- when Mrs. Ichika's Mom pulls out a particular thing from their list, though. They release the death grip on their wrist, finally, so they can lift their hand to scratch their cheek. "Uh, yeah... like... she wants a family, yeah? But she wants to like, do reportin' an' shit like that, too... it'd suck if she had to give that up to have kids. So I thought, like -- if I can get some kinda job where I can like, do shit from home, do less hours... like, I can take some pressure of her, y'know? Easier if I do it than her man, like... y'know, careers an' shit... freaks like me ain't in that system, so I ain't got that pressure to stay back all night. Yeah?"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Their older brother. Mrs. Kawase frowns, and then normalizes her expression to try to avoid putting even more pressure on Tsubasa. "I hope so," she says of him being fine. "But I'm more focused on you at the moment."
For instance, on their friends their own age! "Good," she says. "But it is different. Your peers' support is important... But you deserve to have adults around you you can trust, too."
Mrs. Kawase smiles more at that bashful look. "Hmmm..."
"It's hard to balance a career with children," she agrees. "I'm still kind of amazed that you thought up that approach."
She pauses. "Well, I don't want you thinking of yourself as a freak forever," she admits, "But I think that sounds very nice."
"I have a few other curiosities... but I suppose they are a bit premature."
"...Well. If you're up, how about you help me with getting ready for lunch in a while?"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Yeah," Tsubasa nods, as strange as it is to them that they would be focused on.
And to have adults they can trust! It's true, though. Tsubasa has so many adults they can turn to at this point, as if all of Hirasaka (and beyond) turned around and went 'that's a perfectly good teenager you just threw out, we'll take them'. It turns out not all adults are shitty!! Look at Mrs. Ichika's Mom. She's so nice.
"I mean... if she got someone else around, she don't gotta be everythin' by herself, yeah?" Tsubasa knows a thing or two about how stressful even part-time work is alongside the full-time job of being a mother; they'd really prefer Ichika didn't turn to hypnotics to deal with the stress of it all. They're brought out of their thoughts about Ichika, though, as her mother reminds them they're not a freak: "O-oh, uh, yeah..." And there they kind of trail off a bit because they feel like they should apologise again but they manage not to.
They nod, though, when Mrs. Ichika's Mom asks for help with lunch. "Sure. Uh, wanted to ask 'bout, uh, how ya get the veggies in that soup to not be, like, soggy an' miserable..."
See!! They're trying!!
And that means Ichika gets lunch, when she makes her way back.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
It's very nice.
"That's true," Mrs. Kawase answers with a smile. "But it's not quite the same as having just a great friend or a brother or sister to lean on," she remembers. "I'm glad you both are finding something that works for you."
If Tsubasa stays with Ichika long-term, well... That will make them family, even if it's not true on paper. And in the meantime...
They're a friend of the family, and that's good too.
"Sure, I'll show you!" she says of the veggies, and...
Soon enough, Ichika comes back.
"I'm home!" she calls to the house, walking inside. She's still wearing her skull tanktop and cargo pants, of course. She sees to Lance first, of course, so it'll be a minute before she can talk.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Yeah, uh... it's different," Tsubasa agrees. "Like I'm some kinda... dad-uncle or... third parent or... somethin'... I dunno, we'll figure out what to call me." There's not really a word for a non-gendered parent which isn't parent. Ent? Parry? Look, it's not going to be relevant for like, the next four or five years, probably, don't even worry about it.
More relevant: when Ichika gets home, she'll hear a familiar brusque greeting of, "Yo," from the kitchen.
"Uh," Tsubasa starts, when she actually gets in. "Thanks for, like, gettin' Lance out... sorry I slept in on ya. Uh." They pause, for a moment, before they gesture awkwardly at SOUP. "We got lunch?"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
It's definitely unusual to Mrs. Kawase, but it doesn't seem bad. ...She does wonder if they'll all really decide it's OK, but she's willing to let them decide that for themselves.
She hopes it works out!
But now, Ichika is here, and she smiles. "It's cool," she says. "Nice to hang with Lance, and I met with Hyousuke-kun for a bit, too."
She pauses. "Lunch sounds great! I love soup!"
"You helped? I heard a 'we' there."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Oh, cool," Tsubasa smiles, if briefly. "How he goin'?"
They reach up to rub the back of their neck, glancing aside. "Uh, yeah... I mean, mostly it were ya mom showin' me how to not fuck it up so bad, since I could never make the veg' in there not, like, sad as hell, but... y'know..."
But they did help!! And apparently were the one to ask about making this properly to begin with.
The best part is that the vegetables are not, in fact, soggy and miserable and sad.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"He's the usual. But he's eating a lot of noodles lately, so that's cool."
But, "Oh, she's good at that!" She smiles. "So you decided to help, huh? That's cool. Guess maybe I won't have to do all the cooking after all."
Not that she expected otherwise, when Tsubasa said so. But it's nice to see the proof.
Ichika will eat lunch happily, and eventually...
"Mm! That was really good!" she says. "Thanks, both of you. I feel kinda spoiled by getting the whole treatment..."
Mrs Kawase smiles. "I'm glad you liked it. Tsubasa-kun was a big help! But shoo, you two--I'll handle the dishes this time. Go on."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Oh, cool. Yeah, him an' Sakamoto-kun both." Tsubasa grins, though this, too, is brief.
"Uh, yeah... ya mom's real good at this kinda thing." Tsubasa is happy to hear Ichika realising she won't get saddled with all the work, though. They might not, like, intrinsically get this kinda thing, but that don't mean they can't learn??
Tsubasa, as it happens, also likes soup.
"Least I could do," Tsubasa says, when Ichika compliments them. "Uh -- an' thanks, Mrs. Kawase," they add, with a bow of their head to her mother. "I'll catch up, promise." They know she had to both handle the work of cooking and handling all their mistakes...
"Thanks," they say, again, when she excuses them, as they head up the stairs with Ichika.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika laughs. "Heard about that. The spicy challenge..."
But her Mom is really good at it! Ichika is still all smiles. "Yeah. ...She's really great."
They'll catch up. "Sure, sure," Mrs. Kawase says, and then up they go!!
"Thanks!" Ichika says down to her mother as she starts the stairs, and then, she opens up the door to her room. "OK in here?" she asks Tsubasa as she heads in, waiting for them to also come through.
But if they'd rather not...
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa will say nice things at their funerals. And as it happens, Mrs. Ichika's Mom is pretty great, and that means --
"Yeah, that's cool," Tsubasa says, as they step inside. "Thanks." They pause, for a moment...
... and then go to sit down on the bed.
"C'mere?" They ask, a touch uncertainly, reaching out to her with their good hand.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"Great," Ichika says, and--when Tsubasa sits on the bed, Ichika blinks once in surprise--and then closes the door before she walks over, taking Tsubasa's hand and moving to sit down next to them on the bed.
"Sure," Ichika says. "I'm here. What's up?"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Um..." Tsubasa starts, holding Ichika's hand. She can tell they're still a little tense, though they're clearly trying.
"Thanks for, uh..." They turn their other hand over, demonstratively, to show the gauze she's taped there to keep the burn clean.
"... know I wasn't too chatty last night," Tsubasa settles on, after a moment. "You... doin' okay?"
She sure seems like she's coping a lot better with what happened yesterday than they are, but...
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
She can tell, all right. Ichika doesn't mind that though. "You're welcome," Ichika says of the gauze. "It's just first aid stuff."
But...
"I am," Ichika says. "It was rough, but.... I feel stronger than I have in a long time."
"I feel like I can do this, now. That it's not just going to wreck me trying... that I'll be able to come out on the other side, and still be here."
She squeezes Tsubasa's hand. "...But if you wanna talk now... I'd like us both to get to talk about it."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"You're really amazin', you know that...?" Tsubasa asks, as they look to her, all hillstone and fury. "I'm real glad to hear that... I know how important makin' that prick answer for himself personally is to ya."
They look down at her hand, taking a breath. "I... can talk about it now," they decide, slowly. "Told... told ya mom a bit... like, how that prick's threatenin' to do somethin' bad to me to try an' force you, anyway... that kinda thing." They're glossing over a lot with the category, but it's fine, her mom can tell her how concerning the punk's situation is later. "Jus'... a lot a that, it's... not... for polite company," they settle on. "Wish I could say I'm as gung-ho as you... 'stead a jus' angry."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Amazing. Ichika looks back to Tsubasa's face, and squeezes their hand. "It is," she says. "...Honestly, even knowing it won't change what happened.... I want to do it. I want to stop him."
But Tsubasa... can talk about it. Ichika nods. "I haven't mentioned most of that stuff to her... It's not that I want to keep it from her, it's just..." She shakes her head. Well, anyway, "Yeah," she says. "It's not. And it's hard to explain, since she doesn't know all this Metaverse stuff."
"...It's fine to just be angry. I just... kinda snapped, you know? I'm not just chargin' in recklessly anymore, but I'm not holding back, either."
"But I couldn't tell you how to feel the same. Besides... I didn't get that flower stuck in my face."
She has a lot of feelings about all of it, but...
"Angry's good, though. It's better than giving up."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Won't change what happened," Tsubasa says, their usual stoicism a touch more bothered than usual, "but it changes what's happenin'."
They shrug a shoulder, glancing away. "Jus'... felt like she deserved to know what was goin' on, since I went off on her an' shit... uh, she reckons I got attacked in the real world, tho', didn't have nothin' to explain all that Palace shit. Sorry." It's only kind of a lie!
Tsubasa squeezes Ichika's hand, as she says that she's not charging in recklessly. "Cool," they nod, affirmatively.
But...
They're quiet, as they say: "Almost did."
Give up, that is.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"Exactly," Ichika says, and she notes that bother--because, "I'm not just thinking of me, you know? ...Not anymore."
Ichika nods. "Well, you couldn't really avoid something--you got hurt, she can see that." A shake of her head. "It's OK."
But...
"Almost," she says. "...That's OK, too, you know? Thinking about it isn't the same. ...Even giving up for a while isn't the same."
"Not when you got back up eventually."
"...Guess that sounds like self-help shit though..."
Ichika sighs, and shakes her head. "...Well, I'm getting ahead of myself. You know I'm always here to pull you back up. But..."
"How do you feel about it, right? ...Tell me how you're feeling. What you think."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa listens to Ichika's reassurances, with a tug of a brief smile as she says that it's not the same if they get back up; they know it isn't just self-help shit, because they've seen the experience in her.
They hesitate, though, when Ichika asks how they feel. They said they'd talk about it, but... well, it's not just Ichika any more, but it's still also Ichika, it always has been.
They don't want to hurt her.
But... the way she is now... looking to her, Tsubasa isn't so sure they'll drag her down so easily.
"... I... I feel... dirty," is why it took so long, a thing which explains itself on the speaking. "Like... everythin' about me... everythin' that makes me, me... it was all attacked. Like -- like -- gettin' beat, gettin' -- stripped, but like, not just like that, you know? Stripped a me name, me hopes, me plans, me priorities, me values... but... not not like that... neither. Like... I didn't belong to myself, at... at that monster's mercy."
Tsubasa's fingers tighten, in Ichika's hand; she will find theirs trembling. "Somethin' inside me kept me fightin'... like... knowin' you'd save me," and it's the best way they have to explain it. "But when I could take a breath, fuck, I... it was so much, man..."
They're quiet, for a moment, before they take another breath. "Jus'... then I thought, like... like all that weren't shit, man. Jus' a metaphor for what he's doin'. Fuckin' allegory. An' I thought -- fuck -- that crushin', fuckin'... forcin' deference, jus' lettin' anyone do anythin'... an' in ya head you gettin' fucked with every time they take a belt to ya, an'... fuck, man... he's a fuckin' monster. I don't know shit, man... but I know he's a piece a shit."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika'll do her best.
It does take a while, but that's OK. Ichika listens. She hears it. And...
"...Yeah," she says. "Yeah."
Ichika squeezes Tsubasa's hand.
"It made me think of it too," she admits. "Not so... directly, as it sounds like it did you. ...It's like..."
"Yeah. ...So, I got to thinking... It's just happenstance, you know? It's just, like--chance, that I'm so special to him. I could be just another girl. And then I'd be just like all of them. ...Since what they got, it's even worse than what I got. He wanted to keep me intact so I could plan his parties and bear his son and all. ...But these girls, he doesn't need them to live, he can just... throw them away, replace them when they're gone."
"It's being under his thumb, but having to be under it for all these other people, too. It's... like you're not even a person."
"..That's what I think, anyway. I think of the ones he's hurt, and I'm like... those are my sisters, you know?"
"...He's... awful. What he did to me was only the beginning--if it even was the beginning."
"...Anyway, you're right. It was attacking what made you 'you'. Crunching you down into something he could use."
"...I won't forgive him. Not just for what he did to me and our baby. But for you. For every one of those girls. For the guys he got down there too. For everybody I don't know..."
"He's just gotta go down."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa listens, quietly, as Ichika shares her own feelings.
"Th' thing 'bout a pedestal is," they surmise, quietly, "you always got the threat a gettin' knocked off an' treated like th' rest a 'em."
"..."
"His... version a Hajime talked 'bout th' guys. How he'd make friends with 'em, promise 'em th' world, then snatch their visas an' force 'em to work. Kitchens, he said... but it can't jus' be that."
"Yeah. He can't... keep doin' this."
But Tsubasa's slipping away.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
A pedestal... "Guess so," Ichika admits. But... this version of Hajime. He talked about that. "No, I'm sure it's not just that," Ichika agrees. "...But..."
"Hey," she says. "Come back to me," gently. "I want to know how to help you."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"I'm -- scared," Tsubasa admits, their voice rough.
"I feel... bad. Like... my body. Like -- I'm not safe. I --"
Their expression is drawn, as they look up to Ichika again. "Part of me wants to run away... so no one's gotta touch me ever again. Pa--part a me wants -- wants a hug. But then I think -- like, I'm scared, like -- it'll hurt..."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Scared. This is familiar to Ichika.
"Tsubasa..."
"Can I hug you, then?" Ichika asks. "Show you it won't hurt."
"...The fear, it'll just build and build. For me... I threw myself into touch. Maybe too much, to be honest. But..."
That flower is even worse than Ichika thought it was.
Another reason never to forgive Eiji. It's not an abstraction. It's...
"Point is, I don't want you to run away. I want you to stay. With me."
"...You're safe with me here, right now. I promise."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Mm..." Tsubasa hums, uncertainly, but they can at least hear Ichika out. The fear won't go away, and...
And she wants them to stay.
"O-okay," Tsubasa says, shifting closer to Ichika, curling a hand about her midsection. And she can feel how tense they are, as they press against her, as if they're made of steel cord holding up the Moonlight Bridge.
"Sorry," they mumble, against her. "I believe you. I believe you, Ichika. I jus' -- jus' keep rememberin' -- how she felt --"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika feels that tension, all right, so she's so, so gentle when she wraps both arms around Tsubasa in turn. She goes slowly, carefully, ready to stop at any moment--but if it becomes clear she won't have to, she'll hold Tsubasa more firmly, more closely.
"It's OK," Ichika says. "...It's OK. You're not there. You're with me."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa went in the opposite direction to Ichika; where she drew closer, they pulled away. It makes it all the harder, now, for them to admit their vulnerability against someone else -- but Ichika has done nothing but prove her worthiness to grasp it.
And as she grasps them, she will, slowly, be able to coax them into relaxing, with a long, ragged breath as they sink into her. "Fuck," Tsubasa chokes out, what-if-all-they're-worth-is --
"Scrubbed for hours, but I ain't never gon' get clean... that... jus' how it gonna be?"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika strokes Tsubasa's back, slowly letting her hand slide back and forth. It's a slow effort, but it's okay...
"Not forever," Ichika answers. "You find ways to get to yourself again. It's..."
"It's gonna feel like that, for a while."
"But you find ways. You find ways to replace that dirt with more of 'you', instead of him. Bit by bit, you take yourself back."
"....Some people tried to tell me... that it wasn't me who was dirty at all. I had a hard time believing that. But I think it's something you fix from the inside, not from the outside."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"I watched my hand move, like it wasn't mine," Tsubasa relates, a touch numb, though Ichika will at least feel their shoulderblades sink out of their stiff position under her fingertips. "Scrubbin' an' scrubbin'... jus' like me father. But jus' like back then, it wouldn't come out... it were baked in my skin."
Tsubasa's eyes feel wet, as they sink into Ichika, releasing so much of that tension they've wound up into themself. Their breath hitches, as they clutch at her. "I-I -- feel -- sick. Exposed. W--weighed an' measured. An' nothin' even happened, Ichika. It were all in my head... what do I do about that, man...?"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"...Yeah," Ichika says. Ichika feels it; she keeps holding them, listening.
"It wasn't like you just imagined it though," Ichika said. "It was in your head, yeah, but it's still something you felt for real. It was in your body. One of those like, whole feelings, not just head feelings."
She squeezes lightly. "So something did happen, OK?"
"...You can only run from it for so long before you gotta sit with it."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"I feel -- crazy," Tsubasa admits, and it is more a red letter to them than any implicating metaphor could be.
But Ichika squeezes, and their breath hitches, with a sniffle. "O-okay."
What she's saying... makes a lot of sense, but...
"... sit with me?" Tsubasa asks, their voice small. "I -- I need -- help."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Crazy...
"I will," Ichika answers Tsubasa. "I'll just sit here with you, and I'll do whatever you need, okay?"
"I'll just be here," she says softly, trying to soothe.
"I'm here."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Mm-hmm," Tsubasa nods, against her, burying their face against her shoulder.
And for a time, they're gripped with sobbing, with all the grief of a story almost ground out of them, sanded down and replaced with whatever they wanted.
"I-I don't --" they choke out, "wanna go --" all in gasps, "to that place --" and in stops, "to that man --! Why--why can't my father jus' let me go, anyway?! He don't want me--!"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika holds onto Tsubasa anyway; her arms stay around them, keep them in place, and make sure they won't just fade away.
"You won't have to," Ichika promises. "...You won't have to. It's not going to happen like that."
"Your father's just an asshole who can't handle things not being how he wants them."
"But he's gonna have to deal."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa clutches her, tightly -- though a little less so, as they jostle that burn and yelp. That arm falls slack, but the other's still clinging.
"I burned it all up -- so it couldn't hurt no one no more," Tsubasa pulls back, just enough to tap the side of their head with that presently-useless hand, demonstratively. "But it's still in here. And I can't stop thinkin' 'bout it. Like I know he's full a shit, so why I feel like I'm draggin' ya down? When ya jus' got ya resolve to fight, I'm out here -- out here knowin' -- knowin'," they can only repeat the word, in a deperate attempt to get the depths of it across.
"It's not even fair... if he still values me at all... why is it so funny to make me think I'm so damn disposable?! Like... like fuckin' anyone is... like they get to jus', decide that..."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"Sorry," Ichika murmurs at that yelp. But--
Ah, that. "...'Cause he's good at making people feel how he wants them to," Ichika says. "He was always good at that with me."
"Because he's building on the shit your father always bashed into you. ...That you're not any good."
"What do you know?" she murmurs.
"...he doesn't get to decide, anyway. We'll show him."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"N--not your fault," Tsubasa sniffles out.
Still... he's good at making people feel how he wants them to, because he's just exploiting what Hanzou always said. "This sucks," Tsubasa whines, and that at least sounds exactly like someone who's only turning eighteen in a couple of days.
(Not that they've ever told Ichika their birthday.)
"I know... how she felt," Tsubasa manages, when Ichika asks after them. "And... she's not real, y'know? It's... like... a picture of a picture... always gettin' blurrier. I could fight back... those figments a people in his head, no way they can. They don't got no choice but to cave... that ain't... how reality is, neither."
Tsubasa bites at their lip, looking to Ichika. "Jus'... a part a me's... real worried... what if that figment's some kinda premonition? Like... I should be stronger... I should be able to say I ain't goin' nowhere, but... but that's what they all want outta me, ain't it?"
"My father, too..."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"It sucks," Ichika agrees. ...And well, they're both that young. Ichika doesn't know Tsubasa's birthday, but...
"Ah, yeah..." Knowing. "It's not," she agrees. "It's not how reality is."
She pauses, though. Some kind of premonition... Ichika's expression turns thoughtful as she quiets. "...I can't believe that," she says. "I definitely can't believe that's true."
"And I don't know how to prove it to you, but I'll find a way, OK?"
"I know it's what they want, but..."
"They're not gonna get it."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"I want to stay here," Tsubasa says, in an echo of Ichika's own words, "with you."
Even if they're not running away...
"I'll keep fightin'... for that. Even tho' they're all around me... an' I can't even see th' threats right in front a me."
Akechi. Tsubasa is terribly paranoid, but they trusted him; how shaken must they be, to realise that even their attempts to keep themself safe are pointless when they don't know which of their friends is holding a knife?
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"Then you can," Ichika says. "Then you will."
But they'll keep fighting... "I'll fight with you," she says. "...And..."
"Don't blame yourself for him, OK? Like... I thought he was legit, too."
"But we'll figure it all out together."
"I'm sorry, Tsubasa. ...It sucks."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"I feel so stupid," Tsubasa sighs. "I keep... lettin' the poison in... an' gettin' mad at good people. Even now... even now, there's a bit a me, like, like, I'm draggin' you down, when you finally got back up..."
It's just like the kind of thing their father would say, and just as Ichika's said, that's why it's so hard to shake.
"But... you're right," they breathe out, straightening up. "We'll -- we'll figure it out. We're in this together... an' we got Sakamoto-kun an' the others with us now, too... yeah?"
They're evidently fragile, but... they're not broken.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika doesn't let go. "It's not stupid," she says. "...But you're not dragging me down. You're part of why I got here, you know? Why I can fight now."
She is right. "Mm-hm. We do. We've got them, too."
"...I love you, Tsubasa. And we're gonna get through this."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"I'm proud a ya," Tsubasa says, and they'll just have to pray that it's not undercut by how much their makeup's running right now.
(They did get their concealer on before making lunch, obviously. How are they supposed to walk around looking like a freak if Mrs. Ichika's Mom doesn't want them thought of that way? ... Tsubasa might be missing the point a little, but they're trying.)
Tsubasa swallows, smoothing Ichika's hair down with their less-painful hand, and they smile to her. "I love you, Ichika," and they can even say that without tripping over themself, most days, now. ... they've been getting in a lot of practice. "That's stronger than him... so are you."
It takes them a moment to add, "... an' me."
"But--but hey, c'mon..." Tsubasa at least tries to smile, resting their hand at her shoulder. "You can't be holed up in ya room all day, it's summer... I'll be cool, yeah...?"
Tsubasa has a terrible habit of saying they're cool when they're anything but. If they really feel like a weight around her neck...
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika smiles. "Thanks."
Well, they're trying, and that counts for a lot! Ichika's going to have to touch up her makeup, too. But she keeps watching Tsubasa. They love her, too.
"Right," she says. "It is. We are."
But...?
"That's true," Ichika says, and then squeezes.
"So you better get ready! We got a concert to go to! You think I'm letting my little sister play without going to see her?"
She lets go, and starts to stand up. "C'mon!"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa, who had perhaps been preparing to steal Ichika's room to be miserable in while she went out and had fun, is instead shocked like some kind of incredibly marketable Zio Rat when she squeezes them. "Huh?!" They all but yelp, as they straighten up.
"You-- we-- wait, is this a date?!"
IT'S A TRIPLE DATE LET'S GO