2025-12-16: Scar Talk
- Log: Scar Talk
- Cast: Tsubasa Seki, Ichika Kawase
- Where: Ochiai Hotel, Yumezaki Ward
- OOC Date: 2025-12-16
- IC Date: Sun, Aug 26 2012
- Summary: Ichika takes Tsubasa out to a hotel, where they can have a communal bathing experience which won't inherently misgender them like the public bathhouses would. They apologise for their earlier behaviour, and Ichika shares her discomfort with being elevated just as much as she's uncomfortable being put down. Tsubasa offers her an explanation, though, and she learns that the pedestal was incidental to the way they lower themself down when their own inferiority complex gets triggered... all thanks to their narcissistic father. In the honesty of the baths, they're able to share some of how it feels instead of just relating facts. But that honesty was something they were looking for so they could share their scars with her, too: despite all their layers of artifice, they feel ready to let her examine them without them, and she treats it with all the care it deserves.
- Content warning: Child abuse, immolation, nudity, sexual references.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika managed to find a place to suit her and Tsubasa's needs without too much trouble. Getting a reservation on short notice was a little more work, but she managed to find one that wasn't super crowded. Then was the matter of asking her parents if she could go Out overnight to a hotel...
But she didn't actually have to explain so much. It was decided and handled, and then it was just a matter of actually driving out there. It would be night by the time they arrived, though as it happens, Tsubasa doesn't need to take off their makeup and such until after they get there, if they don't want to. The trip is smooth; Ichika's a good driver, as it happens. At least, pretty good. It's not as fast as the train in terms of speed, but on the other hand they can go straight there instead of detouring to Tokyo first, so it evens out.
For the trip over Ichika has changed, wearing a nice (but not too nice) black dress into the hotel with heels; checkin is not really a problem. And the room itself...
The room is very nice! It's expensive, because that's what was still available, which means a big western-style bed with fluffy pillows and big blankets.
The balcony leads into a private bath; it's nicely set up, with smooth wooden bounding and a deep enough bottom to sit down mostly submerged. There are nice rocks about to enhance the experience, and a night-time view of the city that comes a little too high for anyone to look in on them.
It is open-air, but not particlarly exposed.
Ichika's let Tsubasa set the pace here, but she's already changed into a robe and washed off her makeup, putting her hair up so that it doesn't get in the water too much.
But, she changed separately, this time. She's got bare feet on the deck of the onsen, looking out over the city.
"Wow..."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa, as it happens, doesn't want to take their makeup off until they get there. What if they need to get out? What if the cops stop them? What if they have a car crash and they get taken to hospital and they look like a freak?!
(That last one isn't really a concern, as it happens. "Damn, you're good at this," Tsubasa notes on a particularly tricky merger.)
Tsubasa kind of... doesn't have many clothes which don't make them look like a punk, but they've gotten into a tawny button-down shirt and some nice slacks. It feels entirely unfitting on a backdrop of them, but, like: they tried. They're even wearing the blond wig, which is the closest thing to respectable they've got!! Luckily, when they get to the Ochiai Hotel, Ichika handles the talking.
They of course had to jump into the shower first, because, like: that's so much makeup. So much concealer. Every time they wash up they then have to kind of hose the shower off with more water so they don't end up leaving puddles of makeup mud on the tiles. It's a travesty.
Also a travesty: they can't really wear their wig in water. They considered wearing a shower cap to hide that horrible stuff the remains of their hair does, but...
... but the point of this was that they wanted Ichika to know.
So it's kind of -- looking like a troll doll got a buzzcut and also went through the lawnmower. You know. Burn scars all over their skull, patchy brown hair they can't shave too closely... it's confronting, particularly paired with the striking piebald look of their scars against their fake tan now that concealer isn't splitting the difference. At least they have a bathrobe they can hide in, coming out here.
"Man... glad you could grab a room," Tsubasa says, as they step out behind her. "Even if it's super late, feels like I'd still be worried someone'd drop in... I ain't, like, been to no bathhouse for years, man. Guess I'm lucky me folks always had a house with bathin' shit in there..."
They reach out, to place a hand at her arm. "I'm kinda nervous," they admit. "I... always been coverin' all this up. But... I don't wanna hide from you, neither."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika is pretty proud by the time she gets here. Nobody got hurt! But then, she took the classes and all...
Ichika grabbed her shower first; it's important to wash off before getting in, after all, and she didn't need to take nearly as long... especially not with her hair so much shorter than it used to be.
The talking to the staff is long behind her; it went fine, given the credit card on file belonged to someone a little more respectable.
But Ichika doesn't stare or make any untoward comments at Tsubasa's patchy hair or obvious scars. But then... She's facing away, at the moment; when she does turn to Tsubasa though, she looks them over and then smiles. "Yeah," Ichika agrees. "Public wouldn't be... great, for something like this."
No bathhouse for years. That makes sense. "I go pretty often to one near the dorms," Ichika says. "But this one's really nice."
She nods to Tsubasa. "I appreciate it," she says. "...Wanting to not hide, I mean. I get it, being nervous."
She reflects for a moment; maybe a 'normal' girl would be more nervous. But this part was always easier for Ichika.
"I want to share with you, too," she says.
"...You want to get in first, or you want me to?" she offers. "However's good for you."
Ah, that's where the nerves are; she's worried... Tsubasa will have trouble.
Ichika reaches over and places a hand over Tsubasa's. "We got all night, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"I... I mean, I used to?" Tsubasa says, as they look out over the city. "Used to go all th' time... got me outta th' house. Father used to say I was wastin' my time, when we had a perfectly good bath at home, but I always told him I didn't wanna be takin' it up if he wanted one... so it wasn't, like, a big deal."
They smile, to her, though they're still visibly nervous; perhaps it's a good sign, at least, that they can show her that. Her hand... helps. "Yeah... but I wanna get into it. Uh, guess I'll go first..."
They step forward, untying their robe to place it safely out of the water's reach by the pool; and Ichika already knew their back was scarred, thanks to her earlier efforts, but it's down their legs just the same. Something which affected their whole body... though one side's been scarred far more heavily than the other.
Tsubasa sighs, as they step into the water and sit down, sinking into it. "Man, though, that's nice... feels like I'm hurtin' less already."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"That makes sense," Ichika says. "That's part of what I like, too. Gets me out of the dorm." It wasn't a big deal... but it's something they feel they can't do anymore. Ichika finds herself sad for that, though she doesn't want to call attention to it and bring Tsubasa's mood down. Instead, she tries to be reassuring.
They'll go first, then. Ichika watches; she knew about some of the scars, but it's more notable to see them like that. She traces the edges of those scars with her eyes, thoughtful.
"Yeah?" Ichika asks when Tsubasa sits down. "Great. They're supposed to be real good for you."
She takes a breath, and unties her own robe back at the entrance to the room, hanging her robe up and walking over. If Tsubasa looks at her after the shuffle of cloth; she'll see; Ichika does not have a lot of scars, as it happens. Her skin is unmarked by much of anything. But the most notable thing aside from her more obvious attributes (and she certainly has those) are the stretchmarks at her belly, at her bust, at her thighs, all signs of a body changed fairly quickly in relative terms.
She stands just outside the water at first, and looks out into the city.
"...I like it when you hurt less."
She steps a little ways' away from Tsubasa to get in so that they're not right by each other, one step in the water first. "Ah--"
It is pretty hot. "...That is nice," she says, and steps the rest of the way in, sitting down to sink in too.
"Mm..."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa does look over; and yes, they see the obvious. But the stretch marks, too... she has them this early.
... they wonder how much harrassment she's gotten from women who think she's older than she is, in more public versions of this.
Let alone the boys.
"Yeah... I want th' same for you, y'know?"
In she gets, and... the front of Tsubasa's as scarred as the back. It progresses across their body like a gradient, from those deep, obvious scars at their right side, to shallower fare, and then to skin relatively untouched at their left.
Relatively. On examination there are still dozens of shallow little scars there, superficial first-degree burns; they get drowned out by their more severe neighbours, on the other side of their body, but they're there if Ichika looks.
"It's so fuckin' good," they mumble, draping their arms out against the edge of the bath to stop themself from sinking in so deep they have to find out whether or not they're a fish.
And, like... that quiet lasts for a pretty good, long time, on Tsubasa's end. They are occupied with Enjoying The Hot Bath They Can Actually Stretch Out In, which is definitely not a thing they can do in the Kawase household, even if they appreciate that they have bathing facilities in their home.
Eventually, though, they do open their eyes, looking over to Ichika again. "Hey..." they start, their voice gentle.
"Sorry, like... I crashed ya excitement with me weird hangups, back there. It really is a cool van, yeah? An' I oughta say congrats on gettin' to tell Sevens to eat shit. It's real good."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
The boys who were smart didn't make a big deal of it...
But that's not to say Ichika's never had to put up with it when they did. From them, or from those women. But, still. Ichika smiles back, about the matter of wanting the same thing for each other. And she does look at the scars; the sees the superficial ones, the severe ones, the progression...
They are probably not a fish.
"Yeah," Ichika agrees about it being so good, and for a long few moments, Ichika just spends her time studying Tsubasa. Eventually, by the time Tsubasa opens her eyes, she's leaned against the edge, and a sigh slides past her lips.
It really is nice.
"It's OK," Ichika answers. "Thanks. ...And yeah. Like..."
"Well, I already told you why I don't want to go back. I got a lot of reasons."
"...Whether they put me up as this great example, or look down on me..."
"I don't want either of those things. I want people to see me for 'me'."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Yeah," Tsubasa nods, looking over to Ichika. One of their hands stretches out to lay their fingers over hers, on the edge of the bath, though they're not quick to move over there.
"... that's a super normal thing to want. Like... either way, people are jus' buildin' you up in their heads as somethin' you ain't, right? It sucks."
... they're not thinking about what Ichika might be thinking about, though, even though they sound pretty honest in what they're saying.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika smiles briefly. It's brief, because it's while their fingers brush, but...
"Yeah," Ichika says. "Like..."
"I'm a little worried," she says. "You seemed to have this idea that I'm so much... better, you know?"
"I feel like..."
"Well," she says, "I don't want to be... this unattainable ideal, right...?"
"I want you to see me for me, too."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"... oh," Tsubasa says, looking down. When she says it... now they get it.
"Sorry... yeah, that sucks," they agree, their voice still soft. "'Specially right after Eiji... musta been rough. Didn't... connect it like that, but, like... still sucks."
Tsubasa shakes their head, looking back to Ichika. "You, uh... you want me to explain, or... jus' not pull that shit again?"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"It's not a huge deal," Ichika says. "Like... it's not like you did it like he did it or anything. But I thought, if we're being open with each other like this, I should tell you now, while it's not a big deal."
Since it might get there.
"I'd like to hear it," she says. "I mean, what's on your mind. Since it sounds like it's something..."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Thanks for tellin' me," Tsubasa says, smiling briefly to her, their fingers curling over hers with a light squeeze. "I wanna know 'bout shit like this."
And she wants to know, too. Ichika chose the hard option, but, like... they kinda owe it to her. "It, uh... it's about my father," they warn her, and that might give her a clue as to why it takes them a while longer to actually say it, too.
"... I got... this huge inferiority complex goin'," Tsubasa explains, drawing up a knee so they can look at that instead of her. "Got it from him, I guess... it's jus'... when I feel like I ain't enough, I freak out a bit, or whatever. I weren't... thinkin' you were like, so much better, more... I weren't nothin'. Less than nothin'. 'Specially when I compared us... like... I can hear him, y'know? How he'd say, like, 'who do you think you are', an I had to... reassure him, like..." Tsubasa falls quiet, for a moment.
"... sorry," they settle on, at length. "Guess it's... pretty insultin'... I'd get like that. Situations are totally different... I jus'... I really weren't buildin' you up," they insist, again. "I were -- tearin' me down."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika smiles back.
"Okay," she says, when they say it's about their father. And she waits. She waits, her red eyes on Tsubasa's face.
"Oh..."
"...He sucks," Ichika says after that apology. "Nah. It doesn't insult me, anyway. ...I mean, it's worse," she admits. "It's definitely worse. ...Tearing yourself down, I mean."
"But I get what you mean. I'm not gonna get mad at you for it, or anything."
"...Especially not since it's one of those things he put on you."
"But I'm with you because I want to be."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"They... they both bad," Tsubasa says, feeling a familiar weight in their chest.
Ichika says she's not mad, though... and despite their fear, Tsubasa believes her.
Even though their first instinct is to apologise.
"I want to be, too," Tsubasa says. "Really... I really want to be."
To run away, to hide, to put up walls and put on layers...
They squeeze her hand, instead.
"I... um..." Tsubasa turns to look at Ichika; to let her see the complicated emotions running through their eyes. "When I get like that, I feel... very small. Like... no amount of apologising would ever be enough. Like I'm asking too much even... being seen. He... wouldn't always yell, you know? Sometimes he would just... grunt, and scowl, and... he liked keeping the thermostat down, didn't like a big heating bill, but the warmth all fell out of the room all at once... looking at me like... like a bug, or something worse. And I had to -- I had to -- make it right, right away, even if I didn't know what I did wrong... like, like I said I was going to be just like oniisama once, I was still real young, hadn't figured what I was doing yet... and he just, gave me that look, and... I knew I did something wrong, but I didn't get it, I was too young and too stupid and... and he said he couldn't believe he had to explain it to me, how there was no way I'd ever be like him, they'd wanted him and he was going to be somebody and I was just... he'd always be standing over me, you know? Or... putting stuff up, like... like all the expenses he had to pay for me that kept him from stuff he wanted, like... that's how we knew we weren't goin' on vacation, 'cuz I showed up. Always... had to explain, apologise... when he wasn't happy, I felt it in my body. I feel it," they insist, glancing down to the water. "Water's hot... but I'm real cold right now."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Both bad. But...
Ichika looks at Tsubasa, too; at their eyes, at their face, where she can see those complicated feelings. And she listens. Being seen... And the way he'd do it. Looking at them. ....Treating...
"That's terrible," Ichika says, her expression going soft. "I'm sorry," she says, and it is very much not an apology.
"...That's not how any father should treat their kid."
"...Can I do anything?" Ichika wonders. "To make you feel better?"
"...You know like..."
"...It's just not right. You aren't stupid. You aren't any of those things."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa shakes their head. "Sorry," and it is an apology, even if they shouldn't need to. "I ain't... tryin' to make ya feel bad. Ain't... he wouldn't like me talkin' 'bout it, anyway," and maybe that's why they sound so frozen-in-fear to even be talking. "Jus'... jus'... I keep this shit inside, but I ain't... it still makes me do stupid shit. I thought..."
They swallow, and take a breath. "If you knew why I... couldn't always get it in me head why you'd wanna be with me... why I'd be enough... maybe it wouldn't suck so bad?" And there's something a little pressured, to the way they raise their tone into a question. "I am tryin'. An' I do -- do shut me brain up -- a lot a times. Jus... when I start feelin' that way, I... I don't think like I oughta, I jus' fall into th' pattern. Y'know?"
Tsubasa looks -- upset. "Like... like I told Sakamoto-kun a bit 'bout me parents, earlier, an'... he said my mom oughta tried to kill him before she ever got anyone killin' me. An' I jus'... I couldn't explain how... how that didn't make no sense? He -- matters, an' I... like, I weren't even supposed to be born, man. 'Course I'd get sacrificed so they didn't gotta cop shit. But I couldn't say anything, man, I jus' shut down... like... like... I can't be talkin' about this shit... I'm not makin' no sense, am I?"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"You're not," Ichika answers, shaking her head. Her bleached-blonde hair wavers with the force of how sure she is of that. "...I want you to talk about it," she says, hoping to be encouraging.
"...Yeah. That makes sense. I get it; I'm not going to get mad at you for feeling that way." The pattern...
"...Mm."
Ichika doesn't disagree with Ryuji's assessment exactly, but... "It's not simple," she says. "...I can't go along with that kind of talk, but..."
"But I'm not made at you for feeling that way, either."
"...It kinda makes sense? You got beat down so much that you just... get into that old way of thinking. Like you don't matter at all."
"...I hope I can convince you one day he was wrong."
"But it doesn't have to be today. ...Today you can just... be with me, OK?"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Yeah..." Tsubasa squeezes Ichika's hand, again. She... wants them to talk. That means more than... than keeping the blinds closed, right?
"I keep wanting to say something like... like, sorry, or, I wish I was better, or... and it's stupid, like, it's jus' 'cuz I'm talkin' 'bout it," and the shift back to slang is audible, from one half of the sentence to the other. "An' talkin' 'bout it, talkin' 'bout it makes me think a what happened when Mrs. Wakui next door came an' sat with me when I got locked out as a kid... how mom lectured me 'bout how I couldn't tell my father no one noticed me, how he'd be embarrassed if he knew someone noticed somethin' was wrong. O-only reason I was... out there that long was everyone was busy doin' stuff, no one had time to come help me out... oniisama said I shouldna forgot me key, but I was, like, fuckin' ten, man... but it was my fault for cryin' that obvious..."
They take another breath.
With great effort, they repeat: "'He was wrong'... that's what you said. Jus'... a man like that... fills the whole room up... don't leave no room for you. Jus'... keepin' him happy... or how much shit you in 'cuz he ain't. Like you always tiptoein' around, like you notice anythin' outta place... like it's life or death, man. I don't... I don't know how to say it, jus'... he was always right, an'... we was always wrong. So I can say... I can say, he's a dick, y'know? A... a real jerk. But it's like I'm pushin' somethin' outta place... an' it jus' falls right back in when I run outta strength."
Tsubasa shakes their head. "But... I'm real glad I'm with you. Really... man, you set this up the minute I said I wanted to... means so much, Ichika," and they actually manage to smile, saying that. "Like... you really make me feel like I'm... worth somethin', you know? Like... like you'd be there if I was in trouble. I..."
They turn towards her, so that they can stretch their right arm out into her space, too. "If you want... you can... have a closer look at these," they offer, heart in their throat. "I -- I cover it all up, but... you won't look at me with no, like... pity or disgust or, revulsion." A light pause, "Like... like bein' so disgusted at somethin' it makes you angry," they remember to explain their ten-dollar word so Ichika doesn't have to just feel dumb for not getting it. "It's how everyone looked at me... how me family looked at me. I never wanted no one to see me again..."
Tsubasa looks back up to Ichika, with another wavering smile. "... but... that was before I met you, yeah? You really... really helped."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
It's pretty audible. Ichika hears it. She doesn't hear it herself, when she switches between ways of speaking. Not all the time, anyway. But that story... "A ten year old?" Ichika wonders. "...That's fucked up."
Great effort. Ichika watches Tsubasa's face. "Yeah, I did." She bites her lip. "...That makes sense," she says. "It's not... quite the same, as it was with Eiji," she says. "With Eiji I just knew... if I did something he didn't like, he'd make me know it. He'd punish me for it. ...Hold on a little too tight, or shove, or..."
"Well, you know."
It wasn't just at the end. It wasn't just that last, worst incident.
"So it's not the same, but it makes sense."
But they're glad. Ichika smiles, and leans a little forward. "I was happy to. ...I used to... I used to plan stuff for everybody--for, you know, friends and stuff."
"...But you actually appreciate it. That means something, too." She smiles back. "You are, and I would."
She considers, and--ah. She doesn't understand 'revulsion' at first, until Tsubasa explains it. "Oh..."
"I want to look," she says. "I want to get to know you. ...Your scars, too."
"I'm happy," she says. "That you'd trust me. ...That I helped."
She takes Tsubasa's arm, and... looks. Feels. Gently, slowly.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Yeah... I know how that goes. Like... my father used to love holdin' on too tight." Ichika even saw it, once, when he dug his fingers into the bruising at their arm as he dragged them out of lockup. "Used to say, like... no one'd believe me anyway... since if I was hurt, it was somethin' else what did it." And they're pretty sure Eiji loved that kind of deniability, too.
"... sucks," and that's something they can say easier because they're talking about what Ichika went through, too.
It's easier to care when it's someone else.
"Man... I really do, y'know? Like... really." Appreciate her, they mean.
Tsubasa lets her have their arm... and she can feel them relax, as she's gentle with it. "That... that bit there... on me elbow... it ain't look so bad 'cuz they grafted skin on from somewhere else," Tsubasa explains, as Ichika feels the difference in the quality of their skin. "I couldn't, like... bend right... use me hands right... not before they fixed it up. They said... some a them burns... ate right through to me muscle, to me bones... they had to do a lot a work to fix me up. Lotta physio, too... like, they said I was real lucky not to have nothin'... amputated."
They shift closer, once Ichika's finished examining her arm. "... you know... how I ain't all that expressive?" They ask, bringing her hand up to their scarred cheek. "It ain't, um... if I get all animated... makes it real obvious one side a me face don't move as good. That's... why I learned to keep me cool. I mean... it still, kinda works, but... if it's someone's face... 'kinda' really stands out."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika sure did see it. "Yeah..." He did. Ichika listens. "...I remember."
Both. But Ichika knows that about Tsubasa, too. And as to appreciation, well.. Ichika knows that, too. Ichika smiles.
Then, she looks. She listens. Skin from somewhere else... It is different. "Oh..." Burns are awful. Ichika didn't know just how bad they could be, before Tsubasa. Or rather, she didn't really think about it. "I see... I'm glad they were able to help you, then."
But Ichika finishes eventually, her soft fingerpads finally leaving the burns that she's examining. Memorizing.
"I know," Icihika answers. "...Oh..."
Her expression shifts. "Yeah... It would. I'm sorry," she says. "Keeping cool is cool and all, but I wish you didn't have to, even if you didn't want to."
"It doesn't bug me, though." She rests her hand there, fingers to Tsubasa's cheek. "It's your face. That makes it good to me."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa glances away, when Ichika confirms she remembers what he did, though their eyes come back to her soon enough.
... they are reactive to her smiles, though, even if their own is brief.
Burns are awful. Most people who are given Psychotic Breakdowns don't survive the process. Tsubasa sometimes thinks about how they likely weren't meant to, if not for the aide who had second thoughts and rescued them from the flames. They're a dead guy walking in many ways; there's a reason they resonate so much with a bird in a constant cycle of death and rebirth.
But they helped them. And...
"Sometimes," they admit, "I can't really tell if I'm unlucky or insanely lucky."
Her fingers are... much softer than theirs. They really appreciate how gentle she is, now.
And when Ichika apologises, Tsubasa breathes out in a soft sigh, with a slight little shake of their head. "Nah, like... suits me anyway, y'know? I'd feel weird gettin' all chirpy now..."
When Ichika's fingers rest on their cheek, they lean into them; they can't feel her touch quite as well, on that side, but it clearly means so much that she'd touch those scars so fearlessly. She can feel the gasp that unfolds their jaw, when she tells them why it's good; their eyes close, for a moment, as they try to get on top of getting all emotional and tearing up.
Which of course they fail immediately; it's fine. Maybe the steam can cover for them.
"Ichika... you really think it's good, don't ya? You really do... f-fuck, man... it's gotta be insanely lucky if you're my girl, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Unlucky, or insanely lucky. Ichika can't answer that one at first. Instead, she focuses on Tsubasa's skin, one soft touch at a time. Tsubasa sighs, though, and... "Guess that's true," Ichika agrees. "This is you."
Ichika listens and watches still. She feels the gasp, and can tell they're trying to be less emotional, but...
"I do," Ichika answers, and puts on a small, warm smile. "I'm your girl, and that's what I think."
"...Not gonna complain if you say you're lucky to have me."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Yeah," Tsubasa affirms. "I'm tough."
Which can still be true, even if they're in this situation, because...
They're smiling, too, when they look to her again, the warmth of her fingertips and her offering reminding them the water's not that cold. They lift their hand to press over hers, holding it against those scars for a long moment, before they curl their fingers around the side of her palm, lowering it to the side.
It's all in the name of pressing their lips to the side of her fingers, the gesture removed in this vulnerable position but still carrying with it all the intent. When they free her hand, they're still smiling.
"But I know I don't... gotta be tough 'round you," and they won't try too hard to explain the tears in their eyes, saying that. "I love you so fuckin' much, Ichika... bein' with you's the first time... bein' vulnerable like this felt like I was safe. Really... means so much to me, babe."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Very tough!
But Ichika is smiling still, the natural color of her lip so much different from the black she usually wears. There's something different about her face being bare.
...But her hand, still a little wet, is easy to kiss. "Tsubasa..."
"That's right," Ichika says. "You can just be... whatever you want to be."
"Because I love you, too."
"...I want you to feel safe," she says. "I'm happy, it means something to you."
"...I feel..."
"I feel good, being with you."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa's usual cyan warpaint is a lot different to their naturally neutral pinkish lips, too; their father once accused them of being a clown, but their blue and white makeup is far more striking than entertaining.
"I wanna be... real with you," they resolve, despite all the layers of artifice they put on to keep the world out when they're out there. "Not just 'cuz you like that shit... but it's 'cuz you like that shit, too."
They're still smiling, despite the way their face is normally arranged. "When you're happy, like... it makes me happy, too. An' hearin' you feel good 'bout it, like... fuck, man, nothin' makes me happier than that. We're partners... means we're bein' together as a whole thing."
Tsubasa shakes their head, as they feel a twinge of guilt over putting Ichika first before their family. (Shaking it off.) "You're what's important to me now," they decide, instead. "You're... the one what really cares about me, y'know? So... so fuck 'em," and that might put their thoughts into context, if nothing else, "I got a girl strong as a fuckin' mountain, man. Gon' worry 'bout her."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Real. Ichika's smile stays, but it sparkles in her eyes, too. "...Okay." Not just because, but also because.
"That's right," Ichika asys. "I'm still getting used to that idea, too... Of having partners, instead of... just friends. Or less than friends, I guess." Some of them were like that.
"I do," Ichika answers, care about them. It puts it in context, all right. "Yeah," she says. "I want you to focus on me."
She smiles. "...Kinda selfish, I guess, but you did say I should be."
"...And we don't have to hide stuff anymore, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"I'm real happy... ya felt like you could get used to it with me." Tsubasa grins, briefly. "I ain't the only one, neither. You know me an' Sakamoto-kun are bros now? Legit." They seem pretty happy about that, too.
It's Tsubasa's turn, now, to lift their hand to Ichika's cheek; water flecks from it, falling lightly to the water below, as they dampen the side of her face with their palm. "Babe, I love it when you're selfish," they smile, deeply fond. "Ain't no one deserve the world more than you... an' there ain't nothin' in the world catches my eye more'n you, neither. Like, literally, too... I knew you were straight fuckin' beautiful, but you're seriously like, ultra rare, man."
it's some nerd shit don't worry about it
"You don't gotta hide nothin' ya don't want to," Tsubasa insists, smiling. "Goes for me, too... an' I don't wanna be hidin' from ya."
... they're not going to say that either of them don't need to hide anything, though; rather, they're sharing themself because they want to. It feels like... an important distinction, after Hajime's interrogations.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"It's nice," Ichika says softly. "Having someone to count on like that. The old way had some nice benefits, but..." But this is different. And she brightens, lighting up at the news. "Really?" Ichika asks, straightening her shoulders slightly. Her shoulders seem so thin like this--comparatively, anyway.
"Tsubasa..." Deserves the world. Ichika smiles still, and she wonders if her face might start hurting at some point. Catches their eye...
She says, "If you think I'm beautiful like this," she says, "Then I'm really happy."
Pause. "...Ultra rare...?"
But nothing she doesn't want to. That's a nice addition, and she tilts her head slightly, thinking about it. "...Yeah. Nothing I don't want to."
She might want to keep some things just for Ryuji--especially when--well. Later.
"I don't want to hide from you, either."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Yeah, really!" Tsubasa even uses an exclamation mark, because they put a little rising-tone emphasis on the whole thing, but it sure isn't a question. "Ha, way I put it was... we was both on Team Ichika."
They do not mention the fact that they were defeated by ten thousand burgers, though. But be assured: if they did, it would have been ten thousand burgers which defeated them, not ten burgers.
"Like this...? Ichika, you more beautiful like this," Tsubasa insists, and a glance down will confirm again for her that they have, in fact, seen it. "I was readin' 'bout it earlier... they look so great 'cuz you was pregnant, right? You really are a total knockout..."
At which point they kind of trail off and mumble, "y'know, those're th' best Beckonin' cards..."
NERD SHIT, ICHIKA!
It might not even be hard for Ichika to keep some things separate between the two of them; Tsubasa is probably not going to be all that interested in joining their sappy movie nights, and Ryuji doesn't seem to have all that much interest in spray paint. (Weren't you going legit, Tsubasa? ((Art isn't a crime, parenthetical narc. (((Why don't we go ask Sergeant Suou that. ((((ABSOLUTELY NOT --))))
"That's great," Tsubasa smiles, tabling the debate on graffiti's merits for a later time.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"Team Ichika, huh...? Makes me sound cool. Like a football team or something," she laughs. "I like it."
But more? She doesn't care about burgers for now; she cares about being called more beautiful. "...I thought so," she says. "When you see someone without anything on, that's when they're most attractive." A beat, "...Yeah," she says. "They got bigger when I was pregnant. Never shrank back down..." A beat, "...Well, you can look," she offers. "You can even stare a little, when I'm not talking or something. ...I like knowing you think I look good. I like being... distracting."
But the best Beckoning cards? "Oh," Ichika asys. "...Maybe you can teach me that game sometime?"
Ichika figures some things will be easy to keep separate. ...But those things, too.
Ichika laughs softly. "...The water's real nice, isn't it...?"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Heh heh," Tsubasa chuckles, and even manages to grin briefly again.
(They're now wondering how much she'd laugh if they did show up in matching jersies one day. Evil plots for later, it's fine.)
"That -- ain't gon' be hard," Tsubasa admits, just a little embarrassed at how easily Ichika has their number, when she assures them that staring is fine. Mostly they're busy looking into her eyes, though... well, aside from occasionally glancing over to her hair to give her a break from the sustained eye contact. Like now, when they reach over to comb their fingers through her shorter hair, lacing it behind her ear. "You're like, really super gorgeous... an' the mom body makes you hotter, man."
... Tsubasa isn't about to be one of those people making Ichika feel bad about her stretch marks.
"I'd love to," they smile, when Ichika asks if she can learn to play. "You'd love the Seelie, man, their whole bit is like, bein' ridiculously hot but havin' fair rules for the mortals who get in with 'em."
They chuckle, again, looking down at the water. "Yeah..."
They're not entirely talking about the water, though.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Evil plots!!! It's hard to say how Ichika would react.
So that won't be hard. Ichika would make a joke there, if Tsubasa were a boy. ...Maybe; she likes the eye contact though. ...It is a little overwhelming, so the breaks are nice, but when she can sustain it, it's good. And when Tsubasa runs their hand through her hair, Ichika sighs again, her eyes briefly closing. "Tsubasa..."
But super gorgeous. "Really?" she wonders of her mom body. "...I hope you still feel that way later," she says. "Because I'll only get mom-er later. ...And I get kinda needy when I'm... you know." Mom-er is a word. Shut up.
"Hmm... that does sound fun."
But she's not thinking overmuch about card games, at the moment. She looks to Tsubasa looking down. "Hey," she says. "...If you want to do more than look..." She ventures it carefully, softly. She doesn't want to push. Well, no; she wants to push. But she wants more for Tsubasa to be comfortable.
"Just let me know," she finishes, and then looks out over the cityscape again.
"...I feel so..."
"Connected," Ichika says. "To the city. ...To you."
"It's a good feeling."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Don't worry, Tsubasa will have overthought it five times by lunchtime tomorrow.
"I don't see that changin'," Tsubasa assures Ichika, with all her hopes. "'Sides... it's nice bein' needed." Mom-er is absolutely a word. Tsubasa knows all the words in the dictionary, they're an expert.
"Great." Card games are for later, though; right now, they've got Ichika right here.
And here, again, Ichika kind of has to dig out Tsubasa's coloured cheeks from the other context clues, because they've done an excellent job of making the colour easy to miss. "Yeah...? ... yeah," they answer her last points, first; all those things which make it warm in here. "Me, too... I'm real glad we came out here tonight."
Their hand slips down, to her shoulder; and they can feel their heart quickening, but they remind themself they're invited. "Tho', uh... I reckon we could... y'know... connect a little more...?"
It's nice to spend a lot of time with your girlfriend when she's gone to all the trouble of hiring out a nice hotel room for the night.