2025-12-17: Wolf in Sheep's Clothing
- Cutscene: Wolf in Sheep's Clothing
- Cast: Shinjiro Aragaki
- Where: Iwatodai Dormitory
- OOC Date: 2025-12-17
- IC Date: August 27, 2012
- Summary: Shinjiro ruminates after Ken's Awakening.
- Content Warning: Depressive ruminations (including on worthlessness and suicide), panic attacks, nightmares
Shinjiro has barely removed his jacket before he slumps into his bed, but sleep isn't going to come to him easily.
What has he done?
An eleven year old's life has been irrevocably changed for the worse and it's all his fault.
He stares at the ceiling, eyes wide. That scream. That guttural, guttural scream. That rage. That anger.
All aimed at that Gigas, misguided hate while the wolf remains in sheep's clothing. While the lamb respects the wolf, seems to trust him.
If Shinjiro is a wild wolf, shouldn't he be culled?
It's not a path he'll take. He has responsibilities to bear... but it'd have been better if he never existed. So many lives would be improved without his existence.
Akihiko, Mitsuru... the Cardboard Dragon... Ken. They'd do better if he wasn't there.
But he is. And he sees himself as too much of a coward to change that besides what's coming to him regardless.
As he stares at that ceiling, Shinjiro considers what path to take next. He does need to protect this boy until he goes. He can't let him know he's a wolf and shatter his world further. The people Ken needs right now...
He can't break Ken's faith in them.
"Fuck," Shinjiro says quietly under his breath, barely audible to even himself.
Did he deserve this attempt at life? This bucket list? This attempt to make the most of one more year?
When he keeps taking, and taking, and taking?
Ken can never return to being a 'normal' boy. Every night he'll see that green light. That blood in the water. The sharks circling around it in the form of monsters.
Rolling onto his side, Shinjiro feels his chest hurt like his heart is racing a mile a minute. His body tenses, his face flushes, and everything feels like anguish, more so than his condition usually makes it feels. He feels tight in his chest, like the world's going to end right now.
Trying to help himself, he grasps his bed sheet with both hands, trying to center his breathing, trying to remember that the world is right here. He's not dead yet.
He can't make it right.
But maybe he can make it less awful.
Maybe that'd be enough for someone without a future to do.
As the panic fades, the numb comes in. This is meaningless. He can't do anything right now.
It's one AM, there's no supernatural, no talking to anyone, no *existing* in this moment. All he can do...
All anyone can do is let the numb bring them to sleep.
Shinjiro is rocked with nightmares once more. That familiar house etched into his brain, pulverized in an instant. Castor's rage, Castor's hate, Castor's anger, as it takes a life. The death of a woman who quite literally did not deserve it.
When morning comes, he'll continue as usual. But morning won't come quickly enough.