2026-01-20: A Weight I Have To Carry
- Log: A Weight I Have To Carry
- Cast: Shinjiro Aragaki, Suzume Fukura
- Where: Iwatodai Dormitory
- OOC Date: January 20, 2026
- IC Date: September 13, 2012
- Summary: After the raid on the SEES dorms, Shinjiro and Suzume survey the damages to the kitchen. Suzume confronts Shinjiro over his friendship with Niko, and learns he was trading Strega intel. Her anger and search for answers leads to him confiding his condition, and in the end, Shinjiro isn't alone in moving forward.
(|============================ Iwatodai Dormitory ============================|) -================================================== Iwatodai City/Iwatodai ====- A large four-story dormitory used by the Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad, only five minutes from Iwatodai Station. Upon entering, one passes a desk with a sign-in book for guests to find a large carpeted common room that's well appointed for co-ed gatherings. A TV is usually on with the local news or a movie that's been loaded into the DVD player for a student to enjoy. A table for shared dinners, or more often study sessions, takes up the other half of the dorm, as well as a kitchen should one dare to show off their skills to their fellow students. There are two winding staircases on either side. The one on the left simply says 'Boys' while the other on the right states 'No Boys Except By Invitation.' The implicit threat of execution need not be written down for those who violate these rules. The second and third stories are living spaces divided by gender with common spaces that have study areas and bookshelves available. The fourth story is the command center with surveillance capabilities for not just different parts of the city but each room within the dorms. The Chairman has assured all who live here that this capability is strictly necessary. BGM - Dormitory Theme - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cj-FrFI0qnM
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
It has been two days since the SEES dorm raid. The good news is Shinjiro didn't immediately ditch the dorms and head to the alleyways again like he has before as a stress mechanism.
The bad news is he's been avoidant, often in his room or out where he can't be easily reached, and definitely not talkative at school.
But today he has no choice. He's gotta venture into the kitchen at some point, survey what they need to replace from what was stolen or destroyed alongside the fridge.
He's in his red coat and beanie as he steps into the kitchen, his notebook in one hand and a pen in the other. Yes, he's taking this seriously.
Food prep is no laughing matter.
<Pose Tracker> Suzume Fukura has posed.
It has been two days since the SEES dorm raid.
Suzume has continued to live in the dorm, because where else is she going to go? She has been extremely strict about checking locks even though none of the locks made any difference at all and has made sure to have her Evoker handy pretty much all the time.
Shinjiro arrives in the kitchen. Nobody bothers him for about ten minutes.
And then Suzume is there, for similar reasons as he is - she keeps some stuff in the kitchen and she wants to see how much of it is still there. Whether she was expecting to run into Shinjiro or not is a good question. She hasn't spoken to him since the attack.
"Yo," she says, her all-purpose greeting, as she stands in the kitchen doorway. Not getting too close to him while he works, but also making it harder to leave. "How much crap are we missing?"
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
As Suzume arrives, Shinjiro tilts his head to her. They had an awkward time on the roof, but he's not going to bring it up first.
"A lot of stuff spoiled when they blasted the fridge, so if it was perishable, you want a new one. ...maybe in general. Doesn't look like they hit the pantry, at least, so anything that was in there should be fine."
He steps back, in case she wants a look, before checking his notes on ingredients. "I'll need to make a grocery run soon. ...how are you holding up?"
<Pose Tracker> Suzume Fukura has posed.
"Nnn."
Suzume clearly is unhappy with the damage to the fridge, but she pushes in and past anyway, because she had a soda in there. Sodas can't spoil! They can merely become not cold.
She can't find it. Either it was damaged or someone else got it first in the 'trying to clear out the fridge' process, but she remains in front of the fridge for a few moments to try, rummaging.
"I'm okay," she says, into the fridge. "She didn't beat me up that bad. All that combat training helped." Even if Suzume sometimes still feels weird about using it on people, and not Shadows. She didn't say that at the time, but...
It's in her to get into a shoving match, maybe even a fistfight. Using her tonfa against someone who was, to all appearances, trying to kill her... that's different.
"What about you?"
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
Shinjiro lets Suzume forward - to her luck, he doesn't just ditch her, either, to avoid what may be awkward. "Good. My injuries were also lighter than some."
An exhale, as he knows how that looks. He leans against the counter, thinking.
"...I'm trying to process it still. It's... not the first time my home's been violated like that."
Though last time, it was burnt down. This time... it survived.
"I think it'll take some time."
<Pose Tracker> Suzume Fukura has posed.
"Nnn," Suzume doesn't-say again. It's not really *speaking* as such. It's kind of just a noncommital noise. "I hate it," she admits. "I feel like someone's gonna barge in, all the time. Even if nobody ever does. Nobody's even been up to my room but me."
She gives up on finding the soda and turns, reflexively closing the fridge door behind her. Which doesn't help Shinjiro sort through it, but she did it without thinking.
"Was she going easy on you?" Suzume asks. "'Shin-chan'." She shouldn't be sore about the name. It's not like Niko was particularly kind about using Suzume's correct one, either. But she made it sound like they were close...
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
"...yeah," Shinjiro says sympathetically. He feels the same way, but doesn't know how to verbalize it.
But as she closes the door, he frowns, though her question distracts him entirely from moving to deal with that.
"...I doubt it," he sighs. "I think that'd be a betrayal of the way she lives her life."
He winces, as he realizes how that sounds again, and what Suzume's trying to figure out.
"...Niko and I ran in similar circles. We... have things in common, and eventually, we started encountering each other. We became friends. I don't like everything she's doing, though, and I don't entirely get why she did this."
<Pose Tracker> Suzume Fukura has posed.
Suzume scowls.
She isn't very good at concealing her emotions; she never has been. Shinjiro can read her like a book, at least if he's looking at her; it's harder from just her voice.
"Some things in common, huh." Suzume looks up at Shinjiro, actually meeting his eyes, almost a little challenging. "I was wondering. Because I got a good look at her Evoker, you know. It's not one of ours."
"But you showed up with yours before you re-joined SEES, didn't you? I thought it was your old one, that you kept from before. But all of OURS have SEES written on the side." Engraved, not written, but close enough.
"So - with the 'similar circles' - " Suzume bites back what she was going to say. Then: "I just wanna know what's going ON. I already can't trust Kirijo Group, apparently!" Who else can't she trust?
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
Shinjiro listens. He doesn't interrupt Suzume, as she scowls, though he does frown sharply. He also doesn't interrupt her as she makes her observations.
In the end, he's silent for a long moment. He steps forward - it may seem he's going to leave - and instead heads for the fridge, before turning. He's clearly burning anxious energy via motion.
"...Two years ago, I left SEES. That was the first time I met Strega."
His tone makes it clear this is Serious, what he's about to share. His gaze is stony, but the fact he's going to tell Suzume this at all is because he thinks she is owed it.
"They had something I needed, that I didn't feel I could get elsewhere. So I started buying it off them. At first, for a long time, it was just money. Eventually, they wanted information on supernatural happenings and whatever I got keeping my ear to the ground." He leaves a gap there. Maybe he'll broach it again later.
"They're not good people. I've never liked them, they give me the creeps. But when Yamagishi was trapped... I didn't feel I could go back to Kirijo. Not with..." He trails off.
"So instead, I bought an Evoker off of them."
<Pose Tracker> Suzume Fukura has posed.
Suzume gets out of Shinjiro's way when he goes to the fridge. This also means he's in his way again if he wants to go anywhere ELSE but, well. It's not a big kitchen. There's not many places for her to stand!
Two years ago, he left SEES. Suzume knew this - well, maybe not the exact timing but she knew he was with SEES when it was brand new, and then he wasn't, because he told her that part. He was coming 'back' to SEES, after all. He already knew Mitsuru and Akihiko.
She doesn't know why. She wants to. But she doesn't ask yet.
But they had something he needed. Suzume doesn't know what it is. Something that must be hard to get, or he would have gotten it somewhere else if he thought they were creepy... or he's lying. She can't tell. And she hates that, the anger building up again.
Especially as they turned him into an information-gatherer. Or maybe...
"Be honest," Suzume says, her voice a little tight. "Because if you don't I'll kick your ass and I don't care how much trouble I get in for it." (Odds are good she'd lose, or at least not win. She doesn't care.)
"Did you ever tell them anything about us? About SEES? To get your... stuff?"
Suzume closes her hand into a fist, then relaxes it by force of will. "Because you came back to Kirijo - to SEES - pretty soon after that. I mean, when you came and bailed us out in Tartarus. And I'm not saying I wish you hadn't. But..."
How much does an Evoker cost? Especially if they're not asking for money. It's not like Shinjiro HAS a lot of money, even now - and he had less before.
"...I hate this." Suzume hates that she has to ask. She feels like she's breaking a bond just pushing on it. But what else can she do? Fume? Be wrong?
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
"I'm not going to lie to you," Shinjiro says with utmost seriousness. "That's not fair to anyone."
A sigh. "My returning to SEES has nothing to do with what Strega asked from me. I made a deal for... my stuff the day before I got arrested in Sumaru. They cashed in the favor I owed them for the Evoker, in exchange for information. They... wanted to know who my 'new friends' were. In SEES, outside SEES."
A shaky breath. The guilt is palpable. "I gave names. A little bit of capabilities I'd seen in action witnessing people fight, nothing they couldn't get themselves. Some of my thoughts on the group's cohesiveness, nothing specific."
He tilts his head, to make sure no one's coming. He doesn't want to be eavesdropped on right now.
"When I was arrested, Kirijo bailed me out on her own. We... had a talk. I didn't tell her about that, but I did tell her about what I was buying. I asked for a week to think when she asked me to rejoin SEES. Then, I decided it was best to face the music, and I came back."
<Pose Tracker> Suzume Fukura has posed.
Suzume clenches her fist again. This time she doesn't relax it.
But she doesn't swing it at Shinjiro either.
"So they wanted you to spy. And you just told them!" Suzume snaps. "Names - I mean, anyone can get those. But what we can do? How we worked together? Were you trying to get us killed? And then when you came back - "
"You didn't even tell Kirijo-san. I know she's your friend. I've seen her and you in the same room before. So you kept it entirely secret until now?" She makes a deliberate effort to lower her voice, to not start shouting so that someone just on the stairs could hear them. (At least, with the television broken and one of the couches damaged, nobody's sitting in the living room.)
A beat, then: "What 'stuff'," Suzume half-asks, half-states, suddenly. "It wasn't the Evoker. You only asked for that at the end. So it was something else. What were you getting off them?" Food? No, he could get that other places. A place to stay? ...maybe, but there was always the dorms if he was really desperate...
She's mad now, and she knows it. First she had to take in everything about Kirijo Group. What they told her, and what she talked about with Yukari afterwards, and others. Now, this. She knows she's reacting hard, but she can't stop herself.
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
Suzume clenches her fist, and Shinjiro's body is full of tension. But he has no hostility in his motions - just depressive guilt.
"...Fukura, I wasn't spying-" he starts, trying to make an excuse, but the words don't leave his throat. He told them what he knew, but it was never his intent to *steal* the information for them. He definitely doesn't like them that much.
There's a long period of silence. If she just hit him, he'd probably feel better. Eventually, in the stand-off, he just says it.
"I'm dying, Fukura."
He's never looked healthy. His skin is pallid compared to a normal person's, and his hands shake. He's gaunt comparatively to his size. But all of that could be chalked up to his previous living conditions, right?
"I was buying medicine off them, okay? Stuff that's killing me if I take it, and killing me if I don't. I've got a year to fucking live and I just. I don't know. I don't fucking know!"
<Pose Tracker> Suzume Fukura has posed.
"If you weren't SPYING why did you TELL THEM?"
Suzume *does* raise her voice at that, and regrets it, but by that point she's too far to stop: "What could they do with that other than what they did? Attack us? Fuck with us? She said it - they don't WANT us to stop the Dark Hour. They'll fight us for it!"
It doesn't help that one of the things she said was not to trust Kirijo Group. That echoes conversations she's had with SEES after all...
But Shinjiro continues after Suzume trails off into silence. It takes a moment, but he says it.
Suzume loses her flush - in fact, she goes pale. "Bullshit," she says, but her heart isn't in it. She can tell - Shinjiro isn't lying. And -
A moment of memory, as if she remembered something about it -
The feeling of cold to go with the deja vu. A chip of ice, in her chest -
Something is familiar. She can't hold onto the thought. But it feels *real* in a way that she can't deny.
Suzume practically deflates in place. Her challenging pose becomes a slump-shouldered slouch as she breaks her gaze with Shinjiro. "And you didn't say anything," she says, her voice having lost all its heat. (Would she have said something if it was her?) "...Just one year." That explains the promise. Why he had to MAKE a promise.
She can't look back up at him.
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
Shinjiro is quiet for a long period as Suzume deflates. The guilt just exacerabates, the feeling of talking about his impending death just...
He's hollow for a moment.
When he finally remembers to breath, he sighs. "What should have I said? Tell everyone my deepest regret? Tell them to stay away from me, because I just hurt everyone in the end?"
Another sigh, as he realizes *he's* getting agitated at her. "...yeah. I'm scared. I don't know how to ask for help, how to... fucking deal with this. If I had gone back to Kirijo earlier, told her what was going on, maybe this all could have been avoided, but..."
He looks to the floor, taking another deep breath.
"I made my bed, and now I have to lie in it. This is just a weight I have to carry until I'm gone."
<Pose Tracker> Suzume Fukura has posed.
Suzume isn't hollow. But she feels ... Not great. Pressing Shinjiro that way - she knew she was pushing at their bond. And now with this...
The worst part is, she still feels angry for what he's done, at the same time she's mad at herself for treating him the way she just did. She doesn't know WHAT to think.
She should apologize. But the words catch in her throat after everything else he's said. He made his bed, and he has to lie in it... until he's gone. It's hard to imagine Shinjiro being gone and she's only known him for a few months.
Suzume raises her fist -
And punches Shinjiro on the shoulder. Not hard. The way she's done it before; she tends to express herself with friendly physical contact, but she's a little rougher about it than a pat or a hug.
"You shouldn't have gotten buddy with Strega," she says, her voice catching once. "But - shit. I can't say I wouldn't have done something stupid too. I do stupid things all the time." And for less understandable reasons than Shinjiro. "Maybe it would have. But maybe it would have been worse."
What else can she say? There must be something. But she's having trouble putting the right words together. "..." A longer pause. "...sorry."
She understands not knowing how to ask for help. She understands that so well.
"But you're with SEES now. With us," she emphasizes.
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
The fist is raised. Shinjiro doesn't even close his eyes, breath slowed. He definitely doesn't move. But as she impacts with his shoulder, she makes contact, he listens to her words and finally releases *some* of that tension.
"...you're right. I'm sorry too. ...I'll tell Kirijo about what I've done when I have a chance. But.."
He glances away, for just a moment. "I can't tell the others about my condition. Not yet. I don't... I don't want to leave, but neither am I ready to share that with everyone. Okay?"
He trusted Suzume, because he cared about their bond more than the secret, in that moment.
"...thank you, by the way. I really do like it here."
<Pose Tracker> Suzume Fukura has posed.
Suzume scowls for a moment, a much more accustomed expression for her face.
"I won't," Suzume promises, "unless you pass out or something and someone needs to figure out what to do. But you'd better tell her, even if you don't tell anyone else." A beat. "Everything, I mean."
Strega. The sickness. Everything.
"And just remember. You've got people on your side."
Like her. If they're still friends after today... she's not sure what would make them not, short of Shinjiro defecting to Strega or something.