2026-02-16: Late-Night Processing
- Log: Late-Night Processing
- Cast: Tsubasa Seki, Ichika Kawase
- Where: Kasugayama Girls' Dormitory
- OOC Date: 2026-02-16
- IC Date: Wed, Sep 26 2012
- Summary: Tsubasa can't sleep, so they and Ichika talk more about what happened and their feelings about it, instead.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa came to Ichika's dorm, tonight, so she wouldn't start getting uncomfortable questions about where she is. (That Tsubasa would be staying with her or her with them... is a pretty easy guess, right now, with both of them on edge.) Ichika's been instrumental in helping them work out the tension in their muscles after days of immobilisation, since they'd never be comfortable seeing a massage therapist, particularly with how much massaging those locked-in muscles can hurt. ... they promised her it was okay.
They did want to go to bed early, though -- and perhaps understandably; their sleep yesterday was disturbed with the Dark Hour outing, after all. By tradition, Ichika's the one closest to the wall... but Tsubasa's clinging to her for safety as much as anything protective, right now. Even so, despite the work Ichika's done, it takes a long time for them to relax.
And long after they sink into her, their brain still won't shut up.
"... hey," they murmur, at length, into her collarbone. "You still awake...?"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika's dealt with those questions before, but they're always a hassle. She doesn't really want a hassle right now, especially not because she's kind of tired; massage is hard work! ...And she's still on edge.
Ichika's fine with going to bed early, and she's fine with being clung to; it helps remind her that Tsubasa's there... and needs her.
But her mind is active anyway; she finds herself staying awake for a while anyway, thinking--feeling. She's a little too conscious of her body at the moment, as well as the events of the day, and...
worrying.
"Mm?" Ichika wonders, and she doesn't sound terribly asleep. "I'm awake."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa's worrying, too.
"... I can't sleep," they admit, quietly.
It takes a while for them to work around to: "... it was scary, huh."
Not just for them, but for her...
"Nn... nah... I'm still spooked," they get around to, after another of those pauses.
"You too, right...?"
Their leg stretches out, under the covers, before hitching around her again, and they're probably going to kick the covers off tonight, too, huh. ... at least right now they're still awake enough to reach back with a hand and tug them back up.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika's bed in the dorm may be small, but it's enough if they stay close together. ...And if it's not enough, she can always bring out the futon that's more suited for two.
But little concerns like that are easier to focus on than...
"Yes," Ichika answers, dropping into more of her old register, less of the tough girl. "It was really scary," she agrees.
"...I am," she agrees after a moment. "Still tense... it's like, I can feel the air, right?"
She sighs, and Ichika holds onto Tsubasa. "Tsubasa..."
She hooks an ankle around theirs. "Sucks, huh?"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa, as it happens, is all about staying close right now. They were even latched onto her in a group setting, man.
They notice Ichika dropping her linguistic quirks, too.
"You been on ya feet a lot..." Tsubasa says, as they rub at her back. "... seems like you tryin' to be ready for shit to go down... or somethin'." They noticed, certainly.
They grasp onto her and scooch up, a little, so that they can press their forehead to hers. "I'm here. I'm here, babe."
And their breath brushes over her own lips, as they sigh. "... yeah. Real bad."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
That's true. In a group setting! ...But Ichika feels that way. She doesn't want to be apart from them even a little bit.
"Well..." Ready. "Mm. I am." They noticed. But when they scooch up, Ichika looks into Tsubasa's eyes. "I'm scared," she admits. "Or... I was, and I just haven't... stopped."
"I feel like..."
"I had to put everything aside, right? Just... act. That's how you get it done."
"But now it's sort of coming back, and..."
"I don't know what to do with this feeling."
"But it has to be worse for you, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"You were workin' hard," Tsubasa notes, quietly. "Prolly... wasn't safe to feel that shit before. Yeah? Jus'... now I'm here, it ain't like... like, I'm here."
(And not dead, or worse.)
"... sometimes you jus' gotta feel shit," they say, their hand rubbing at her back again, "or it'll eat you up from th' inside."
Tsubasa takes a ragged breath, their own eyes closing. "But me, I -- I..." Their voice wavers, as they ask themself how they're feeling.
"I keep thinkin'... how he used that killin' art on you guys. An' -- like -- it'd be easy if I could give meself shit for chargin' in without thinkin', right? But -- but I was thinkin'. I was thinkin'... fucker was obsessed with me. That if it was me, he wouldn't kill me... but he'd prolly kill you guys. An' what do I do with that, man? I can't say I won't be that stupid again, 'cuz it weren't -- it weren't stupid -- protectin' you's not stupid. But it still feels like, like... like if I hadn't gone down, he wouldna been able to pull that shit, he wouldna..."
Bzzt! Zero marks, Tsubasa, for trying to inventory your feelings and coming up with a bunch of thoughts.
There are feelings dug in under those thoughts, anyway.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
"Mm," Ichika vocalizes back. "I guess that's it, about 'safe'. But now you're here..."
So she can worry about them.
Just feel it. "Yeah. That's true." Ichika knows that much, intellectually. Not that she'd use the word--she isn't used to the idea that she's smart about things. But that's why it doesn't take her much convincing to feel it. But...
"..."
Ichika's eyes go distant as she thinks it out. It wasn't stupid...
"You made a choice," Ichika says. "Right or wrong, you made it. That's not stupid, yeah. ...And I kind of think... It was the right one."
"You did the best you could. We just gotta make it so our 'best' is better, next time."
"That's what I think, anyway."
She squeezes Tsubasa. "You're good," she says. "...Thanks. For wanting to protect me. But I want to work harder so I can protect you, too."
"...how do you feel about that?"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Worry for everyone!!
Tsubasa lets out a breath they didn't realise they were holding, when Ichika works through their thought process and ends up agreeing. "Yeah."
And she will feel another of those deep breaths, filling and leaving their chest, as Ichika squeezes them; they hold on a little tighter, too.
"Part a me's worried," they admit, "like, Hyousuke-kun was gettin' down on himself not rescuing Jun-kun, real worried 'bout me... an' I don't... want no one blamin' themselves for what Ryouhara did, y'know? But... if I think 'bout you blamin' yourself for it... hits me harder. I don't wanna... be no source a pain like that..."
Tsubasa shakes their head, against the pillow. "... but... but it ain't jus' like that. I... I been real scared. I really needed..." They pause, lightly. "... no, man, I still need you. Lotta things, couldn't done them meself... like gettin' that locket... or even callin' folks up an' gettin' them over. Part a me's embarrassed... like, how I'm wrecked... but hearin' you say you'll protect me, too, I feel so much better, y'know? Like... it'll really be okay."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika feels the breath, yes; it's soothing to her, too, knowing Tsubasa is breathing with her.
"...Mmm," she vocalizes. "Hyousuke-kun..." She sighs, and leaves it at that. "...I get it," she says though. "About me. And yeah, part of me does blame myself; if I'd been stronger, if I'd been faster... but most of me knows--it isn't like that. It's stuff he chose to do. That's the problem. Making it about me instead... Just gives us both more to worry about."
She pauses. "You got me," she says. "I mean, you have me. When you need me, when you don't... I want you to have me."
"I want to help you. To be there for you. And, yeah, to protect you."
"So I'm glad," Ichika says. "...Because if you're here, then I think... it will be OK. For real."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Yeah," Tsubasa affirms, when Ichika outlines the problem; they're breathing with her, but they've got a similar read on the situation, too.
Even if Tsubasa's more frustrated because it's hard to blame themself.
"Cool," Tsubasa says, squeezing Ichika a little tighter. "... good. That's real good." Because, of course, they don't actually need to front about how cool and disaffected they are around Ichika; it's just a kneejerk habit. "I wanna be like that for you, too, y'know? But we always... been lookin' out for each other."
They notice the way Ichika's adopted Ryuji's turn of phrase, too... well, they don't figure he'd disagree with her.
"I'm right here, babe," Tsubasa affirms, again, pressing their forehead to hers. "Might... be this clingy a bit... guess you know how that goes, huh." There were -- are? -- nights Ichika didn't feel safe alone, either; Tsubasa was even standing watch before they got together.
"... scary how powerful that whole thing is... how them people get, fuckin'... interested in me." Tsubasa puffs out another sigh. "But this guy, he feels worse than th' rest... like a legit stalker, man. Freaks me th' fuck out."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika likes it when it's hard for Tsubasa to blame themself. That means they don't blame themself as much!
Ichika smiles faintly, briefly. "We have," Ichika agrees. "We're pretty good at it, too. Usually, anyway."
But Tsubasa's here... "I do," Ichika says about being clingy. "I don't mind. I kinda like it, remember?"
But scary...
"Yeah," Ichika agrees. "He's... something else." She sighs.
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa is really good at doing that... so does that mean it's progress that they're looking at what happened and realising that they weren't just being stupid?
Well, Tsubasa hopes so. They're trying very hard, you know.
They do think about 'usually', but... they try not to think too much of it. Ichika would tell them if they were screwing up, right...? It must just be a normal thing to say, like, accounting for probabilities. It's not a comment. It's --
Don't worry, Tsubasa gets in their own head about plenty of casual asides. There's nothing particularly noteworthy about this one, except, as usual, they feel like they noticed something noteworthy. But there's no pattern, they're not really fucking it all up, and -- and it's hard, when everything feels so significant and they're so heightened to every little cue, but they bring their attention back to Ichika instead.
"You like it," they confirm, deliberately. "Yeah."
They spend a moment rubbing her back, getting their breathing in line with hers, again.
"He took me by th' throat," they recall, their eyes closing again. "... but he was... gentle. Didn't choke me out or nothin'... I could just feel my heart poundin'." That's what happens on palpation of the carotid artery. "Like he was... remindin' me, or somethin'... orderin' me to breathe. Wanted to know if me ribs were broken, so I told him 'bout me binder... that's when he started talkin' shit 'bout how we had different shit in our hearts than what we wore or whatever. Talkin' Plato's cave shit -- uh -- fuckin' -- how everyone was interactin' with us, not realisin' they were talkin' to shadows on th' wall we were castin' instead a who we really were. Sayin' it had to be that way, since there were a lot a expectations, how they was heavy... an' how it was lonely how people couldn't see you how you really were. Sayin'... that's what bein' a shinobi meant... an' I couldn't read him at all, man. Like... he was cold as ice, but he was warm, too...? I dunno..."
They take another breath. "... that's when he cut me binder off. Was real careful 'bout that, too. Jus' glad I got more by now... good thing Kujaku-hakase gave me those measurements."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika can't assuage worries that she can't predict. ...She can tell they get in their head a lot, but...
Well.
"Yeah," Ichika answers, and smiles. She closes her eyes as Tsubasa rubs her back, sighing lightly.
But then...
"...Sounds more 'deliberate' than anything," she reflects. "But I..."
She doesn't get it. She doesn't know Plato at all. But--"Expectations are heavy, huh...?"
Ichika reflects, "Maybe he'd be less lonely if he were less of an asshole," she points out.
"...I guess even the worst people have their own shit to deal with," Ichika admits. "I'm glad you have more, yeah. ...Guess it would've been bad, if you'd been in it the entire time."
"But, like..."
"I don't know. Maybe trying to make sense of him is pointless, maybe not. ...Maybe it'll help us figure out what to do."
"But like..." She says it again, "I mean, of course you couldn't read him. You were exhausted and in pain. That's probably why he talked to you then."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Unknown factors are terribly unfair! ... but Tsubasa at least still has enough of a grip on reality to realise they're getting tangled in the world's most normal net, and they're trying not to be weird about it.
... like, they do know they can get pretty... weird.
(Culturally speaking, that's bad, and there's reasons to keep it under wraps even if they weren't being watched by the government. Ren wasn't wrong, when they likened Tsubasa's admission about the extent of their worries to coming out.)
"Yeah... everythin' he did was real deliberate." They frown, though it's hard to see their expression darkening when it's already dark.
But she draws a point from A to B, and when she points out he's an asshole, Tsubasa -- actually laughs! Well, "heh!", they bark out a chuckle, but they weren't expecting to at all. "Too right."
They shift the movement of their arm to their fingertips, stroking at Ichika's shoulderblade. "... yeah. Woulda... got worse than bruised, prolly. It's... weird, like? He was worried 'bout me... gave me a chance to back outta sayin' I was gon' do better by you than me father did mom. Dunno if he wouldn't've gave me the fuckin' locket if I had... but it weren't jus' him, was that fuckin' Kurou, too. That guy even told me how not eatin' outta pride would jus' make you worry more when you got there... bandaged me up, too."
With paw print bandages. Sadly, they've since been replaced with boring, opaque clinic dressings.
Tsubasa sighs, again. "... but you're right, y'know? I was... exhausted. Sat up all th' time, couldn't move... couldn't sleep, not really. An' it hurt, strapped in like that... me cuts, too. They drugged me, gettin' me back... my head was so fucked... by th' time it wore off, I was fucked for all those other reasons. Like I was goin' crazy... still feel like that," they'll admit it sidelong, anyway. "An' they'd talk so confusin', like... like it took so much to even figure it out..."
It's still playing in their head, evidently, all shattered to bits and pieces.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika loves Tsubasa... and that means trying to understand sometimes. But right now, of course, Ichika draws a point, and--
Tsubasa laughs. Ichika smiles. "Yeah," she says, and then closes her eyes a moment as fingertips trace along her skin. "...Mm." She thinks she has ideas about why he 'worried'--but she doesn't feel comfortable giving them voice. Instead...
"Yeah, well, I'd have had to worry less if he hadn't fought us," she points out.
"...Right," Ichika says. She squeezes Tsubasa's waist. "...Well, that's OK," Ichika says. "You can like... process, or whatever now. That's what people do, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
Tsubasa squeezes Ichika, in turn; and then shifts that arm caught between them, with a wordless but vaguely distressed sound, realising that it's fallen asleep. "Sec --"
(That's, like, way more of an existential threat right now, so hopefully Ichika understands them squirming around a bit.)
"... mm, I know," Tsubasa says, once they're finally rearranged again. (Again! They've been like this a lot.) "I know, like... they ain't my friends. Fuckin' kidnapped me, man. I'm mad 'bout it. Jus'... some of that shit... I dunno. Hard to argue some've it... 'course I wanna protect you."
They take another breath. "... processin'... guess that's it. I think some a them musta been long conversations, but it's all... mixed up in me head, y'know? Like... like, I remember beggin' that Kurou to just tell me what they wanted from me... but I know I had some pride before. ... really drivin' me crazy, man,"
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika will wait. She gets it. Or at least, she understands it. But--
"Yeah. It's OK if some of the stuff they said made sense. That's fine."
But... processing...
"I had pride, too," Ichika says. "Before Eiji kept hitting me that night. ...Pride doesn't do you a lot of good, when people are doing shit like that to you. You just... try to survive."
She shakes her head. "Not trying to make it about me--just saying..."
"It's OK, that it's mixed up. That it messes with you. That it's not clear."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Mm..." Tsubasa hums, frowning, when Ichika brings Eiji up. Going there, it's...
"... I remember... when he grabbed me throat. That's when I realised he could kill me any time he wanted, an' I couldn't fight back or nothin'... how easy it'd be. That's when I focused up... really started dwellin' on him. Like... like... like, I know how me father's feeling, always did? I gotta, man. So -- that fuckin' Ryouhara, too. I had to figure him out, or I was fuckin' dead..."
Their voice is small, as they ask: "Fucked up it's the same skillset, huh? Jus'... I ain't never... been able to shelf the pride so easy. Gets me in so much shit... all th' time..."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
It's something Ichika doesn't do lightly. ...But it's a way to connect, as surely as many of the other things she does to connect. It's a way to understand their feelings more deeply--theirs, and hers and theirs both.
"...That makes sense," Ichika says.
"It's really fucked up," she agrees. "...Guess that Ryouhara's good at it. But I think it's good, that you keep your pride so much, even when it gets you into trouble."
"...Even in dark situations, you don't just give up. I admire that."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
And it's telling that Tsubasa remembers being reminded of their father, when Eiji's horrors come up, even if they go back and forth on acknowledging the extent of Hanzou's crimes.
"... you reckon?" They ask, and they are -- of all things -- a touch shy about it. "Ain't thought it like that a lot... always gets told as my fault." Well, there are plenty of reasons why people who want to hurt them would characterise it as a bad thing. Still, framing them together, Tsubasa admits: "... rather grab your take on it."
They take another breath, their hand shifting up to curl their fingers in her now-shorter hair. (They don't have any, right now. They have to take that shit off to sleep, or it just gets lost down the side of the bed.)
"But... hey... I been yappin' all this time. Wanna ask ya... how ya doin'," they advance, with concern. "Hearin' some mad shit..."
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
It's very telling. Ichika doesn't draw attention to it at the moment.
She smiles, at that shyness. "I do." Reckon. "You're welcome to it."
But Ichika leans into Tsubasa's hand, sighing again. "...I don't mind," she says. "I like hearing you talk. I like it when you tell me things. ...You're always so patient about words, too."
A pause. "But I'm..."
"I feel better," she says, "Getting to talk to you like this. It's helped."
"I just...have so much on my mind, that it's hard to put it all back down."
"Like..."
"Mom, and her baby. You being taken away. ...Hyousuke-kun and his... like, it's like he's using himself up, you know? I don't like it."
"But I feel better right now. With you touching me, even a little. Being close to you."
"...It quiets things down for me. Makes it so I can look at it all without..."
"I don't know. It helps. So hearing you talk's been nice, too."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Thanks," Tsubasa breathes.
But not just for the take, really.
And hearing how much she likes the yapping... Tsubasa smiles, too.
"Mm?" They hum, in prompting, when she mentions all the things on her mind. "Mm," again, when she asks if they know about Hyousuke. They think of Ichika's father, too; and of their underlined suspicions.
Ichika's dealing with a lot...
Their fingers spread, across the back of Ichika's head, to knead at it gently when she mentions the touch helping too.
(Little a massage for Ichika...)
"No... I think I get it," they sum up, finally. "Like... you're relaxin', so... I can breathe easier, too. Shit feels better when I'm close to you. Y'know, like, it's cool, but like, really cool, not jus' manifestin' that shit." You know. Lying! "Feels... like... easier to figure out when I'm jus' obsessin' over random shit, not... gettin' all up in what it really means. Like... if somethin' was wrong, you'd tell me, y'know?"
They press their forehead against hers, again. "I get what ya sayin' 'bout Hyousuke-kun... freaks me out, sometimes. An' ya mom was huge in ya head even before I got tied up... prolly felt bad how you couldn't ask ya folks for help 'gainst magical fuckin' ninja, too, right?" One presumes that in most scenarios, Ichika would get their help when her partner were kidnapped, if only to have responsible adult advocates when trying to deal with the police.
But that just wasn't a factor in this scenario. You know. What with the magical fucking ninjas.
"But, hey... you gotta put it down a couple hours," they encourage her, gently. "'Least so ya can sleep... it's cool, you can put it on hold. I got ya."
They run their hand through her hair, again, demonstratively.
<Pose Tracker> Ichika Kawase has posed.
Ichika's happy to see Tsubasa smile. ...Even if she is, yes, dealing with a lot.
"Mn," Ichika answers, "That's nice..."
But they get it. "Right," she says. "It really does help."
And a smile. "Yeah, I would. I'd tell you."
They get a lot of what she's worried about. And some of what she hadn't thought about, but recognizes after the fact. "Yeah..."
Magical ninjas.
"I guess that's true," Ichika says. That she has to. "...And I know that's true." That they've got her.
"...Mn...."
"Maybe I will try and sleep, if that's OK. ...You should, too."
<Pose Tracker> Tsubasa Seki has posed.
"Great," Tsubasa's smile warms, in the dark, when Ichika affirms how nice it is. That's why they keep it up! Just because they're not up for fooling around doesn't mean they can't still express some physical affection, especially when they know how important it is to her.
(Well, if they're not frontin' about it, it's important to Tsubasa too.)
"I believe ya," they affirm, when she says she'd just tell them if something was wrong, and it's the strongest way they can think to affirm it. It's hard for them to believe people, sometimes... but they can trust Ichika.
"Mm," they hum, affirmatively, in turn. But Ichika considers, and...
"Yeah," Tsubasa breathes, pulling themself in against her. "Feels like... maybe I can now... thanks." See, brain, you don't have to work overtime, she's right there!!
They're a little more mumbly as they get to, "... love you..."
... and getting an actual full night of sleep will do them a world of good, really.