2026-04-27: Rage and Helplessness
- Log: Rage and Helplessness
- Cast: Yua Ijuuin, Miho Ijuuin, Tyrrha, Eiko Ikeda
- Where: Penthouse - Aoba
- OOC Date: 2026-04-27
- IC Date: Wed, Oct 31 2012 / Thu, Nov 01 2012
- Summary: Yua tries to get clean after her assault, but even with Miho's help, she feels Bad. Miho has to exercise all her patience to learn just why she's feeling bad, though, because it's not until breakfast the next day that Yua's able to muster her courage enough to even approach the topic sideways. Yua's helplessness hamstrings Miho's rage, unable to simply murder Natari and put an end to it... but she is at least able to give Yua the motivation to address her immediate need to see a doctor.
- Content warning: Discussion/ramifications of sexual assault, non-sexual bathing, vomit, medical abuse.
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
OST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBNZOywyD8s Florence + The Machine - Girl with One Eye
Once Tyrrha was safely put away, Yua didn't want dinner, though she at least consented to drink one of her milkshakes -- which is to say, the nutrient shakes her dietitian's ordered for her. Instead, she wanted a bath...
... and when she undresses, the pattern of her injuries becomes clearer, more plain without her festive Halloween dress obscuring them.
Yua insists on Miho scrubbing her down, when they're situated in their spacious luxury bath. And there are times in which Yua's mastery of the home translates to a sensual air in the bath, inviting intimacy in this space without barriers. It could be no further from this truth: the trust Yua places in her partner is gossamer in its delicacy, easily shattered, yet somehow desperate in its insistence. It has to be her, but this time, it's not that kind of invitation.
It's... more complicated.
It has everything to do with the fact that Yua insists she's still dirty, once Miho's done. Another thorough scrubbing, though, does little to assuage her stubbornness: she insists she's still not clean. Luckily, Miho has the insight to put a stop to the pattern before she ends up rubbing Yua's skin raw, and Yua's still willing to heed Miho's wisdom, even though she's clearly worried. Blow-drying her hair is a process at the best of times; she sits on a bathroom stool in front of the basin, as Miho works at it, scrubbing at her mouth with her toothbrush. Surely Miho could predict how that would end, a halting sound like 'hurk' and the hitch of her shoulders as she tries to clean off her tongue; at least vomit isn't so hard to clean from inside a bathroom sink, when she hasn't eaten anything solid all night. That's a discomfort she's positioned to fix here, too -- more toothpaste, more mouthwash, more water.
She slips into a billowing nightgown, and she slips into bed, and at no point in the process is she terribly verbal, though she manages short requests. She clings to Miho, curling around her, and insists she's tired.
It's a conversation held in indications and preoccupations...
... and in the way Yua's the one torn to waking, in the middle of the night, crying out and jerking back before she realises it's Miho in bed beside her. She shakes her head, and can't quite speak on it, and tries to sleep. And then it repeats, again -- again.
At five in the morning, their alarm chimes; at five in the morning, Yua stirs from her nightmares, and clings to Miho with half-light ferocity. "Uh-uh," she shakes her head, into Miho's collarbone. "Nuh-huh." Again, the alarm chirps, and this time she claws a coherent word from the morass: "Stay."
It is less a demand and more a plea. Ships could wreck on the jagged edges of it, blind in the night.
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
Miho had something small. It was sufficient for the time.
Miho frowns at the extent of those injuries, unable to help such an obvious reaction in this case. The habit of making expressions is a difficult one to break most times. But indeed... it's complicated.
Miho indeed has insight in this; what she doesn't do yet is press the question of why Yua is so injured. She has asked 'What's happened?' but when she got no complete answer...
Well. She will deal with it as it comes.
Miho at least is able to take her own medications; there's that. And again, it all repeats, until--
"...Very well," Miho says. "One moment."
She picks up her phone, and makes a call.
"I will not be making it in today."
"Yes. I apologize for the difficulty, but it cannot be helped." There is a firm man's voice on the other end.
"Yes, indeed. Goodbye."
She turns back to Yua. "I will stay."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
Expressions are difficult to hide, and Yua's, by and large, are ashamed. "Bad," was her answer to what happened, with the limited verbosity of a woman at the end of her rope.
Yua does not quite stop clinging to Miho, as she shifts to pick up her phone; she stays there, as she speaks to her superior, close enough to hear the iron in his voice even if she can't quite make out the words.
"'m sorry," she mumbles, into her, when the phone line closes.
And there she lays, for hours more, fitful in her attempts to rest.
When Eiko Ikeda reports for duty at eight in the morning, she's at least been warned about enough to know to go to their bedroom to find them. Her own expression is troubled, seeing Yua hiding beneath the blankets and against Miho, her brow drawn in concern she's too professional to air so plainly. "Excuse me," she says, instead, after knocking. "Will you be taking breakfast in bed this morning, mistress?"
"Mm... not hungry..." Yua mumbles, only for another voice to pipe up, from behind Eiko, whose first mistake was opening the door.
"Yo, Yumama! Are you okay!?" Tyrrha asks, and her concern is unvarnished. "Weren't you chargin'? You're all outta power!"
"Oh," Yua sighs, her hands flexing to grasp against Miho, as she puts on her face, as she forces herself to sit up in their luxurious bed. "Tykko... I'm okay..." Yua smiles, to her, and the adults can at least tell it's fixed to her face.
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
Ashamed. That's not a good sign.
"It is fine," Miho says, and does not burden Yua with the fact that increasingly, she considers abandoning the effort to look 'normal' in that job--that it is more trouble than it is worth, as compared to being an assassin with more free time. ...But that would mean accepting that position, too.
No, better not to discuss that right now.
For hours more, Miho broods as she cares for Yua, holding onto her and not trying to sleep again herself.
She does, however, text Eiko.
"We will," Miho says to Eiko, "Thank you. Please give us a few minutes before you begin to prepare it."
A pause, as Tyrrha chimes in...
"Tyrrha," Miho says, "Why don't you assist Ikeda-san? You could learn some interesting things under her instruction."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"Of course," Eiko nods, to Miho. She looks to Tyrrha, too; luckily, the addition of a young lady was one of the things Miho warned her about, so she's not too taken aback. "Please follow me, young mistress. I'll get you acquainted with where everything is, and you can help me make breakfast, all right? There are more things I can show you, too..."
"Okey-dokey!" Tyrrha salutes, as she turns and follows Eiko out, leaving Yua, at least, sitting up in bed.
"Mm," she hums, an arm slinging around Miho's midsection anew. "It's... weird, isn't it? Calling myself her mother... just because... it was assigned to me. But... she must have done something to her. If we don't play along... well, if we do, maybe we can figure something out, right...? We have to help her..."
'She,' Yua says, not 'they.'
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
Miho had to warn Eiko about that--and to be liberal in saying 'don't do that' if she does something that hurts. She in turn was also very clear that Eiko was to be treated with respect and care.
...But right now, Eiko does exactly what Miho was hoping, and that leaves her some space with Yua.
But Yua wraps her arm around Miho again, and Miho shakes her head gently. "It is unusual," Miho agrees. "But someone has to be. Why not us?"
"...I agree, though. It is better not to leave her in their hands."
Pause. "Who is 'she'?"
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"I want to help her," Yua insists, of Tyrrha. "I don't know what to think about robots... but she's still just a girl." That she was surely crafted as a girl is, perhaps, a detail that escapes Yua; that she was made to be so sympathetic.
Made that way, by...
"..." Yua opens her mouth, but no sound comes out, when Miho asks. She looks down; she hugs herself to Miho, a little more tightly, and shakes her head, her complexion ashen and her expression taut.
She remains quiet until Eiko brings in breakfast on a tray, a short while later. It's quite simple -- sandwiches, cut to quarters, with fried egg and thinly-sliced Sham, those preserved cans of ham so popular on Okinawa. There's orange juice and inoffensive biscuits laid out, too. "The young mistress is assisting me with Tiger's feeding," she informs them, which explains why she hasn't barged in again, too. Eiko soon departs to keep an eye on her, for obvious reasons, leaving Miho and Yua with breakfast.
Perhaps Yua needs to eat something first... but she's slow to look to the tray.
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
"She's dangerous," Miho cautions. "...Too dangerous, for people who aren't like us. But I agree. She is a girl, and I wish to aid her." Though Miho is more conscious of the fact that she was made to be sympathetic; would she want Miho's 'help', in the end? Or is that a trick? It's hard to say.
Still...
Breakfast comes. "Thank you, Ikeda-san." She nods to her, and for obvious reasons, Eiko goes.
But Yua...
"Look," Miho says gently. "It's a favorite of yours. Let's eat, yes?"
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"It's not her fault," Yua insists, when Miho cautions her on Tyrrha's danger. "She said it wasn't like that, but even if it's just what they always do..."
'She', again, with a different address than the third-person she uses for Tyrrha. It's the space between 'ano hou' and 'kodomo', a kind of formality which indicates a distant presence without even referring to the person standing there.
"Mm..." Yua lifts her head, to look to the tray. She looks to Miho, and after a moment's pause, she'll take a sandwich triangle from her; she nibbles, at it, and her expression does soften as she eats.
"It's tasty," she says, softly, though she still looks close to tears.
Nibble, nibble...
It's a slow process, made slower by Yua remembering the woman beside her and pressing triangles into Miho's hands, too, as she insists, "Mimi breakfast," as if that explains everything. (More or less. Miho has to eat, too!) But eventually, the tray is cleared off, and Miho's able to move it back to the bedside table so it won't get in their way.
Yua's still holding her glass of orange juice, cold in her hands.
"I," she starts, and stops.
"I," she tries, again, a moment later.
She takes another sip.
"I need to get tested, when we go to the doctor," because of course whether they'll go is a foregone question. "For... for STIs. I don't want to get you dirty... and Hiroki..." Here her words fail her; she falls quiet, again.
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
"It's not," Miho agrees. "And we can teach her. But she will need to be taught."
Her... She.
Miho listens, and waits. She eats some herself, not just because Yua insists, but to show Yua that it's fine to do. She knows the same tricks Yua has used on her on her worse days, and when the tray eventually clears...
Miho sets it aside.
"..."
"We can do that," Miho says gently. "I'll make sure they do."
A pause. "Yua," she says softly. "What happened? Who is 'she'?"
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
Yua nods, when Miho says Tyrrha will need to be taught.
But there's another woman, in the bylines.
It's fine to eat; the food is good. The orange juice is fresh, too. All the pulp has been screened out, because Yua hates pulp in her juice. Yua is aware that it tastes good; she recognises she's holding the glass.
Still, her half-gaze is growing more distant, as she turns her head towards last night.
"... do you remember... why I didn't want to tell people about us?" She answers her question with a question, instead.
Of course, she'd told Miho about just why she didn't want people to pry into her relationship, why that scrutiny made her uncomfortable, why it felt unsafe to be herself, why she thought it would fix things if they were married and it was proper.
That woman...
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
Another woman. There. Miho drinks the orange juice, too; she is aware of its taste as well, but its taste comes second to the fact that it will energize her mind, give her the fuel she needs to deal with the present matter. ...And she must deal with the present matter.
"I remember," Miho says. Her voice is firm, but quiet.
"...That woman."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
And there, another lacuna. Another silence, "...", as Yua's lips part and forget how to speak.
"... she was... working on... Project Hemitheoi," she says, slowly. "On Tykko... on... making sure she," Tyrrha, "needed me. Getting me back there."
Her voice grows smaller, more distant, as her grip tightens on the glass and she stares down into it. "The Institute was pressuring Kimi-san," she relates, as if telling a story, and in a way, the fact that it is a story makes it easier. "Telling him to send me back. He took a call when I was putting my things away before the party... I guess he thought he could hang up before I got back, but when I heard what he was saying, I snuck up... kind of like, like there was no need for me to report back, that kind of thing. And... and he said something like... like asking if they were implying he'd suffice, and... and he hung up, but I confronted him, I asked who he was talking to."
Yua feels a stab of guilt, around her throat, as she lies to her wife; guilt is no stranger to her expression, right now, anyway.
"Well, he tried to tell me it was his business, but I was stubborn... so eventually he told me they'd been leaning over him to send me to them. Since they'd prepared something for me. But they don't send me back to get that stuff, Para-Mind delivers it to us... I guess Kimi-san tried to insist on that, but they weren't having it. And... and they'd started saying that if he wouldn't send me over, he'd have to come visit, and..."
Yua swallows, to get a little more clearance, in her tight words. "Mimi... the process that me and Recchi went through... it's not easy. People... die, sometimes. Even if they get through, they... we're broken, Mimi," she says, quietly, emotion creeping into her voice for a moment. "We can't be fixed."
She takes another breath.
"... I know I don't get things sometimes... but I know what they were threatening to do to him. I couldn't... let that happen, Mimi. He was very upset when I said I'd go, he said I couldn't, but... but I told him why I was worried, and... well, I wouldn't just listen, so eventually he went along with it. So... so I went... there. To Narumi Ward, to... well, it was after business hours, so a lot of people had gone home, you know...? I guess even bad people need to go home and have dinner sometimes... except..."
Except, she falls silent, for a longer moment, as she tries to address the truth.
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
That woman... was working on this project. Miho's eyes widen for a moment; her nostrils flare. She was working on Tyrrha. ...It's not Tyrrha's fault, Miho is quick to remind herself. And because she trusts Yua, it does not occur to her for all her paranoia in the moment that Yua is lying to her about this one.
"...I see." To send her. Or else...
'They can't be fixed'. "I know people die," she says, which is not the same as acknowledging that they can't be fixed.
"...Fine," she says. "It's fine, that you didn't want that to happen to him. That's noble. It's kind." But those things aren't necessarily good.
"..."
"Except?" Miho says, and reaches out to Yua's hand.
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
Yua hands over her glass of juice, first, when Miho reaches to her; it's Miho's job, then, to safely escort it to the bedside table, so that Yua can grasp her hand.
Is it bad that she's holding on this tightly, when she just chastised Tyrrha for that last night...? Well, Yua doesn't have nearly as much grip strength, anyway.
"... she was there," Yua says, finally. "I... I wanted to run away, but... but if I did something like that... what if the Man in the Black Mask would come and punish us again?" She asks, looking to their hands. "S-so I followed her in... she put my hand into a thing in Tykko's forehead, and it stabbed my finger to get some blood... it said, um... it was a three-quarters match, but that was good enough? I didn't really get it... but she had to configure, and it would take a while, and..."
Her voice drops, like a stone, like her stomach, like the bottom of the world falling out and away.
"... that woman took me back to her office... and... she figured out how to loop the cameras... so it wouldn't look like anyone was there."
It was the camera footage which had Natari reassigned from Yua's project in the first place, after all.
"... she... didn't hurt me if I did as she said," Yua relates, and hates the lies in her implications, but assures herself that it's still technically true. "So, I... did. She's... obsessed with me, Mimi. With our... perversion. U-um..." Tears gather in her eye, and she takes another shuddering breath. "She let me go when I threw up," she skips to the end, her voice small and thin, and surely she has reached the limits of what she can illustrate. "But she took... she took my ears... to remember." The cat ears she was wearing to the Halloween party; she must have forgotten she was wearing them, when she walked in.
"She said she wasn't doing that to Tykko," she finds the strength to add, though she hasn't yet looked at Miho. "She said... 'this assignment is terrible for that sort of thing'... or something like that."
But she did it to her.
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
Miho does that much in silence; it's easy to do. She can tell something is wrong, after all.
Very wrong.
But Yua explains. That woman was there... and Yua was afraid because of the Man in the Black Mask.
So Miho listens, and she is both here with Yua and somewhere very distant as she does. The first part is easy, of course; a bit of blood is unpleasant, but not a problem. To 'configure'...
There is something in the way of a blood match.
"..." Loop the cameras.
"But she did hurt you," Miho confirms quietly. "...She is obsessed, then."
Miho understands. Her expression is cold, fixed in the distance, as she hears of those cute ears being taken. Such a small thing, and yet...
Miho gently, carefully, squeezes Yua's hand. "I'm sorry," she says. "That that happened to you."
"...That she did those things to you. That she was allowed near you again."
"..."
"So obviously, then, you do not think that I should kill her," Miho says plainly. "Because you were afraid that it would have that man sent to us again."
"And for the sake of that--for Hiroki--I will forebear, for now."
"...Am I wrong?" Miho asks. "Tell me, if I am. Tell me that I can sweep down there and eliminate her and her research, without harming the charge we've accepted, without harming you."
"...Because if you cannot..."
"Then I do not know yet what I will do."
"But rage alone, it seems will not protect you."
"...It is what I have now, though. It fills me." Her voice is completely calm. "It feels as if it will boil over, as lava."
"...But that will not help, either."
"..."
"If you are still willing, stay with me, Yua."
"...I can at least offer you that much."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
Yua nods, mutely, when Miho says she hurt her.
It's not a lie, she tells herself, as she remembers his fingers around her neck.
It's not a lie, because Natari hurts her, too.
And she nods, again, with another hitched breath, as Miho asks whether she shouldn't kill her. Even as she all but pleads with her for a reason why she can...
"I'm sorry," Yua says, quietly. "That woman said... she said Tykko might need... upgrades. A-and... and I... I had to bring her back for them... alone. I guess Para-Mind can come over and repair her if she gets hurt, but... but if she has to go back there... maybe it would hurt her if she didn't get those things, I don't know. And... and even if Tykko would be okay... we'd definitely be punished, right? We'd be punished again..."
Her hand slips out of Miho's, but it's just in service of wrapping her arm around her entirely, clutching herself to her again. "I feel... disgusting," she says, though it's a word muffled, against Miho's side. "Despoiled... she said I was being unfaithful," and it isn't even the first time Yua's abuse has been reframed that way, though Miho surely remembers that it was Doctor Tani who said that to her, after Natari was moved to another department. Does that mean... Natari heard about how things were handled, with Yua...?
"I want to be with you," Yua insists, her tone fragile, pressing her face in agaist Miho's collar. "I only ever wanted to be with you."
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
Miho does not question the account.
Yua apologizes. "I see," she says. "...So not only do we have to let her persist, but this will happen again," she underlines it. "...It's possible," she says of punishment.
Miho will have to ask herself just how far she is willing to go, then. She will have to learn of this woman--learn much more. And then...
"She's wrong," Miho says. "You did nothing wrong. ...And I do not find you disgusting. ...Even if you find it so yourself."
But what they've said of ritual purity, well...
"We will address that feeling," she says, rather than dismissing it completely.
"I know. I know, Yua. And I love you."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"Um," Yua's voice hitches, again, when Miho underlines the implicit conclusion, clinging harder to Miho.
That boiling pit of rage inside her is matched only by the sinking grave of Yua's helplessness; the feeling that there is nothing to be done.
She can't fight them.
"Really?" Yua asks, when Miho says she isn't disgusting, to her eyes. "I -- I'm -- another woman touched me... I'm really still okay with you...?" (An important distinction from whether it is okay, or, indeed, whether Yua is okay; it clearly isn't, and neither is she.) "Even though I didn't fight harder...? I--I gave up, Mimi..." And there is so much self-loathing in the questions; Yua, at least, hears the lies she's supporting with her feelings, even if she's not lying about how awfully she feels.
It's just that the truth is even worse, in her eye.
The lie implies she tried to fight.
"I love you," Yua sniffs, coiling tighter around Miho. "I'm sorry, Mimi... I can't do anything..."
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
"Really," Miho says then. "I am bothered because it caused you pain--because it was done when you did not want it. If you had wanted such things... that would be a different conversation. But not this. Not... her."
"You fought as hard as you were able at the time," she says. "...That you couldn't win does not mean that you wanted this."
"I love you," she repeats. "It's..."
It's not fine.
"We will see the doctor," she says instead. "And take care of you... and of Tyrrha."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"I didn't want it," Yua affirms, and Miho can surely feel her relaxing, into her, as she releases that tension her fear had given her. Even if she feels guilty, too... Miho isn't rejecting her one little bit.
Even if Yua feels she ought to reject herself.
She hesitates, for a moment, before she looks up to Miho. "Going out feels hard... but... it's important, right? Mm... you'll stay with me? And... can we come back after? I'm still tired... I don't think I slept too good."
Yua bites her lip, as she wonders: "Will Tykko be okay with Eiko-san today? I... that woman, she said it was... convenient I was so upset, because it meant Tykko could find me..." Which raises the terrible spectre that Yua's assault might not only have been a product of Natari's sick desires -- but one designed to contribute to her work. The Institute's complaint, back then, had far less to do with Natari being inappropriate, and far more to do with that inappropriateness interfering with the experiments...
"... it seems like she gets really worried when I'm upset," Yua says, glancing down, again. "I don't know if it's another situation like Recchi, or something else... but..." But what if her grief hurts someone else? That's the question she can't quite ask.
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
No, Miho is not rejecting her. She won't.
"It's important," Miho agrees. "I will stay with you, and we can return after."
Tyrrha and Eiko... "Yes," Miho says. "We can think on what she meant by that, too. But it will be fine for today; we need to focus on your health."
Miho remembers reading...
"We'll see," Miho says. "But for today, we won't test it. For today, get ready, and we'll go to the doctor. I'll arrange things."
"Don't worry about that."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
Yua takes a long breath, sighing into Miho's pyjamas. "... okay," she says, looking up to her again. "Mimi will take care of me... I'll be okay..."
It's a little aspirational, but... even if all Miho has is her impotent rage, Yua still feels safer, beside her.
And so she shifts, beside her; tries to wake her body up, and move, though surely she will need to take Miho's hand to stand up from the bed. When she comes to the closet, she hesitates, reaching for her leotard; she ends up in a skirt down to her ankles and a long-sleeved blouse, instead.
When she sits by her dresser to put her face on, her fingers linger, for a moment, at her neck; at the ugly bruises, there.
"... what will we tell the doctor?" She asks, quietly, as she takes a scarf from her dresser and ties it about her neck, to hide the marks. "Mmn... do we just say it was that crazy fan again...?"
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
"Yes," Miho says. "I will."
She will do what she can, anyway, which turns out to be little in this case but to patch her back up to send her out into it again later.
Miho will help with that hand; she notices the way that Yua chooses different clothes than is her usual preference... but sees little good in pointing it out. Instead...
"Mm," Miho says. "...It seems like we may be stretching it, relying on the same crazy fan..."
"But I suppose I don't have anything better, either. It just needs to be good enough that she doesn't keep asking questions."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"Mm... Kimi-san suggested it, last night," Yua admits, as she fixes up her makeup. "Since I didn't know what to say... but he'd been drinking, since he had a lot of bad feelings about it, so maybe he wasn't thinking as clearly as he should have been..." She tries doing her lipstick, and has to stop, to sigh. "... he said that if that guy found me in bed with you when he broke in, it was pretty logical for him to hunt me down later and get back at me for being with you like that..."
Now, Yua manages to fix her lipstick up.
"... telling her the truth would put her in danger, Mimi," Yua settles on, after a moment. "So... we have to lie. Is it okay to lie if I have to...? Even if I really don't want to? You'll forgive me for that, right...?"
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
"I see," Miho says. "I suppose that's... logical," she agrees, though a part of her wonders why they should be considering the logic of that sort of person who assuredly exists as if it is indeed logical, rational.
Still...
"Yes," Miho agrees, "it would. It's fine."
"...I would forgive you of far more than lying, Yua."
"We will do as we must."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"Mm," Yua nods, a touch discordantly, as she looks into the mirror at the jewel staring back, whose imperfections only serve to underline her fragility.
Feeling ill, she looks away from that woman, back to Miho, and lets herself feel reassured instead. "Thank goodness," she smiles, though this, too, is fragile. "Sorry to ask such a weird question... I know we've been lying all this time. I just..." She takes a breath, where she feels herself desperate to speak the truth to her, to not lead the woman she loves astray.
"It felt hard for a minute," she settles on, instead, as she looks back to the woman in the mirror, "but knowing Mimi won't reject me... I'm really happy."
A dark part of her wonders whether Miho would feel the same if she knew she was the one being lied to, but Yua pushes it aside; Miho, she insists, to herself, is telling her she still wants her, and she'd say that even if she knew what Kimitake did.
Miho stained her hands with blood to find her...
Yua stains her eye with eyeshadow, to hide the puffy weariness.
"... it's hard to look in the mirror," she admits, when her makeup's done. "It doesn't feel like me... it looks like someone who got too much attention. Does that make sense...? It feels like it doesn't make any sense, of course it's me, it can't be anyone else..."
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
"It's fine," Miho says of weird questions. "...And I won't. No matter what. Remember that, all right?"
There's clearly something more going on here--but it could just be 'more' than Yua has been able to express. After all, something like this...
"It's hard," she agrees. "That's all right."
To look in the mirror, Yua must push. Miho considers it; and it makes sense to her immediately, much as she doesn't like it. "To stand out is to expect such things..."
"...That is an ugly thing," she says. "I understand it."
"But it would be better... if it weren't that way."
"...You are you, though. Not just 'someone'. Remember that."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"Okay," Yua smiles, to Miho, and the reassurance is a warmth in the cold grip of her heart. "It's me and you... you and me! Right?" And again, she switches to something like English for that statement, relies on the similiarities of 'yuu' and 'mii' to resonate with their own names.
(Miyu... Yumi...)
"It's okay for it to be hard," Yua echoes, hand clasping to her heart, to the locket hidden there. (Thank goodness, she didn't take that...) "It's okay."
But Miho understands how hard it is to scrutinise herself in the mirror, and Yua reaches out to her, from where she's seated. (The Black Mask stole her chair, but she didn't want to get rid of it; she likes her dresser chair. It's comfy.) "I'm me..." She affirms, though she looks up to Miho, first, before she looks in the mirror again. "I'm... the woman you love. I'm Hiroki's mama... and I guess now I'm Tykko's, too..."
Still, a few moments later, she looks away, back to Miho, looking near tears even with her makeup.
"And... you'll worry if I lie all bed all day and don't see the doctor, right? So... I'm ready, Mimi... we can go see her." Her smile wavers, a moment, as her hand grasps.
"Just... hold my hand, okay...?"
... luckily, their fertility clinic is sensitive enough to let Miho stay by Yua's side the whole time, if only out of recognition that it's the only thing keeping her there.