2026-06-18: Izolado
- Log: 2026-06-18 Izolado
- Cast: Ren Amamiya, Goro Akechi
- Where: Back Alleys - Leblanc Cafe
- OOC Date: June 18, 2026
- IC Date: Monday, November 26, 2012
- Summary: Akechi comes by Leblanc to confront Ren about how their last conversation went. It doesn't go as expected for either of them.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
The lights are still on in Leblanc late Monday evening, even though the only person there right now is Ren and the sign is flipped to CLOSED. It's been flipped that way all day, actually, even though several people came in earlier. That was by invite, though; Ren had Haru, Hibari, and Kasumi come by to cook together, as the four of them had previously discussed, as friends. Dinner was a splendid variation on curry that Hibari had suggested, and whatever leftovers remained were split between the four to take home.
Now Ren is cleaning up the restaurant. Their friends have already left, but they haven't locked the door yet; this is a safe neighborhood and they're still in the middle of washing and drying dishes, re-wiping counters and tables, dusting, and, finally--since it's been a while--cleaning the bathroom. This is Ren's least favorite task, but it needs doing, and with the place empty and this being Monday night, it's as good a time as any to take care of it.
Leblanc's bathroom is a tiny thing, though--enough room for a single toilet, a sink, and a mirror, and that's basically it. The cleaning supplies spill out into the restaurant proper, easily visible from the door. Ren still has their apron on, but they've also got a face mask and rubber gloves, and of course their glasses and school uniform sans jacket. Their smartphone has been left on a nearby booth table, on top of their uniform jacket; they already weren't paying attention while cooking with the girls and they're certainly not paying attention now that they're in the middle of scrubbing the bathroom's porcelain.
Because of this, it would be simple enough for anyone to just walk in and surprise them. But who would do something like that, fully unannounced? Especially since Ren's finally managed to go a couple days without giving a certain detective prince more than a passing thought...
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
An Akechi that doesn't want to be found is a difficult quarry indeed, when one is on the hunt. Oh certainly there are some ways to find him, but those would require Ren staking out a TV Station and there the key question is 'which one'?
No, the best way to find an Akechi who doesn't want to be found is to wait for him to come to you.
Which is sounded out by the chiming of the bells at the door that ring that telltale sound at his entrance.
Of course- Ren would hear it, despite their circumstances. However, what he might not expect is that as one is trying to get things sorted out to address the fact that they have cleaning supplies in hand...
... would a backlit shadow loom as a familiar outline steps closer to the door, gloved hands clinched at his sides, sans briefcase. His expression- far too serious- at least until he huffs a breath through his nostrils, in a way that would sound dangerously close to not just anger but fury.
Of course Ren would be turned around by now. Maybe their hands would even be free of the supplies- but all indication looks like it is leading to violence.
What? Why? Was what Ren said really enough to deserve this kind of reaction?
He doesn't say anything- doesn't greet him, doesn't respond to anything he says, if he pulled a gun right now, would it even be surprising? Would even Morgana hear it?
He lurches forward, his foot attempting to sweep one of Ren's out from under them- to force them to be at further disadvantage, off-balance in this tight space.
Rather than falling, however- Ren finds their descent suspended by the grip of a hand behind their back, caught- and Goro Akechi's face so close to theirs.
As he whispers close enough to feel his breath(it's minty fresh of course, damnit), the first phrase he's said since he entered-
"Still want to claim I don't have the guts?"
Goddamnit, he sounds even more smug than ever having them in this position.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
The bell over the door chimes. Ren hears it, but doesn't think anything of it at first; they assume it's Sojiro stopping by the check on them, and no one says anything to dispel them of that assumption, so they simply continue to clean the toilet. Fortunately, they're just about done, so this involves them popping the scrub-brush back into its container, flushing the toilet, and wiping their forehead with their sleeve as they watch the gunk get washed away. They'll need to do one more scrub to disinfect, but for now they can stop and greet Sojiro.
Which they do--or at least, they turn around to do. But there is a shadow on the floor, approaching, and it is not Sojiro's silhouette. Ren stops mid-step, right at the doorway; their heart is pounding when they look up with widened eyes to see Akechi approaching while they're in the middle of cleaning a goddamn toilet. They have just enough time to pull their mask down and utter, "Akechi--"
It already takes them by surprise, being caught in this situation. It's even worse that they've got rubber gloves and a face mask on, that they smell of chemicals, that they're in the middle of cleaning a goddamn toilet. The vibe is even worse, though--the way Akechi huffs that breath, the way he doesn't stop approaching, the way he crowds them into the postage stamp of a bathroom--and they retreat a step, almost two, despite the absolute lack of anywhere to go, by the time he knocks their feet out from under them.
Ren is still reeling, mentally and emotionally, when Akechi grabs them by the waist with one arm. Instinctively, they clutch him by the sleeves, clinging hold as he suddenly leans in and whispers close to their ear. Their heart all but explodes in response. Is that--what--but--what??
Their fingers dig into Akechi's arms. He might well be able to feel the race of their pulse with how their chests are pressed together. Though his demeanor had been thunderous, Ren sure as hell never expected this. Let alone for him to commit to this when he saw what an un-sexy thing they were doing.
"You could work on your timing," they murmur, and it might sound suave and dismissive if their hands and their voice weren't trembling.
Despite this, they make zero attempt to push him away. Why would they? It's frightening, but it's also thrilling, and it's also aggravating, and they don't want to ever let him go.
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
Ren's fingers dig into Akechi's arms. He can feel the race of that pulse certainly, even through gloves. Some are just that fast- some are just that forceful.
He could work on his timing, Ren says. A fair complaint, after all- there are few places as unsexy as a restroom in the midst of being cleaned.
"True." He agrees, still whispering huskily, "But there is something to be said about taking you off-guard when you least expect it."
Certainly a normal thing to say- and a normal person feeling to have.
"The effect I have on you would be hardly so pronounced otherwise."
Is this why he's been ghosting Ren so hard? Just to take him by surprise today in fulfillment of the dare? His anger on that day was obviously real-
-but his approach certainly leads to the idea that he left Ren twisting in the wind just to take advantage of that sour note to mess with him all the more in the long run.
"And the look on your face right now is quite adorable." He adds, as if it were an obvious observation at this range.
There is some uncertainty - whether he'll do it, not do it. Where his mind is at at all right now- it lasts for so long that Ren's pulse must feel like it's thrumming all the faster.
Will he?
Won't he?
Then, he just stands Ren up, balancing them upright with that hand around their waist, before taking a step back.
"What do you think- would you say it was worth the wait?"
The wait - that time period between when he ended that phone call early and right now. All that time spent looking for him-
-all amounted to this sort of petty retribution, for that parting comment- and for that dare.
What an asshole.
However, he left some ambiguity there whether it was a dare- or whether he might have actually kissed them.
Perhaps the only reason he didn't?
Well... he has to work on his timing.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
Akechi definitely has one big thing on Ren right now: with as worried as they've been about him, alternating with how angry they've been about him, they honestly completely forgot they made that challenge in the first place. Aggravation flashes across Ren's face and dark eyes as their eyes narrow, but--they still don't push him away.
He's right, after all. He did take them off-guard, and their reaction was that much stronger for it. When he calls them adorable, they bare their teeth in a grimace, an expression undercut by the heat that rises in their cheeks.
What is he going to do next? Ren's stare might be nettled, but it's also locked on him in full anticipation, the tension of a taut string that might produce a sour note or might produce an epiphany of a chord. And then--
He stands them up and retreats a step. Once again, confusion--and disappointment--flash over their expression. The question can only get a frown.
He is an asshole. They find they don't hate it. All this time he spent ignoring them was just to wind them up, because he was just as fucking obsessed with them as they've been with him this whole time.
So INCREDIBLY aggravating. So incredibly gratifying.
Instead of answering verbally, they tug off their gloves and neatly fold them over the edge of the sink. Eyes lidded, they reach up to brush the backs of their fingers along his silken hair and sway close. It would be easy to put an arm around their waist again at this distance. Gaze locked on his, they bring a lock of his hair to their lips.
"When you got upset at me before," they murmur. "How much of that was a bit to set this up, and how much was real?"
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
So INCREDIBLY aggravating... also gratifying.
Akechi goes quiet as Ren grasps a lock of his hair, his smug expression dimming for a second, like he's trying to assess this in lieu of everything he just did.
Then...
"Oh I was genuinely upset." Akechi says with a soft, awkward chuckle- like it's difficult for him to make that admission. However, at the same time deciding that he shouldn't try to downplay it- Ren wouldn't believe it, and he's not sure he could sell a version without it.
"None of that was a bit- I stewed upon it for a time. Then decided-"
Now he's smirking again, "-that I'd enjoy a small measure of payback. I doubt you've even thought of the dare you made for the past week or so."
Ren wasn't thinking about it purely because they thought Akechi was mad at them!
SUCH AN ASSHOLE! GOD!
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
"..."
On the one hand, Ren is glad, in a muted way, that Akechi doesn't try to insult their intelligence--that he comes clean on having genuinely been upset, and that this was his idea of payback. It's even gratifying to see his attitude dim as they touch his hair. He might smirk about it afterwards, but that's fine. Ren doesn't mirror that expression back. Their own gaze remains intense and piercing, without a hint of a smile. They don't move away from him; indeed, they curl a finger around that lock of his hair.
"I hadn't," they admit in kind, low and quiet. "You got me. On every level."
It's important to graciously admit defeat when it comes. It's important, because the sincerity is important. These past couple of weeks have made that clear to them.
That's why:
"Explain to me why you were upset."
If none of that was a bit, that means Akechi was angry at them for... telling him they like him and they hope he can come to like himself too one day.
If that's true, then they are just as sincere when they conclude,
"I don't get it."
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
"Well, we'll just say this round goes to me."
Was it just a game though? For him? For either of them? Was it a game in the moment? Just a way for Akechi to score another point- a challenge from Ren to see what Akechi would do to win, when challenged?
Certainly not, but he's painting over that moment to himself- with a comfortable framework they'd previously set up.
Their rivalry.
Unfortunately- 'Explain to me why you were upset' causes him to look- discomfited, like he was hoping they wouldn't in fact dig into this.
Perhaps in vain.
Akechi breaks eye contact, with a turn of his head. "... It's difficult to explain. And... I'm not entirely certain." He admits, because by all- accounts, he enjoys being seen by someone, truly.
So why then did he get mad that time?
"If I had to offer at least- a partial explanation..."
...
...
...
"... it's that you too, have to work on your timing."
This may surprise Ren some, and at first it might sound like he's making fun of them- given their comment from less than a few minutes prior.
Yet...
"We were having a good time, were we not? I suppose it would be like if the mood was good- that we were enjoying ourselves- and out of nowhere- I brought up one of your ex-girlfriends from middle school and how the two of you lost touch with one another..."
He inhales once, then places a hand to his chin, "That is the best I can explain it. I understand you meant well enough- but in the moment, it felt like a- slap in the face? A cold bucket of water?"
He can't entirely parse the reasons why- otherwise, he felt upset in the moment.
It's what he wants, and yet, he's upset to get what he wanted in someone he was close to?
Why?
"It's not as if such subjects are off limits- just- I suppose it's again, a matter of timing."
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
"Sure," Ren says dryly. The faintest hint of an upward tug on one side of their lips might hint that they aren't just placating Akechi, though.
That doesn't stop them from coolly demanding answers, though. Akechi might turn his head away, but Ren keeps boring that stare into him. He says he's not certain, and they say nothing, awaiting his attempt to explain. They're patient. When that answer does come...
Their eyebrows furrow. They still don't get it, clearly. The metaphor about if Akechi had brought up a middle school ex doesn't make them understand any better, either, though it does at least help put things into perspective, if the pull of their lips into a long, thin line is any indication. They don't precisely move away, but they do pull their finger out of and away from Akechi's hair, hand brushing briefly on his hip before they drop it at their side.
A matter of timing. Well... they sort of get that. The two of them were having a good time, and if Ren had brought up a hated topic and rubbed his face in it, of course he'd get upset. It's just that the topic at the time was...
"I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings--that was the opposite of what I wanted. But... I still don't get it," they reply. "Maybe I'm misunderstanding what upset you in the first place. From my perspective, it seemed to me like--well... back then, I told you..." Now they look away, a hint of color in their cheeks as they rub the side of their neck. "...that I like you the way you really are, and I hoped you'd come to like yourself too one day, and... that's when you started getting upset."
They look back at him. Their gaze is no less focused, but this time its intensity is softened by agonizingly genuine concern. "...Is that actually it? Did you really get upset that I'd hope you'd learn to like yourself?"
They hesitate for a heartbeat, then decide to commit.
"Do you really hate yourself that much? Why? Or do I have completely the wrong idea?"
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
Even if Ren were, he'd just take it as all the more evidence that Ren is bitter over their loss this round.
Still, Ren doesn't get it. And Akechi isn't quite certain he gets it either. Introspection that deep is uncomfortable, for it always takes him to places he'd rather not revisit.
They apologize, and he simply nods- but, then they communicate that they are still misunderstanding something, just as Akechi himself feared.
Ren explains.
Why? Why does he get upset at the idea that Ren hopes he should like himself?
Because it's impossible.
What isn't there to like, he had used as a brush off, in the moment. The reality is- what is there to like? Achieving everything he set out to, doesn't make him less of a Cursed Child.
If anything, it proves that he always was. That there is nothing to like.
That he wants to be seen- but if Ren is truly seeing him as he is- then shouldn't they know?
Shouldn't they know there's nothing to like?
To want to be liked- to get angry that someone likes him and thinks there's something of value. If they truly saw him, then wouldn't they know there's nothing TO like?
If Ren thinks there is something to like- then does it not mean he's deceiving him into thinking so? Is he not then blaming the victim of his deceit?
That is the contradictory mess that is Goro Akechi.
"Do I really hate myself that much, that I can't accept such well-wishing...?" He repeats the question, in a contemplative tone, drifting off into silence for several long seconds before, "I'm not certain I have a satisfying answer for that one."
You do. You just don't want to say it out loud.
Looking at Ren again, studying their face, it's the thought that Ren Amamiya is perhaps - liking themselves more and more as time goes on.
And he's liking himself less and less.
The more you like them. The more you understand just how jealous you truly are of who they are and what they have.
"... I don't know."
And jealousy leads only in one direction with you- doesn't it?
"I'll have to think upon that one, I suppose. I wish I had a better answer for you- but I don't."
Once they know you hate them as much as you like them. It's all over.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
It does make sense from Akechi's perspective, doesn't it? If Ren likes him--if they tell him they like who he really is--there's only two options: either he's got them completely suckered, or they're lying. Neither is a good thing, and both are worth getting upset over, even at the same time that he should take it as a sign of triumph.
After all, Ren can admit this because they finally accept (or rather, have been convinced to accept) that Akechi and the Black Mask are two different people. The only reason they haven't said anything about it still is because they don't want to hurt Akechi's feelings by telling him they suspected him of being that homicidal maniac for even a second in the first place.
Granted, they still think there's a connection between them, but there's a gulf of difference between 'having a connection' and 'being the same person.'
Ren purses their lips when Akechi claims he doesn't know, that he doesn't have a good answer. They may accept that he's innocent, but when it comes to this...
For a detective, you sure turn your eyes away from the truth a lot, they think. How can you really not know how you feel about yourself?
(Of course, the answer there is that he does know; he just isn't willing to admit it to them. That's ultimately the same thing, though, just remixed.)
Still, he says he'll think on it, and they nod. They'll give him the benefit of the doubt here. Sometimes, some things are too painful to confront directly. The foot of a lighthouse is always darkest and all that. Maybe it's something he's buried so well even he's forgotten the face of it. In which case...
"I know you've been through a lot, growing up. I know you've had people who treated you badly for things totally out of your control. It wouldn't surprise me if you've got some deep-seated self-loathing that's been baked into you since you were a kid," they say quietly. "But, Akechi... I know I give you a lot of shit for being a jerk sometimes, but please trust me when I say that there are things about you worth liking. If there weren't..." They swallow hard, and their eyes shimmer with emotion they keep off the rest of their face. "I wouldn't have come around to you like I have.
"You're my friend, and I care about you. And I don't like the idea that you might hate yourself so much you can't stand to even hear that much."
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
In a sense, being a Detective does not necessarily qualify someone to knowing themselves- or acknowledging themselves. Physicians are the worst people to diagnose themselves after all.
However, that doesn't mean that Ren is wrong in the idea that he ought to.
Ren begins speaking to him about his childhood, and Akechi doesn't get angry about it- it's the conversation they're having after all.
He doesn't look directly at Ren, as he it shifts to giving him shit about being a jerk- but that there are some things to like.
They only think that because you've tricked them.
There's a certain intensity in his eyes, even as he looks away from Ren... this idea that if they dig too deep, then it will in fact, be over- whatever this is between them.
Friendship? Rivalry? Something else?
Yet, he can't play act his way out of it and deny it's true after all this either. He knows that much.
"Well- while I can understand your discomfiture with it... I don't think there's anything to be done."
He relates to Ren finally, "And despite how it sounds - I don't hate this life. Living. It's just the way I am, really." Before he says, perhaps a little distantly, "I can only ever be me."
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
Context matters, after all. Ren isn't hitting Akechi with the cognitive dissonance of emotional whiplash by turning a fun, flirty conversation into something serious and unintendedly painful this time; this time, it's just the conversation they're having, as Akechi says.
And because it's the conversation they're having, one they're having face-to-face at that, Ren can pay closer attention to him. To his little gestures; to his micro-expressions. To the way he won't look them in the eye, but how his gaze sharpens all the same. To the truth that gives all new, excruciating context to how he fakes his personality on TV, and why he got mad when Ren suggested they saw no point in leading a fake life.
He really does hate himself that much.
Why? How? Yes, Ren knows some of the causes. However, surely even with the trauma he's experienced growing up, he must know that he's done a lot of good in the world as a detective. He's brilliantly smart, devastatingly handsome, driven and determined. How can he seriously think there's nothing to like?
(Because, sure, Akechi said, 'What's not to like?' But Ren knows sarcasm when they hear it, and they know exactly what he was actually saying.)
"...Yeah. That's true of all of us," Ren says quietly. "We can all only ever be ourselves." They swallow hard. "That's why it makes me worry that you dislike that person so much." They glance away. "But... I can't make you change how you feel about yourself. No one can--no one but you."
It truly is heartbreaking, being in love with someone who can't love himself. If they told him how they felt, would he believe them? Could he, even?
"...Hey, Akechi. Uh... Not to make it weird, but... would it be okay if I hugged you?"
The color has seeped back into their cheeks and they rub their neck again as they say this, but they also gaze at him anew, and this time without turning away--whether he meets their eyes or not.
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
He really does.
His existence is - wrong. It's a detriment not just to his Mother, but to the world itself. He was told that 'Ruin' was coming- and he could stop it, if only he would accept the patronage of a certain long-nosed man.
And to that offer, his answer was 'No'.
And as he stands across Ren Amamiya- he's rather certain that Ren's answer was the opposite. Because of course it is.
Ren pursues his own Justice. But that Justice will not visit harm upon so many people for the sake of the downfall of one man.
"... Well just as telling me that I should like myself won't change matters- I suppose it would be hypocritical of me to say you shouldn't worry for me in that regard."
They should be worried- for themselves. For what's coming.
No one can change that part of himself but him- there's almost this bitter smile on his features, upon his personal understanding that he cannot change who he is.
He cannot be the better man.
He can only be himself - the Cursed Child.
'but-- would it be okay if I hugged you?'
That idea jolts him out of whatever thoughts he was mired in, looking up, "Oh- ah-" He looks taken aback. After all, he hasn't been hugged for almost twelve years.
Even when a fan tried to- or a show suggested it, he maintained that sort of personal space.
But...
"... Well, I suppose- I wouldn't mind if- you'd like."
He's not certain if he's excited or embarrassed or touched or all at once by this request. It's really that distant to him, the memory of being hugged.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
Of course it is. Ren didn't like waking up in a weird prison with two tiny belligerent guards and a weird long-nosed warden, but being told that they, the Trickster, had a chance to prevent the coming 'Ruin'... Even if they weren't sure they bought into it at first, how could they just ignore it? If nothing else, they had to hear him out, if only to be sure of the situation.
...you know, once they arrived in the Velvet Room under their own power rather than being summoned in their dreams. That's also an important part. Either way, Akechi is fully correct. While they're hardly free of vengeful, hateful feelings, Ren's form of justice is nonetheless chiefly about protecting and uplifting the weak, not tearing down and controlling the strong. That's how they can react to Akechi's smug better-than-thouness and decide that they're going to rise up to his level by accepting his challenges: they choose to become better.
Understanding this about them, no wonder Akechi can't stop himself from being resentful.
"Mmm," Ren murmurs in what is functionally agreement, eyelashes sinking. They see that hint of a bitter smile, and can only imagine what he might be thinking in that moment. At least... Akechi accepts how they feel. That's something. At least he isn't pushing back and getting angry anymore at the idea that they might like him. Compared to before, that's a huge improvement, actually.
They hold back a smile at the thoroughly startled way he looks at the request for a hug. It's very cute, though... and they're glad he gives his consent. Their gaze softens, and they raise a hand to brush a strand of hair from his face.
Akechi will have a moment to wonder at their wistful, almost yearning expression before they step in closer, slip their arms around his waist, and lean their head on his. They take it slow to keep from startling him or making him uncomfortable, and to give him the chance to either pull away or hug them back as he wills; however, soon enough, they're holding him tight, arms taut on his back as their gaze drifts to the floor.
A tender moment like this would have to take place in the bathroom, huh... In a weird way, though, that makes it better. That makes it real and unrehearsed--something that happened because that's just where they were and how things played out while each of them were being more or less sincere to the other, as opposed to being because either of them tried to re-frame it into something more ideal.
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
What a mess, Goro Akechi is.
Even getting exactly what he wants - he gets upset about it. Perhaps in a sense, that is his life.
No matter what he achieves- he can't allow himself to be happy. Because fundamentally, he knows what a terrible person he is- and makes no effort to change that.
He accepts that's who he is.
Akechi does wait, seeming less to study Ren's expression and more to catch it, like the look in Ren's eyes as they approach.
There's a new context here. It's not necessarily just two guys anymore, but a guy - and someone who feels more like a guy sometimes, a woman at other times- and neither at others.
His amber eyes show that he seems a little tense as Ren approaches- only to get less so as Ren's arms wrap around him. At first, his own makes no such movement, like he's still trying to figure out how to deal with this.
Then slowly, his begin to do the same, lacing around the small of Ren's back, just above the waist. He's trying to keep it quite chaste despite his feelings- the worst thing he could do is take advantage of Ren, when Ren was being kind to him.
Then, something in him just subtly relaxes. Like the memory of what it's like just returns to him as something more than the vague person-shaped void within his mind, this long after.
Then anxiety spikes a little because how long is too long for a hug!? How long is too long? He finally clears his throat quietly, and loosens his grip, "Ah- thank you. That was rather-"
FIND A DESCRIPTOR AKECHI'S BRAIN HURRY!
"-nice."
IT'LL DO!?
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
Would it make that much of a difference if they were two guys? Ren admitted they're not just X-gender, they're also pansexual--that gender doesn't factor into who they find attractive, or alternately, they find all genders (or lack thereof) attractive. To them, it's six of one, half a dozen of the other.
They do spot that tension as they close in, and that only reinforces their decision to take it slow. They're grateful that Akechi eventually chooses to hug them back. More than grateful--their heart surges with emotion, and that's when their grip on him tightens. He relaxes in their hold, and they squeeze him a little together before letting their hold on him relax too. It's a wonderfully intimate moment, and they quietly breathe in the scent of his shampoo, eyelashes fluttering shut as they bask in the moment.
Alas, though, while Ren wouldn't have minded if that hug had gone on longer--a lot longer--all things come to an end. Disappointment tinges their heart when Akechi clears his throat and signals that he wants the hug to end by loosening his grip, but Ren accepts this and lets him go, backing up a step so they can look him in the eye.
This means they're looking him in the eye when he calls the hug 'nice.' Ren's own eyes crinkle with affection as they smile.
I like you.
You're my friend, and I care about you.
Maybe those lines will flash through Akechi's mind, seeing the way Ren looks at him now. They tuck their hands in their pockets; their nails are plain black, currently, and just slightly long. "Glad you enjoyed," they reply in that casual, unbothered way they do.
However, it melts into a bittersweet sort of melancholy as their smile fades away. "...Akechi? I really am sorry I upset you. That wasn't what I wanted, but I get that to you, it left a bad taste. Especially since..." Their eyes flick away. "...you told me before you don't trust me. I don't know how you feel now, but given that, it might've even sounded like a lie, or like I was mocking you."
A pause.
"So, um... next time you're that upset at me..." They meet his eyes again, and that melancholy has only deepened, like a ship sunken to the bottom of the sea. "Let's talk it out. Don't ignore me and shut me out like that again. Please."
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
One has to consider the environment Akechi has been in for years. After all, two guys hugging is seen as weakness by the people he surrounds himself with, who give him orders.
It is allowing vulnerability, in a moment of physical affection.
The look in Ren's eyes causes his own to soften somewhat, like he's not weighing such things at the moment though.
'Glad you enjoyed,'
He doesn't speak immediately, he lets Ren fall into that bittersweet melancholy, as he apologizes. Something he didn't expect. Ren wasn't trying to hurt him- and by all rights, it was a sweet sentiment.
Things just can't be simple, with him, sometimes.
"...Mmh," he vocalizes, lightly, at the idea of whether that's changed. "Would it help if I said- I want to?"
Perhaps Ren even understands that he means that he is wired not to trust. And while that part of him can't be undone, the idea that he at least wants to, despite that part of himself might help.
There's bitterness at what Ren asks of him. He's plotting to murder them. Always doing so- stringing it out until he achieves some ultimate victory, some moment of sweet satisfaction. In which he wins- makes certain the other person knows it, and rubs their nose in their own downfall.
For his Justice to win, another Justice must lose.
And in truth, the relationship is on some level going to be something upsetting to him all the time because of it. Every achievement Ren has - he can't simply be happy for them. He can't just enjoy the idea that they made a new friend, or that the Phantom Thieves won a battle.
Because as they climb higher- the high mountain perch he's on seems more lowly.
Still... in this moment...
"I think I can agree to that," he says in soft agreement. "I do apologize myself; sometimes the impulse towards- my worst inclinations can be rather hard to resist."
Which isn't exactly, the best apology, in a sense it's saying 'I'm sorry that I was myself' but it's also 'I'll do otherwise so I won't hurt you.'
The truth is though- it took every ounce of his willpower to resist his need for attention, that all-consuming urge for validity, that gnawing hunger that can never be sated.
If it weren't for some challenge, some dare, some competition- he could have never managed as long as he did to not make contact, so it's a rather easy request for him to give to Ren.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
One does, and one would--if Ren knew about it. As it stands, they can only presume the standard level of queerphobia in present Japanese society and Akechi's desperate desire for approval and validation from the masses he despises.
Either way, they assume it helps a lot that the two of them are still in the bathroom in an empty restaurant, out of sight of anyone who might chance to pass by outside. This moment is theirs and theirs alone--Ren and Goro, alone together.
It makes them feel special again. Important, considering that brief moment of jealousy they had with Maria and what she said about Akechi's encouragement vis-a-vis her exams. Ren really doesn't want petty jealousy to poison their personality.
Something flickers in their dark eyes when Akechi says he wants to trust them. "I'm not sure," they admit. "A little, at least. Yeah. As long as..." They bow their head. "...you don't just assume the worst of me when things go sour."
They don't mention Yoshio and how he'd publicly cut ties with them after their arrest. That's still a deeply tangled feeling, and they don't want to guilt-trip Akechi for how he accidentally tripped that trauma of theirs. This agreement is enough for now.
That apology might not be the best, but its sincerity draws a chuckle out of them. "Yeah. Once an asshole, always an asshole," they reply, and though on its face it's a criticism--even an insult--the affection in their eyes and smile is unmistakable. "That makes the times when you are sweet to me even sweeter."
...Maybe this might convince Akechi that Ren really does mean it--
--but considering his contempt for women who fall for bad men, that probably doesn't make anything better, and just might make things much, much worse.
"I do want to ask you one more thing, though," they add, sobering. "You told me before... you want your first kiss to be with someone you love, who loves you back. If you hate yourself so much it upsets you to be told you're liked..." They trail off for a moment. When they think on it, that puts a brand-new context on all the confessions Akechi turns down. Maybe it would be better to drop the topic--but Chihaya told them that communication is key to make it work for a Gemini and a Scorpio. Astrology might be nonsense, but the essential message behind that is not, and they swallow hard. "...does that mean you actually don't want to be kissed or get into a romantic relationship at all? Ever?"
They want--no, /need/ to know where that line is. To know what they should do going forward. If Chihaya's right and Akechi just wants a superficial dynamic of "joke"-flirting on the side of their weird rivalry/friendship... they can do that. It'll hurt, but that's true of any meaningful bond they might develop with him.
The pain is worth it, if they can just keep him close--whatever form that closeness takes.
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
Things rarely can be simple with him.
Even moments of simple enjoyment, may cause such bitter hatred upon the rebound. It's so difficult being friends with Goro Akechi- much less, being something else.
'A little, at least. Yeah. As long as... you don't just assume the worst of me when things go sour.'
"I'll try. When things go badly- it's in my nature to distrust that there isn't some ulterior motive. Because I grew up so slow to trust- has become part of why I'm so capable as a detective."
He smiles ruefully, "Would you believe it if I told you that I was betrayed by my clients and my contacts often? It sounds like something out of a novel- but it's true to life... people who would seek to use me, to their own benefit."
It's an explanation perhaps, but not in regards to Ren...
"Friendship is... new to me. So, what I can say is that I'll do better."
Better in not assuming malice, rationally he can tell himself that, but his feelings are- prickly, when he's poked in an open wound, accident or not.
Prickly may be an understatement.
He chuckles at Ren's 'once an asshole always an asshole' comment, before 'that makes the times you are sweet to me all the sweeter' silences that chuckling, like he was about to use some sort of quip or glib remark and- it just falls away, like he has none in the face of it.
Before he can actually say anything though, Ren asks him something else. About his first kiss being with someone who loves him back. About whether his self-loathing means he doesn't ever want to be in a relationship... ever.
It's a contradiction that indeed, has been on Akechi's mind for years. In all the tangled, Gordian Knot-like context that is his psyche.
"Ah." He vocalizes, lightly, which perhaps informs Ren that he hit the nail on the head for a contradiction that even Akechi has understood for some time.
"... Well..." He begins, then stops for a time, like he's trying to figure out how to put it. "... It's not something that hasn't crossed my mind." He admits out loud, now, "But I suppose the theory is, that if I found someone like that... I could forget that I do- for a time."
He closes his eyes in thought, "Perhaps that's unfair of me- to put upon someone else. Or perhaps it's merely naive to think that it could work out that way. I just- hoped that it might, that's all."
Love, as he knows is powerful. Powerful enough for his mother to overlook his accursed nature. Powerful enough perhaps to resist doing what she did to herself for years...
... and while it's a different type of love. He can't help but wonder...
If perhaps one day, he might be able to forget it for a time. He knows with Ren- sometimes he does, but still, he can't help but doubt.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
"Mm. I would, actually," Ren replies. "I've thought for a long time that you've got an undercurrent of... hating the society you're so desperate for approval from. Knowing about how you were treated as a kid went a long way towards explaining why, and if you keep getting screwed over by the people you're trying to help, that only underscores it."
They're even a touch sympathetic as they say it, but by and large matter-of-fact. This is not something they judge Akechi on. ...anymore, anyway. It certainly used to rub them the wrong way--in particular when Akechi called them 'innocent' for buying into his I-love-sweets act. /That/ made them mad.
Right now, they give him a muted smile and a little nod. They can buy that friendship really is new to him, too.
Then Akechi chuckles and is silenced in turn by Ren. Their eyes crinkle as they grin. It's so satisfying to see him at a loss for words--even moreso when it's in response to them being fully sincere about how they feel. It's tempting to tease him about it--but no. They'll let the look on their face speak for itself.
Besides which... they've asked him an important question, and he's giving it due consideration. They wait for his response, and are rewarded for their patience.
"...I see." Ren's not sure they understand that perspective, but it makes sense to them that Akechi would have it. They work through it aloud, even: "Loving someone, and being loved by someone, so much that you forget you hate yourself... If, despite that self-hatred, you still can't stop struggling to make a better life for yourself, it makes sense to hope for." They rub a lock of their bangs between their fingers. "That's part of a better life, right? Of being accepted by the society that rejected you? Finding 'true love.'"
They slip their hand into their pocket and meet Akechi's closed eyes. "...Maybe it's unfair or naive, as you say. But I think that's beautiful." They offer another tiny smile. "You don't hate yourself so much you've lost all hope for something better. That gives me hope for you, too."
For a moment, they pause. Then they tilt their head to one side, towards the cafe. "...Since you're here, d'you want a cup of coffee? My treat." They give him a larger, crooked smile. "Your reward for catching me so off-guard earlier."
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
Ren believes him, and he nods, that rueful smile still upon his face, but then he hits the nail on the head. "... Well, I can't claim the way our society is now- is something I approve of." He says as a mild deflection, but only a mild way. "That's a characteristic we both share. Yours is simply as they would say in the West a 'Glass Half-Full' perspective, to my 'Glass Half-Empty' viewpoint."
It's more than that, and he knows it, but he's not going to detail that toooooo much further right now. "Pursuing those who have shaped society for their own corrupt aims- seeing they face punishment. That is my 'Justice'."
That is technically quite true! Yet at the same time, it's certainly leaving a lot out.
Including the fact that he would let society burn- is not only setting the fires, but pouring gasoline upon them- in pursuit of a singular personal vendetta.
Perhaps Akechi gets a taste of his own medicine in a sense of that grin from Ren, they're looking quite smug themselves. Yet he can't fault them in this moment for it.
Akechi does try to explain at least- his thoughts upon it. "In the end I understand it's an irrational impulse- to have such a loathsome opinion of myself."
No its not and it never will be
A blight upon all their existences is all that you can ever be
"But- it's not something that can be fixed, I'm afraid."
Because you're fundamentally broken beyond repair
"... I've tried."
Yet as Ren comes to a conclusion, now verbally beginning to work through it aloud, Akechi nods along. "Yes. That's- accurate." He agrees, to the progression to 'true love' as if it were some math problem.
Just another irrational impulse
Yet, their conclusion to said problem?
"... You do?" He seems surprised, "Well..." He rubs a hand at the back of his neck, seeming suddenly a little embarrassed, or perhaps more accurately, shy, "... I suppose I can't disagree with your logic. I'm just a little surprised you- think so."
He's mostly taken aback, by the idea that such a mindset can be beautiful. After all, he's someone who finds few things in this world - to be beautiful.
Least of all himself.
However he's broken out of that by Ren's request, by a chuckle, "I think I'd like that. I'll leave the blend up to your expertise." Usually he's partial to something dark and bitter- would request it even, but- tonight, he finds he wouldn't mind something a little mellower.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
That is a characteristic they both share--not that Ren ever intended on denying it. It's just that they don't see a point in trying to gain approval from people who don't see or care to see the real them. It's simplicity itself for them to disregard the opinions of haters as meaningless. That's a point on which the two of them couldn't be more opposite.
They don't know that they'd call it glass-half-full vs. glass-half-empty--but they suppose that reforming the world and making the guilty atone for their crimes is a kinder punishment than anything the current legal system has. If anything, it's more like... reformation.
"Maybe," they say aloud. "We can at least agree we can't let people like that get away with it."
They fall silent when Akechi admits he's tried and failed to fix his self-hatred. They appreciate his honesty, but... it really does break their heart. There's no fixing it, and trying to reassure him on that mark only upsets him... so...
"Oh, by the way--it might've been bad timing earlier, but what you did before..." They sway close to whisper close to Akechi's ear. "It was still hot." Their grin is devilish as they step back, mischief sparkling in their dark eyes. "You can knock me over and catch me as I fall anytime~."
They say it like it's a joke, but they very much mean it--especially if it helps lighten the mood.
That devilishness softens into something more angelic as shyness steals over Akechi. Boy, you make it sound so pretty, even when it's not... So Akechi might sing if the two of them were six and a half years in the future. They huff a breath of a laugh at his surprise as they shrug. "I'm told I'm good at seeing the glass half full."
They take up their position behind Leblanc's counter as Akechi presumably heads to his usual seat, second from the door. Ren probably should lock the door, but they'll just have to unlock it again when he leaves, and they're not in a hurry for that. For now, though they know it (probably) wasn't meant as a challenge, they find they want to come up with a blend that suits his palate.
It takes some time, but they measure out a selection of various beans, then begin the process of grinding them. They glance at the kitchen once they do; there's still some leftover rice from when they were cooking with Haru, Hibari, and Kasumi earlier. Now that they're thinking of it... "It's probably late for you to have something to eat," they say, looking over at him, "but if you want--would you like some onigiri to go?" They quirk him a smile. "I've been practicing, like you requested."
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
"I'll take it." Akechi says with a faintly smug smile, as if Ren once again 'soft' agreed to another version of his thesis and antithesis greeting. Yet he doesn't 'crow' about it right now. (hohoho)
And well- he has a reputation of being a heart breaker. Just not typically in this fashion. Perhaps he shouldn't be surprised that he broke Ren's telling them that.
What Akechi learned from his experience trying? ... That he does not like therapists, mostly. Especially child therapists.
You watch your ass Maruki.
However, as a brighter note, as Ren comes near him to whisper 'It was still hot'. Akechi hesitates for a moment- like it might catch him off guard, before he seems to regain composure on hearing the tone as 'joking' and proceeds to take this one in stride, perhaps because it's a similar game to the flirtatious one they've played for some time.
Isn't it?
"Then it had the intended affect." And as such, he chuckles in his own 'all according to keikaku' sort of way, before offering, "I might just take you up on that. It would give me another glimpse at the adorable face you made..."
Akechi does have a pretty singing voice after all- now, after enough sessions in a karaoke booth and singing in the shower. He's even taken 'singing' out of the 'off-limits' category in the contractual obligations that he negotiates for commercials and TV appearances.
YOU DID THIS REN!
Now back at the counter, Ren can see where Akechi hastily left his brief case before ambushing them. Sitting face-forward, he doesn't do anything other than let his gaze linger upon his 'barista' for several long seconds before remembering that he ought to do something.
And thus does he slide the crossword puzzle book over.
He's jotting down the solution to one when-
"Hm." He hadn't expected that one- he could just say he'd gladly take them to go but, "Well, I'm known to enjoy a midnight snack from time to time." He says, as he closes the crossword. "If you've been putting in the effort then- I'm certain you're eager for the judge's 'verdict'." He says with a faint grin.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
You did this to yourself, Goro!! Ren never even asked you to sing with them!! Ren never even sang themself!!!
They do note the way Akechi hesitates, and wonder if they stuck their foot in their mouth again--but he recovers and flirts right back. Ren laughs, half glad and half relieved. "I am adorable, aren't I?" They wink at him. "Glad you agree~."
It might be a return to the more superficial relationship they've had, but, well... they need some time to digest what Akechi said about hoping he can be loved into forgetting how much he hates himself. How he acknowledged it might be selfish or naive. In the end, they're no closer to knowing if love between them could work out than they were at the start of the day, but it is an answer, and that has value in and of itself.
Ah, Akechi's briefcase. Once that giant embossed (A.) annoyed them. Now it's kind of endearing. He usually never lets it out of his grasp, but he wouldn't have been able to catch them if he'd kept it on hand, huh...
They smile back, seeing him open up this month's crossword puzzle book. (They wouldn't have minded him continuing to stare, though...) "Coming right up, then."
After the coffee, at least. Grind, grind, grind, grind... It's soothing, hearing and feeling the grinder mill the beans down. Such a satisfying scent, too. Hopefully this blend tastes as good as it smells.
"I've been learning how to make omelets, and Leblanc's curry too," they continue. "I never used to cook back home, unless you count heating stuff up in the microwave, but now... it's actually pretty fun. There's something satisfying about eating something you made yourself. It's even more satisfying to feed it to someone else and see them enjoy it." It's only one of many things Ren's been learning lately--one of those things being the saxophone. They won't mention that one for now. It'll be a surprise for when they get good enough to perform for him.
Soon enough, they serve up the blend. It's far from perfect, but it's quite smooth and fairly balanced for something Ren eyeballed. As Akechi savors it, they open up the rice cooker, mix up the seasoning in a small bowl, and fetch (what else?) the tuna filling from the fridge. It only takes a moment to form the rice ball between their palms, and they serve it up with a sheet of nori on a small plate. It too isn't perfect, but it's salty and delicious in its simplicity.
"If you like it, give me a new request, and I'll take that challenge on too." They flash him another broad smile. "I want the satisfaction of making my rival admit my food is good."
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
Look, your rivalry caused him to believe it was theoretically possible. Naturally, it remains Ren Amamiya's fault in all things.
Except for you know, all the murders and psychotic breakdowns. Those are all his.
"I can't deny it. Haha... perhaps I'll just keep your most adorable quality to myself." As he teases back, by offering a crumb, then withholding it.
It is an answer. Perhaps it is merely him articulating thoughts he's always had, been never could put into words.
After all, who else would he speak to about this subject? There's no one.
However the question he asks when someone confesses to him, 'What is it that you like about me?' has perhaps become a far more poignant, and sadder one in the process.
"Well, it sounds like you've made a great deal of progress since you started. As for myself..." He raises up both hands in a gesture of helplessness, "... my attempts at trying to make something edible in my apartment's kitchen aren't worth mentioning."
The fact of the matter is, when he heard Ren was trying to learn to cook - Akechi himself tried again. Tried, being the key word. He ultimately decided they would not be rivals in the kitchen.
And he seems very much okay with that. Perhaps Ren can understand why.
Soon enough, he's trying that blend, and leaning back in the chair after he takes a sip, "Mmm, quite smooth." Putting a leg up on the rest, he has his other arm over the back of the chair, "It's quite relaxing. Thank you for offering despite it being 'after hours.'"
And then comes the moment of truth...
I'm sorry- I wish I had a real kitchen. This is all I can make you...
I'm so sorry that I'm such a failure as a mother.
He picks it up, and takes it. Inspects it in his hand for a few moments. One bite. He chews- chews. There's a certain nostalgic simplicity to it. Reminding him of that old rice cooker they had in that basement.
It's not perfect. But it's also better at making him think of back then better than any convenience store onigiri he's ever tried before.
Another bite.
Another.
It's difficult to judge his expression as he eats it all, not commenting throughout the process, before he notes:
"...I find that it's quite agreeable," he remarks quietly. "I like it."
Don't say that! I like your Onigiri, Okaasan.
It's hard to say why, but one gets the feeling he's not saying so just because he doesn't want to give his real opinion. Perhaps it's just the strange solemnity in the air as he says it.
"Hm."
As he thinks back to the orphanage and 'Pancake Day' with Miki-Akihiko-Shinjiro all enjoying those stacks of pancakes, he remembers only that feeling of being an outsider, of jealousy.
And a strange thought occurs to him, "Perhaps, waffles?" He says after a time, "Let us call it an- impulsive request."
Suck it, Akihiko.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
That's what it means to have a friend: having someone that you can articulate your deepest thoughts to and reasonably expect them to not just listen but care.
If--when?--Ren confesses to Akechi, though, will he even need to ask that question? Or has Ren made it clear enough by now what they like so much about him?
Well... for someone like Akechi, it can surely always be made clearer.
"Tease," Ren accuses Akechi with good humor. "You just want me to challenge you to show me up again, don't you?" That is how their earlier moment started, after all.
A shame that Akechi's attempt to cook again met with failure. Ren gazes over their shoulder at him for a moment. "That's too bad," they reply quietly. "But I'm not surprised."
They do understand, at least intellectually. Good food is a form of self-care. How can you expect that from someone who hates himself so much?
They crook another smile when he enjoys their impromptu blend. "I'm the one who locks up. I get to decide if I serve a cuppa to a friend if I want," they reply. Inspiration strikes, and they add with a glint off their glasses, "A cuppa for a coppa."
The Black Mask loves puns. Ren will be okay if Akechi hates this one.
Once they serve the onigiri, though... they straighten and watch him inspect it. Their pulse has picked up. How long ago was it that they realized they care about Akechi's opinion of them? It happened bit by bit, until now it would break their heart to learn he secretly hates them. Hope picks up as he takes another bite, and another; when he admits he likes it, they breathe out a sigh of relief.
But... something is a little off. Or... not off, but--like it has a weight that Ren wasn't aware of. "I'm glad," they murmur, gaze lingering on his face.
He requests waffles. For a second, surprise flickers across their face. "Not pancakes?" After all, he was the one who picked out and doubled down on delicious pancakes. Still, they nod once, another smile spreading across their lips. If he's making this request, it means he really has acknowledged them. That makes them... truly happy. "All right. I'll add it to the list."
One of these days, maybe they'll even make him a full bento. If his requests so far are onigiri and waffles, it's going to be one strange lunch--yet isn't that part of the fun?
<Pose Tracker> Goro Akechi has posed.
Will Ren need to answer that question?
Perhaps whether he will or not is written within the stars.
"Of course." Akechi admits, shamelessly, "Though, I don't expect you to take the bait. I doubt you're so easily manipulated as to be goaded into a challenge as easily as that." As he just further leans into teasing him as is their way in this back and forth dynamic.
"I suppose I just don't have the knack for it."
A knack for self-care.
But also a knack for caring for others, too.
He just can't accept the idea of food as care. To do so seems like it's a betrayal of the feelings he holds for his past.
"Tck." He clucks his tongue at the pun, "Going for the low hanging fruit, are you?" And yet, he chuckles all the same. Signs on whether he enjoys puns seem to still be mixed!
Signs on whether he's Black Mask seem to be mixed.
(What do you mean Light Yagami, high school student with a promising future and son of a police chief is the brutal murderer Kira? That's impossible!)
His face remains hard to read perhaps, in these few moments. The admission that he likes it- it's nostalgia. But nostalgia always reminds him what came next. Perhaps it's just the taste this time allowed him to forget it for a while.
He would have traded any number of fancy meals for her to know that wasn't what defined how much he meant to her.
There's an inhalation of breath, liking it- he's glad he's taking it with coffee. Even enjoying the Onigiri is a bittersweet sensation.
"Thank you for that. I'll be happy to enjoy this any time you've made enough to share." And he says that with a little more cheer, as he takes another sip from the cup. "Not. Pancakes." He replies, enunciating those words.
A little too intensely??? What is this sudden reversal?
"Thank you. If you get around to it- I'd be very happy to try your waffles. I'm told they pair quite well with blended coffee."
Don't pancakes too???
(No. The day he takes Leblanc coffee with Pancakes is the day he has a Change of Heart and confesses to all those murders.)
Fuck Pancakes.
<Pose Tracker> Ren Amamiya has posed.
Ren's eyebrows rise when Akechi openly admits he wants that challenge. They already knew this, but it's always a gamble on if he'll actually be forthright about this sort of thing. Then again, he's always been pretty clear about wanting a rival, hasn't he?
"Hmm... I'd hate to disappoint," they quip. No challenge is forthcoming. Hoisted on your own petard, Akechi! Unless... this was your master plan all along?! (No, probably not.)
It's good though that Ren has already accepted on faith that Akechi is not the Black Mask, and so isn't seriously looking for similarities anymore. Otherwise, getting yet more mixed signs would be another source of frustration.
Whatever Akechi's true feelings on the onigiri are, though--or rather, the feelings he isn't expressing--Ren does trust he's sincere about enjoying the flavor. He wouldn't ask for more, otherwise. "You're welcome," they reply. "I'm thinking about trying curry-filled onigiri next." Would that even work...? Well, if it doesn't, it won't be because Ren didn't try.
/Not. Pancakes./ Wow. Okay. Ren's eyebrows rise even higher this time. There's clearly a story there, and they are curious--but they choose to let it go, this time. "Look forward to it," they reply instead.
Just like they'll look forward to his reaction when he tastes them. For good or ill... his reactions always been their motivation for taking on his challenges.