2026-08-08: Don't Look
- Log: Don't Look
- Cast: Yua Ijuuin, Hana Fukami
- Where: Hana's Apartment, Shinjuku
- OOC Date: 2026-08-08
- IC Date: Sat Dec 22 2012
- Summary: Yua has friends! Really! One of them is Hana, who she's involved in her housewife life recently. But when Hana asks Yua what's really going on, she gets more than she bargained for, as the dam breaks and all her poisons pour from her. Hana is left to grapple with the unfairness of learning about a shape she can't unsee -- but she can't stop thinking about the inequity Yua's suffering under, either. Maybe she can't fight a power like that... but she can at least shelter her friend for a little while.
- Content warning: Discussion of sexual abuse, torture, medical abuse, acid burns, unpersoning, gay bashing
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
Yua's invited Hana out for tea on and off for a while, now -- and at some point during those coffee chats and catch-ups, she extended an invitation for her to join their housewives' baking circle, despite the fact that's in Sumaru. Hana is quite a popular addition to the largely-wealthy club, and it means that Yua is able to invite her over to her penthouse for tea afterwards now and then, too. There, she was able to meet Tyrrha, Yua's adopted daughter... and her maid, Eiko, because Yua is rich enough to live in a sprawling penthouse with a maid.
(There's even a swimming pool... and now, a new addition of a koi pond...)
Sometimes, though, the invitations take Yua to Tokyo, instead... and today, in particular, she's coming to Hana's house! Seiji, her chauffeur -- she's chauffeur rich too -- actually stops the car and gets out to escort her to Hana's door, because her brain is completely frazzled today, she keeps forgetting basic steps to basic things like what door number she's even looking for. "I'll be okay," she smiles, to him, when he gets her to Hana's door specifically. "Thanks, Seiji-san!"
Ring, ring, goes the doorbell... of course, Yua's holding a bottle of pomegranate juice to offer to her.
She can't very well give a house gift of wine right now!!
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
Hana's apartment is high up, which makes for another good reason to have Seiji escort Yua. Shinjuku is a nice place to live, though Hana isn't penthouse wealthy. Hana's enjoyed her chance to get to Sumaru to bake with housewives. She isn't one herself, of course; she works in television. But she does have a Nice Man even if they aren't married, and she's more than willing to smile and join in the conversations. She's pretty good at baking!! ...Since she learned from her sisters-in-law, anyway...
And today, this invitation takes Yua up, up, up, to the floor where Hana lives. The apartment is not large but it is very nice, with floor-length windows over by one wall to show off a beautiful view of the cityscape, a bar dividing the kitchen and dining areas from the living area, and a nice leather couch with some side tables. There's glass doors to a balcony across the way, and...
Hana opens the door! "Yua-chan," she greets warmly, and accepts the bottle. "Thank you! I'll open it right now." Because of course.
"How are you doing? I hope the trip over wasn't too stressful."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
When Yua first joined a lot of these circles, she wasn't married, either -- which might be why she's so confident they'll embrace Hana despite the lack of a ring on her finger. It helps that she is in television, so everyone knows who she is... though most of the women who meet for morning tea in these things would be better known through the works of their husbands.
(Even when Yua was just being cared for by the Ijuuins, that was true, too... and of course, none of her friends were particularly surprised to hear that she'd found a suitor amongst them, with how close she was with her best friend.)
But up, up, up they go, and Yua's used to living on the tenth floor, but going up here is another thing entirely because there are so many buttons and she can't just hit the one on the tippy-top to get home now?! Luckily, this isn't Seiji's first rodeo; he's used to taking a few extra minutes to make sure Yua gets where she needs to go, lately. Particulary with her getting bigger, it would be a big problem if she fell... and she can feel quite faint, sometimes, even before she started with Hiroki.
"Ko~to~ba~!" Yua lilts, happily, as she takes the invitation in. (And takes a few extra minutes to get her shoes off, but never mind that.) "It wasn't bad! Seiji-san made sure I didn't get lost at all! Ahhh, and your view is so pretty...!" She adds, once she's properly enhomed, and she can pad over to the nearest window. "Look, look!"
Yes, Yua, she knows, she's looked.
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
Maybe Hana will be one of these days! ...Well, maybe.
Probably to her man, even. But there are a few matters in the way of that... and Hana is glad at least that none of the others in the circle have said that those matters are a problem for them.
But she has no Ijuuin family to lean on.
It's fine, though! There are indeed many buttons, and if Seiji were still here he'd get a greeting too. However, since he already made himself scarce...
"That's good," Hana says. "This is where I live! I hope you like it."
The view is pretty. Hana even smiles. "It's something I really like," she offers. "But make yourself comfortable, please." She comes out with two glasses for the juice, and makes to pour one for Yua.
"Your cookies the other day were really delicious, I should say again." A beat, "You just missed Teruo--something came up at work, and he couldn't stay."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
So long as things aren't said too loudly, there's an awful lot which the housewives' network will accept. No one knows how messy one's home can get better than a housewife, after all.
"It's so nice!" Yua enthuses, brightly. "Thanks for inviting me! I really like seeing other people's nests, too!"
She rustles herself down, on the couch, arranging some pillows to help support her before she accepts that glass. "Thankyu~!" She chirps, cutely. "I'm really glad you like them! Haaaauuu, I'm trying to bake cookies for another friend, but she keeps saying they're not the right kind... I'll figure out what she likes eventually, though!!"
Kiria is a friend in the Normal People Gloss; 'ninja of a clan sworn to protect her family' is something more of a mouthful.
"Awww, Shinoda-san's busy..." Yua pouts, though it's largely because she's feeling for Hana. "Mm, mm... well, don't worry! I'll keep you company, Kotoba! Hee hee, though you have more people to rely on, right?" As she's come to realise that Hana is mostly seeing just those three people, she's warmed up to the idea of multiple partners a little more. It's not that much different to her arrangement...
"Sorry I had to cancel lunch last Saturday, by the way," she adds, growing a little quieter. "Just... something came up, so..."
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
Hana's used to that particular dance.
'Nest' is a cute way to put it; Hana quirks a smile, her pink nails glinting in the room's light as she pours the glasses. "Thank you," Hana tells her friend. "I do try to keep it cozy... Though I'm moving soon, I hope. We've almost finalized things."
Oh, but another friend? "Hmmm. It's fun to figure out, it sounds like." Hana would never dream of being so picky but it does sound that Yua's having a good time.
"Sadly," Hana sighs. "But it's all right, I get to see him again tomorrow, probably. And soon, maybe all the time!"
She does have more people to rely on, though. "Mm! Sa-chan and Ya-chan are out on a date tonight, though." A little smile, and Hana actually blushes slightly. "...I admit, when I talked to you about how we see other people sometimes, I wasn't expecting things to blossom quite this way... I was sure it was 'casual'. But then, we had been looking at..." Apartments! Maybe Hana's just a little slow on the love uptake.
But by now, Yua's met them; she's seen how Hana looks at Emisa too, and it is not in a very casual way.
"Oh, it's all right," Hana assures Yua. "I understand that you have a lot going on. ...Is everything all right?"
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"Ahh, you have a house picked out? Yay! That's so great!" Yua bubbles, happily.
And of her cookie quest, she declares, "Next time, I'm trying blueberry chips...!"
She waves her free hand excitedly, hearing Hana's wishes for cohabitation. "It'll be great!" She encourages her. And then -- her girlfriends. "It feels better knowing you're serious, though, right?" She encourages her, smiling. "So you can really count on them!" She has, in fact, seen the way Hana looks at Emisa... and when she met her, she made sure to keep Hana between the two of them, to avoid any accusations of impropiety.
It's a little scandalous to talk to another woman's sword too closely, you know?
Still -- Hana asks if everything's all right, and --
You know, it's not that Yua's bubbliness is lie; she really is happy about Hana's relationships and her cosy home and her plans for the future.
It's just -- there's a little shadow -- right there, over her eye.
"Oh... um..." Her smile falters, for a moment, as she tries to get to saying that, "it's just a little... it's fine, I just... um..."
A pin could drop.
"... nn," Yua shakes her head, then, one ankle crossing over the other. "It's not fine. It just... can't be helped... so."
What a Japanese way to look at it.
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
"We do, we just have to finalize some things. ...It's hard to get them to rent to two 'men' who are together," Hana says with a sigh, her expression sliding, "But if the four of us go in together on something larger... it's less likely to be a problem." Probably because they'll assume the dynamics differ, or maybe because that much more money is more persuasive. Either way...
Hana noticed; she appreciates Yua's propriety, even if she doesn't think it's necessary. And indeed, Hana smiles back. "It does. It makes me feel... warmer. The last time I was with a woman it..." Hana's face falls. "It didn't end very well." She fixes her smile after that, shakes her head.
She focuses on Yua!
And there's a lot to focus on here. Hana looks openly concerned, as it's not fine. "Well..." She sets down her glass, and tries to look Yua in the eye. "I won't pry," she says. "If it's something you can't talk about, that's all right."
"But..."
"...If you think an outside listener would make you feel any better, I'm happy to be her. I promise I'll keep it to myself, if you do."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"You can help each other!" Yua declares, and if that involves a little heteronormativity, well -- that's the way the sausage is made.
She shakes her head, though, reaching out to squeeze Hana's hand briefly. "I saw how you looked at her," she assures her. "But did you see how she was looking at you, too? I really think she wants to take care of you... give her a chance, Kotoba!"
It's one thing to encourage Hana to be open to others, though, and another to...
Her hand curls at her glass, instead, holding it in both hands as she looks down at it. "I can't," she insists, her voice growing thinner. "I can't! I don't... I don't know if it would make me feel better, 'cause... it's too dangerous! Even if you never said anything -- they'd see you looking -- they'd know!"
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
They can help each other. And well, it is how the sausage is made. Hana's familiar with the necessities of the world...
But it'd be nice if she could push back, wouldn't it? Maybe someone else will.
Hana accepts Yua's hand on hers, smiling back at her. "She's wonderful," Hana agrees. "She really does want to. And that makes me want to work harder, too." So, give her a chance!! "...And I find I don't mind how Ya-chan looks at Teruo, either," she says. "It gives us something in common."
But while the encouragement is helpful...
Hana frowns a little. "Dangerous?" she wonders. "Yua-chan, that's a little scary..."
"I don't know of anyone who could get to me just for hearing you out in my own apartment," she ventures. "I really am willing to listen."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"But you do," Yua insists, all thoughts of romance fled from her mind. She rocks, on the couch. "You do. You're too close to it. Once you see it, you can't look away. You can't escape. Even when they think they've escaped, it's just the fairytales they believe."
Her voice grows tighter, as she shares this much: "You do. You invited me here. And I can't escape." She breathes -- once -- twice -- three times. "So please just - believe me - it's fine. It must surely be fine," she says, to her cup of juice. "It's just -- sex -- right? Isn't it sometimes just sex? It's nothing..."
... she's trying not to get her involved, but those three lines illustrate exactly what she's trying to paper over.
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
Yua's obvious distress is distressing to Hana in turn, but Hana by contrast has enough distance from it to maintain her composure. Yua rocks on the couch... and she speaks of fairy tales, and things that can't be escaped. Still--
While it is scary, Yua says the right thing to ensure that Hana definitely won't leave it alone. What she's papering over...
"Some things can be," Hana ventures, "But when it makes you feel like you're feeling now, I don't think it's 'just sex'."
"Yua-chan," she says more urgently. "What's going on?"
Maybe there's something she can do.
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
It's not just that one question.
It's the first time Yua reached out to the apartment association to see what the housewives were up to -- telling them she'd 'been sick,' when the gardening circle asked why she was so pale and strange.
It's the first time Yua put her fradulent paperwork in to the regulator to get her position as a teacher, and they asked what university she'd studied in, only for her to say she undertook private study.
It's Yume asking what happened to her, and needing a sanitised account for her own safety.
It's her father needing one, too.
And her new father.
And her new family.
And every student which has ever been concerned for her.
And the people she's met in Sumaru.
It's pretending she loves the man who bound her finger. It's pretending he isn't part of it. It's pretending she's not, too.
Pretending they took her eye, instead of opening it.
Pretending --
'What's going on?', Hana asks.
And Yua tells her, numb and distant, her motion stilling as she collapses into herself.
"I'm not who you think I am. I really was trafficked... but it wasn't by pirates. The day I reported for basic training, I was drugged and taken underground to a facility which doesn't officially exist. I was tortured and interrogated and all the while, they had me perfecting my craft. My passion. My drive. It became part of their thesis. I became part of their thesis. They took my name. They opened my eye. They gave me the power to trap people, to curse them and the land itself with a magic spell, to find them when they try to hide and to hide myself when they try to find me. They made me into an asset."
"And when my body and mind gave out, they handed me over to the woman I loved, who sold her soul to find me. They let me leave. But I wasn't free. Their eyes are everywhere. I see for them, too. I look so harmless... people say things to me. Even my students. Those people target them quite often. Young hearts have power. So I learn their habits, their interests, their desires. So they erode any chance to oppose them."
"There are people out there fighting a war they do not realise was won years ago. But even though there's nothing they can do, they still fight. There's nothing I can do, so I am who they fight."
"But I wanted something for myself. As if I were a person, not a tool to open the way forward."
"They let me leave, so I was able to do that much."
"And Kimi-san couldn't convince me to get rid of him."
"So he sent me back to the place which made me. Back to the woman who interrogated me. The woman who became obsessed with me. He sent me back there, and told me not to make him look bad, and she raped me. She raped me, and she bound me by blood to a robot she had made. A girl who would fight in my stead. A girl who could leave if I let that woman do as she liked. So I let her... so I took that girl home. So I made her my daughter. I still can't bear to have her go out there alone... but she gets hurt instead of me. I'm a monstrous mother."
"One day she was hurt in her soul, and she had to go back. So I took her back. And that woman said to wear a kimono. So I did. So she could take pictures as I undressed. So she could rape me again. And my girl. My beautiful baby girl. She asked me later, when we fed the fish. She asked if I resented her. She doesn't know. She just knows I get upset when I go there. She thought I was upset because I thought she was a burden."
"Kimi-san told me, this time. I couldn't take so long to be upset. I needed to get back to work. People would be suspicious of me. People would talk."
"I want to tell him I won't keep his secret any more... but he says he'll ruin our lives. Destroy our standing in the family. Destroy the family, just so they'll blame us for it."
"A few days ago, I attacked children. I helped my daughter attack children. And when they ask it of me again, I'll do it again. And when they ask me where you live, I'll tell them all about your nice leather couch. I've done it before. I've done it so many times. So many times my soul is sick. She tries to kill me. When it happens, it hurts so much, I just let her. It's other people who have kept me alive, even though I should be dead. Even though I'll soon be dead."
"And you'll interview another powerful person who is watching you."
"And he'll see where you're looking."
"And I've already ended your life."
"I'm sorry."
"If you don't struggle, it doesn't have to hurt."
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
Hana asks, and she does not really know what she's asking. But she finds out.
"Yua-chan..." She starts, but doesn't interrupt further, not at first. At first, Yua speaks of a magic spell, and Hana is perhaps understandably dubious. It would be healthier, maybe, to dismiss all this as the rambling of an unquiet mind.
...But when Yua mention that she is harmless, mentions her students, it is much more real indeed. A war they have already won...
"Yua-chan," she says again instead. And then there is one thing, just one thing, that she can actually address--one thing that she can hold onto, that she can understand. Not that Tyrrha is a robot--though that does explain a few things--but what Yua experiences.
Hana bites her lip--and then reaches out her hand, to offer it to Yua.
"There's a lot you're saying I don't understand," she admits. "But we're still friends, aren't we...?"
"...I'm used to being known to powerful people," she says then. "I don't mind. The man who outed me to the world... he seems so strong, too."
"I can't make you feel better about what's going on, or tell you it's all right. I can barely understand what's wrong."
Attacked...
She tries to reach Yua's hand, to squeeze it, to bring it back to her hands.
"I'm sorry you're going through these things. ...I knew he was heartless, but I didn't realize how cruel he was, th things he's doing to you."
"But you are a person. And as to that..."
"If I don't struggle, it'll still hurt," she says softly. "The last woman I was with... She decided I was just using her, because I was really only into men. ...And her brother got that idea. And he hurt me very badly, with his fists."
"...I decided... I didn't want to just be afraid." A spark of something almost catches in her, a bonfire of rebellion that... doesn't, yet, come to life.
"That if I was going to be hurt for being who I was regardless, that I might as well live as I chose."
"...I'm not strong," Hana says. "I can't fight, definitely not something like you describe."
The powder stays dry. Unlit.
"But so long as I can... I'll make a space for the people I care about."
"It's scary," she says, "But I'm not afraid of that."
"...Friendship means more to me than that."
She's still not a threat to Them. ...Not so long as she thinks she can't do anything.
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
Oh, her mind's unquiet, too.
Yua is still. She does not reach for Hana's hand. It is only when Hana tries to take hers that the pomegranate juice spills from them, as they forget how to hold a glass. Her eye watches, as if in slow motion, as it tumbles to the
fluffy, white carpet. It's real sheep skin. Even though she's on the floor, laying on that wool means she doesn't feel cold. 'What a contrast,' Natari marvels. 'You're so dark against the white wool... magnificent.' She
carpet. As she watches the stain seep in, she gags, but at least manages to keep it down. Her hand is easily taken. She is easily grasped. Easily moved.
It's Hana's hand, but she's thinking of someone else's.
"don't look," she says, and her voice rasps so quietly it elides all capitalisation.
But Hana has been hurt, too. Yua still doesn't look at her -- isn't really looking at anything -- as she whispers, "... if you don't give in, you'll die."
"There is no choice you can make against the Powers that Be. Small things... small things are permissible. So long as you serve. So long as you follow. I've hidden hope in the things which don't matter. Like my body. But it doesn't matter, Kotoba. You can't deny them. You can't defy them."
"Did you know that when my best friend went looking for me, because friendship meant more to her, they made her a number and crushed her will and conditioned her into a warrior who would protect me and all those under the aegis of Power without regard for her own life? With no regard for her own pain... she can't resist. Every time she joins us for a mission, I remind her of her shackles. I entrench her suffering. I must mind every request I make of her, every story I tell to her... she cannot help but put me first. All because she cared for me... I ruined her. Just like the woman I love, who became the Groom as I fought as her Bride."
(It isn't Yua who ruined them; but their ruination was so complete that all Yua sees is her complicity.)
"If they see you looking, they won't hesitate. You've already been noted as a good candidate for propaganda. Since they have other people handling that, you haven't been brought in, yet... but it would be trivial to start. Until one day, you don't recognise yourself. Until one day, you put your face on in the mirror, and it feels like painting by numbers. And then you'll smile, and laugh, and support the children, and perhaps it will feel good, in the moment... perhaps you'll feel like you've helped. Until the car pulls up. Until you need to tell a man in a suit what he wants to hear."
"I don't want to be afraid, either." Her fingers twitch, just the once. "... but I am. I'm scared all the time. I know they're watching me. When I upset them... they had a boy choke me, once. I was terrified. He was disgusted. But he was bound to obey. And so am I."
"I'm sorry, but when they ask me how to break you, I won't be able to refuse. Perhaps small things... small things. I do try. But I must think of my son... perhaps that's why they let me have him, after all."
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
There are ways to get stains out of carpets; it can be addressed. More important right now is Yua, who cannot hold onto a glass. Hana reaches down then, to pick it up, to set it on the table, and when Yua asks her not to look...
She bites her lip, and stands. "Yua-chan," she says.
She can't see the flashback, but she can see something is happening behind Yua's eyes. So she doesn't press her any further; maybe touching her is the wrong play, at the moment. She picks up a cloth, sets it to the stain, sits down with Yua again but does not touch her this time. She listens.
...A stain, on the carpet; a stain, in Yua. What she says chills Hana. The stain is an easier thing to focus on than the awful things her friend has to say here.
How much does she already give in? To... someone?
"That's..."
It is something she will have to take time to process. But the depths of Yua's brokenness become clearer to her. What's 'looking'...
"I see."
So what, then?
"So this is what you carry all the time," Hana murmurs, and focuses on that for now. "I'm sorry."
It's frightening, really. Some vast conspiracy... and it might want her? Why did she ask?
...No, she knows why she asked. Because she cares. That powder stays unlit, but it doesn't blow away, either.
"I didn't stop being afraid either," Hana offers. She just decided to be other things, too.
"They've hurt you very badly," she notes gently. "I can't say anything to make it better. ...But I don't even know where to start looking, if I wanted to."
"You're carrying such a heavy burden..."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
The cup is picked up. There is a cloth.
"All the time," the shell of a woman echoes. "It's so heavy."
She gives in.
"Don't look," she says, again, and manages a little more life the second time. "Please. Don't start looking. I said so many selfish things, but I don't want to destroy you. It was just the thousandth drop of water," and with restraint and time, even drips of water can become torturous. "Just that."
"Don't say you forgive me... please. You don't know what I've done. Even if I said a thousand things... it wouldn't describe the shape that's overshadowed me. A shape you can only see when you feel it... or when you're told."
"They're safe if they don't see..."
"If they don't see me."
"Oh, God... you can see me, can't you...?"
Folding her hands around her chest, Yua sobs, tilting forward into herself.
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
"Like I said," Hana says, "I don't know where to start. It's all right." Hana hands matters, and sees the greater life in Yua for now... she doesn't wnat to 'destroy her'.
It's better, not to poke her nose into such things, isn't it? But that all goes aside for now, to be thought about later.
"I won't," she assures Yua, say she forgives her--not now, anyway. ...She isn't sure she's ready to; part of her resents that this woman has just inducted her into the knowledge of such things, knowing how dangerous it's supposed to be to her.
But that's such an unkind thought. Hana thinks she can do better.
"I don't feel it," she admits. "I can tell you're broken up over it... that it's heavy on you."
"But I don't really understand. I'm not... special, like that. There's nothing about me that's part of grand conspiracies or anything."
"...It's all right, Yua-chan. I'm here. Can I help...?"
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
Yua certainly thinks Hana should resent her.
She hasn't just stained the carpet.
And thoughts don't wash out like juice can.
"I'm broken," she affirms, quietly.
"I can't be fixed."
As if she's an ornament whose clasp doesn't latch.
"I wasn't special, either. Just a country girl... I didn't even get good grades in my entrance exams... I don't know why me."
"But I've told you why you, Hanakotoba."
"Because you are useful. Because you may serve."
"What a wretched woman I am..."
She draws in a dragged breath, and looks to Hana, with that tearlogged eye. "... you're really... still asking that..."
"I keep hurting so many good people..."
And in the recrimination, Hana can see, now she's turned to her, the way her gaze grows unfocused as it grows undecorated, dull and without variation. ... as if she has her foot in two worlds, caught between sitting beside Hana and the abyss which haunts her.
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
Yua is broken, and can't be fixed. Hana can see that she feels that way... but she can feel, too, the chill of being told why her. The reasons that she would come to the notice of this awful 'Them'.
"I don't know either," Hana says gently. But she calls herself wretched, even as Hana again thinks... she is asking that. That is the person she wants to be. And maybe that's why this daunting revelation cows her... but doesn't break her.
"I am," she says. "...Yua-chan," Hana says. "Can you tell me where you are?"
She's not 'here', certainly. Her mind seems to be elsewhere. "Tell me about my apartment. Things you see."
"All right?"
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"The office," Yua says, at first, "she messes with the cameras, there's blinds, so, uh -- carpet, I -- I'm bleeding? I --"
But she takes another look, and frowns. "It's dark... something dark is coming out...?" For some reason, her hand lifts, to press to her eyepatch. She pulls it back, and shakes her head, seeing it clean. "Nn..."
Hana says it's her apartment, and Yua has another look. "I see... you," she affirms, looking to her. "Pink dress... and... zig zags. Coffee table... TV. There's a cabinet... um... a big window? It's sunny... morning... we're up real high..."
She takes a breath, looking back to Hana. "So it can't... be that place. I'm not... buried. I'm not..."
She braces her hands against the edge of the couch -- "Can I--?" She queries, aside -- and scooches herself closer to Hana if she gets that all-clear. "I'm sorry," she says, weight settling back down either way. "It's just been... mm... yeah, really heavy. Knowing I... I'll have to go back there. And -- and she thinks she's fixing me." ... she's alluded before to having some experience with corrective rape. Is this...?
"So..." Yua starts, a touch haplessly, and trails off. It's a few moments before she picks up with, "... most times, I'm okay... I keep it on the inside. That way, Yua-chan can sparkle for everyone... even though I'm really all dark and grimy. Mm... a lot of people are working really hard for me, so... I feel like I owe it to them to make life happy and warm? So I cover it up," she says, lifting her right hand, to offer it to Hana.
There's black fabric, stretched from a ring around her middle finger to a bracelet.
"Under this, it's ugly... I remember when it's bad. But I cover it up... so it's okay. Um... I can show you? It's just... not pretty, so..."
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
The office... And blinds. Carpet. Bleeding. But that's not what 'this place' is; it's what Yua remembers.
But something dark? That, Hana doesn't really understand. It seems that the movement moves on though. Cabinet, big window, morning...
"Yes," Hana confirms. "We're up very high! It means my view of the city is very nice. That's what the big window is for."
"You can." Hana lets Yua get closer, will support her if Yua wants to lean on her. She's still not sure all in all how she feels about the rest.. But in the moment, trying to comfort her feels right. Especially with 'correction'.
"That's horrible," Hana agrees soothingly.
Still...
"Just because you can bear it," Hana says, "Doesn't mean it isn't bad. ...It's all right, to feel bad, when bad things happen. I think so, at least."
She looks at Yua's hand. "You can," Hana confirms.
She braces herself to make sure not to react poorly, to... whatever it is.
"I see how hard you're working to be bright. I do."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"A nice view... like home... but you're higher." Yua is trying to come back to this plane of existence, at least.
At first, Yua just lets it be a matter of proximity; to prove to herself that being around another woman isn't dangerous, despite her mind's desire to insist that anyone short of her wife is a threat. "Mm," she nods. "Mm. I feel... really bad."
But there -- the ring. The fabric is stretchy, Hana will note. "It's hard," Yua says, and she's not just referring to how she has to pull on that ring to tug it off her finger. Beneath --
It's not a black hand, despite it perhaps seeming as if it ought to be.
It's... a scar, burnlike, shallow and circular on the back of her hand, deeper at the middle. Though it's not deep, the mechanisms of the hand are fragile, and perhaps it makes sense why Yua would lose her grip on something so easily under stress.
"When some people escaped, they punished the rest of us... drip... drip... drip. It really hurt... I wished I hadn't been picked. Whenever they bandaged it, they'd ring a bell... ring, ring, ring... so now, every time I hear it, my hand burns again."
Yua takes a breath, looking away. "... so... that's why I'd tell them. I'm sorry... I know it's not how I should treat my friends. I know... it's really selfish to have friends... when they're watching me this closely. You never asked for this, either... uu... I just, I... maybe it's since you knew about Kimi-san already, a-and you were worried, or... oh, I don't know..."
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
"That's right. Your place is lovely, too--but we're not there. We're at mine."
Proximity is fine. Hana listens to Yua; she does feel really bad. But regardless of whether she was going to be mad about it... She's not going to stop just like this.
The ring... Hana knows what it is, and means. But the scar?
"Oh..."
Hana's expression shifts, her lips pressing together hard. "That looks so painful," she says. "It sounds awful. That's not a thing to do to anyone."
But Yua looks away, and... explains. Why she'd tell them anything at all. Why...
"I see," Hana says. "...But people can't get by on their own."
"...I did know about him," she says. "It makes a few things make more sense..."
"But don't worry about that for right now, all right?"
When, then?
"Just take a breath. ...Let yourself be here, for a little while."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"Sometimes it still hurts," Yua says, her voice shallow. "Even without the bell. Like, when it's rainy... or when I have to use it too much. I said they couldn't do this to me, since I was a human being... but they just called me a number, and said it was a lesson."
She pulls her ring back onto her finger, tugging and straightening the fabric. "... I guess it was torture," she says, still not able to meet Hana's eyes. "Some of them... do that. It's better now, though. Our boss, she --" -- but Yua shakes her head, clapping her hand to her mouth. "... I better not say," she says, apologetically, glancing sidelong to Hana. "I'm still 'on thin ice'... they'll be mad enough when they figure out I told you all this. Just -- I don't, um -- I don't get choked when I talk back so much these days."
So it's okay? All of this is okay?
Well, it has to be.
Yua does lean her weight against Hana, now. "Here... it's nice. Is it really okay...?" To be here, one presumes.
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
"That's torture," Hana agrees sadly. "IT definitely is." But some of them do that. And their boss... Is better? Hm. "...Sometimes people don't care if someone's 'human' or not. I've seen it, too." Not in the same way, of course. Not so... systemically. But still.
"Well, I'm not planning on telling them," Hana offers, with not quite a smile. "I'm glad it's not as bad as it was at least."
Hana supports Yua as best she can in the moment. Hana doesn't answer immediately. She thinks about it. She has to think about it.
Is it okay...?
"I'm glad you're here," she says instead. "It's good to spend time with friends."
There's a lot she'll have to think about, but...
"Just stay with me for a bit, all right?"
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"Kotoba, too...? Uu... I wish you didn't know." Yua knows enough about the terminal letter to realise it's a matter of knowing, at least.
"I can't hide anything," Yua says, quietly. "Though... they don't know I've been recording it, yet... I think. So maybe...? I-- I don't know... there's not really anything I can do, just... I wanted to do something. Maybe... maybe they won't know I told. But -- but they probably do?! T--they ask about things they know already, just to make sure I'm loyal, I -- I can't lie!"
Yua's panic grows, but this time, at least, she's present enough to grasp at Hana's hand and squeeze it as she tries to calm herself. (Her grip isn't terribly tight.) "Stay here," she repeats, again, as she swallows. "Just stay here... okay... I-I can stay until it's time for the children's dance, all right? I need to... to watch them, I'm a teacher... I mean, I'm not a real teacher, but they don't know that... I really did want to teach them how to dance."
<Pose Tracker> Hana Fukami has posed.
"Thank you," Hana says quietly. She is aware, of course. And Yua sees that. But...
Recording. That's a good sign, isn't it? "I won't ask you to lie," Hana says gently, and places her other hand on Yua's, trying to calm her as best she can. She keeps her breathing even, her voice soft.
"You can do that much," Hana says. "Yes. Just long enough for that."
"It's all right, Yua-chan."
She'll have to process more later, but...
It's not right, what those people have done to this woman. And maybe there's a little more in Hana that might ignite one of these days because of it.