2026-08-25: Yua's Choice
- Log: Yua's Choice
- Cast: Yua Ijuuin, Miho Ijuuin
- Where: Rengedai Fertility Clinic
- OOC Date: 2026-08-25
- IC Date: Sun, Dec 30 2012 Part 2
- Summary: Dr. Matsuhashi has some confronting things to raise with her patients during Yua's latest antenatal appointment. Miho is willing to steer Yua towards preparing for a lengthy hospital admission during the last months of her pregnancy... but she isn't willing to influence her decision about whose life to save if worst comes to worst, because she's never viewed Yua as a tool like the men of the Order. Faced with the question of whose life to save -- herself or her sons' -- if her doctors can only save one of them, Yua must reckon with her determination to live against her determination to bring Hiroki into the world. At length, she chooses herself, with hope that even if she fails today she can still try again tomorrow... though both of them hope it won't come to that.
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"... I am glad the tablets are helping with your blood pressure," Dr. Himari Matsuhashi says, as she releases Yua from the terrible no good cuff around her arm. (She has to sit a certain way for it to work, but she immediately goes back to latching onto Miho's arm, sitting beside her, once she's done.) "But I'm still concerned, Ijuuin-san. Particularly with the trafficking you're experiencing... so much sexual and physical violence is bad for you and Hiroki-kun."
Here at their antenatal appointment -- most of the way through twenty-six weeks along, as the doctor understandably took a few days off to be with her family during Christmas -- Yua has explained the situation in those terms, and delicately. It misses some details, misses her complicity in the violence, but... from a certain perspective, it's not incorrect.
Yua looks down, her eye shadowed. "I'm sorry," she says, as if it were a thing she'd simply failed to do for Hiroki's health. There are so many things she has to think about, like abstaining from raw fish or using pregnancy-safe makeup or making sure she doesn't get sick...
"It's not your fault," she assures her, gently, though she doesn't reach out. (Whitecoats can keep their hands to themselves, thank you!! ... well, maybe Sachie's okay.) "I'm just glad you're coming back when you get hurt. But I'd like to suggest something a little confronting... okay?"
"Mm," Yua says, clutching Miho's arm and frowning at her.
"I'd like to admit you to hospital for close monitoring for your third trimester," she says. "Your pregnancy is quite high risk, and the hazards in your life..."
"No!" Yua yells, burying herself shamelessly against Miho's side, turning her blind side to the doctor in the world's coldest shoulder. "You couldn't stop them anyway, and I won't go back there! I won't! I won't, I won't, I won't!!" ... Yua's mixed up a normal hospital and a horrific one, evidently.
But even if it was a normal hospital, what would spending three months in hospital do to her...?
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
Miho is there, of course. She is always here when she can be, and Yua needs her. She cannot particularly hide the way that she is as troubled as the doctor, if not more so, at the violence Yua is experiencing. By now, Miho's subtler expressions are likely easy for Himari to read, particularly on this subject where they're a lot less subtle.
"Yua..." The doctor says it first; it's not her fault. But Miho strokes Yua's arm as she does.
But something confronting...
Miho attempts to meet Himari's eyes as the doctor finds that Yua won't look at her. How serious is she about this? How much does she think it's what's necessary?
"Yua," she says. "No one will force you," she says, and that much she is sure of, right now. "But 'there' isn't a place you've been before; it's not the same."
She frowns, then, still holding Yua. What can they do, then...?
"There must be a way to..."
Miho sighs.
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
Yua needs Miho frightfully often, but especially here; even in this homey office which is designed to be welcoming for children and families, there are all those implements of her torture, just waiting to be employed again.
... it's not the same, but it's still very difficult to do something as simple as go to the doctor. Yua even struggles when it's time for her yearly flu vaccine; if not for Miho, she might never see anyone for her troubles at all.
"Mimi," Yua murmurs, feeling her fingers on her arm, and she at least feels safe so long as Miho's here to stop them from taking her away.
Miho will find Himari's hazel eyes deeply serious, when she meets them; she wouldn't advise such a traumatic thing if she didn't think it necessary. And Yua --
Yua hums, tilting her head to peek up at Miho, when she hears her name again. "Mm... it's not...?"
"You've had to spend the night at Aoba General a couple of times, now," Dr. Matsuhashi says (to the back of Yua's head, quite patiently and calmly), and gives her a moment to recall them. She can sense Miho's own despair, too; she's working to try and assuage them both. "Did anything bad happen to you when you were there?"
"They scolded me! They said I should just let them do it!" Yua huffs, at once, recalling the frustration of a few of her nurses. "So I don't trust them one bit! Uh-uh!!" It's a moment longer, her shoulders hunched to hide herself away, before they drop down and she bites her lip as she first looks to Miho and then back to Himari. "... but... it's not like I disappeared or anything, so..."
"You've been hurt very badly," Himari says, gently. "I'm sorry those people weren't considering how you'd feel. But this will be a planned admission -- so as long as it's okay with you, I'll be able to write you a letter for them explaining all about how you need them to be extra considerate. I can arrange for you to tour the ward with Ijuuin-san, too, before you go in." A glance to Miho indicates which other Ijuuin-san she's referring to. "And I can see it's a very difficult decision for you... I think that so long as you can stay safe at home, you can take a few weeks to think about it. I'd like to see you in hospital at least by week 30, so that we can keep a closer eye on your health and do something right away if you become ill. You'll be at week 27 in a few days, so that means you'll be able to get ready in early January. And Ijuuin-san is right," she nods to Miho, again, "we can't force you to stay, so if you're unhappy, you can leave and come back home."
Yua frowns, troubled, as she thinks about it. "Uuu... in a few weeks? I..." Her fingers curl, in Miho's suit, as she looks up to her. "Mimi, do you think it's safe...?"
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
They are probably among Himari's more difficult patients, Miho is dimly aware, but she can only let herself be so free with doctors, too; after all, she's long known that she has to keep them at arms' length for her own sake, let alone for Yua's now. The power they can hold is not insignificant...
At least there is that safety, then. Miho inclines her head slightly to the doctor, and then--
Well, it's true; Miho has her own worries on this matter.
"You didn't," Miho tries to reassure Yua. "You were there, when I came back. And you came home to me after."
A planned admission...
So long as she can stay safe at home. But Yua has little control over that, and Miho about as much. It is... frustrating, to say the least.
Miho's eyes stay on Himari for now--until Yua looks back to her, in her suit, and then she looks down at Yua, instead.
"Yes, you have time," Miho says, "To think about it. I do think it's safe. ...I think..."
It's safer than the alternative. It's safer than 'home'.
"Yes. I think it's safe. I think it's worth thinking about, yes?"
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
Miho has her own reasons to worry about doctors... and Yua, her own reasons to worry for Miho, when she sees them.
But Himari is compassionate, meeting Miho's eyes, if not overly familiar.
"I came home," Yua echoes Miho, softly. "I came home..."
... Yua can't know that Miho has the same worries about home being unsafe that she does; she thinks it's a secret, that her home is unsafe, because she thinks of that lack of safety in terms of Kimitake.
"Mm..." Yua hums, as she listens to what Miho thinks about it all. She can't know those things, but what she can hear is the way Miho trails off, as she reassures her. She reaches up a hand, to cup Miho's cheek, despite the fact they're in public and someone can see. "Mimi troubled... mm..."
Yua takes a breath, and steels herself, and looks back to Himari. "... okay," she says, slowly. "We can... we can get ready for... for hospital time. You'll come see me every day, right?" Yua asks, looking back to Miho. "And you'll bring Tykko? And you'll take lots of photos of Tiger for me? And you'll water all the flowers for me? And you'll tell the Hinukan what's going on for me? And you won't let them do anything bad? So... so it'll be okay!" And it has the kind of desperate force of someone trying to convince herself of the notion, but she's trying.
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
What is safety, but the freedom from danger? ...What if the danger is always there, waiting?
Miho appreciates Himari more today even than usual. It is difficult, to deal with this. But Yua echoes her, and Miho inclines her head gently. "That's right."
Miho looks down into Yua's eye and realizes she's let her trouble slip--but rather than cursing herself for it, she accepts that Yua (and now, Himari) can see this.
It's not as if their doctor doesn't know things no one else can. If anyone thought to threaten her for that...
Well. Miho has taken some measures, at least, to see to Himari Matsuhashi's safety.
"Good," Miho says to Yua. "I will," she assures her. "I'll bring her, and I'll take many pictures, and I'll care for the flowers, and I will tell the Hinukan what happens."
"...I will make sure it is safe."
"Yua."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
It's hard for Miho, too...
Yua has tried to support her, between needing so much support -- has tried to make sure there's someone to support her, where she's too injured for it. She knows that Miho is suffering, too, though Miho doesn't whine and wail about it like Yua does, and she wants everything to be all right for her too.
She doesn't quite appreciate the threat to Himari as she does the threat to Miho's psyche, but in this, as many things, she relies on her seishitsu.
It's a thing Himari can see, quite plainly, as Yua softens to hear Miho assure her over and over again. "Mimi," she smiles, gently, hugging herself to her. "Okay. Mimi's taking care of me, so I'll be brave. I'll do it!"
"It's wonderful that you have someone like Ijuuin-san taking care of you," Himari smiles, though her expression grows serious, again, a moment later. "But while we're talking about hospital time," and she's quite deliberately using Yua's language for it, "there's something serious I'd like to ask you both. Even with the best care, it's possible something could go wrong during the birth... and I'd like to talk with you about your wishes for who to prioritise if the situation becomes critical."
"I..." Yua stops, looking down. "I don't want to die," she says, her voice small. "But... I don't know how long I have left, and... I want Hiroki to be here even if I die. But -- but I don't want to die -- but -- answering this should be easy, right?!" She wails, hiding her face against Miho's shoulder again. "I should just tell you to save him! I'm a bad mama!"
"No, no -- what you're feeling is very normal," Himari assures her. "Even if they wouldn't admit it, most families struggle with this question... that's why I want to ask it here, in a calm office, and not while you're rushing to surgery. I'm sorry... I know it's a difficult thing to answer."
Yua sniffles, looking up to Miho. "Mimi..." Part of her desperately wants to ask what to do... but part of her is scared of how heavily it must be weighing on her, silently. "Is it too hard?" She asks, instead. "Want me to do it...?"
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
Miho appreciates most threats more than others do. It's just part of who she is.
Still...
"Good," Miho assures Yua, ,and looks to Himari. She does her best, of course. But that serious matter... something can go wrong, and...
Miho's expression is just as serious, then. She expected something like this to come sooner or later, particularly with the difficulties that Yua has had...
"No," Miho says. "It doesn't have to be easy. ...It's natural, to want both. It's normal, to want both. His life, and your life... Certainly, that's what I want."
She considers. She nods to Himari, first. And then--
"What I want," Miho says, "Is to solve it for you, so that you don't have to deal with something so difficult. ...But I must not."
"No matter my reasons, no matter my answer... it is your body that has sustained and supported Hiroki, Yua, and your body that is at risk. It is not my place to tell you what to do, what you must do in this case. I can ensure that your wishes are respected--but I must not tell you what those wishes ought to be."
Not 'cannot', clearly; she could! She easily could! But she must not. It would be wrong, to Miho.
"I promise you that I will respect the choice you make. I love you, and I love Hiroki. I hope to be so lucky as to have you both in my life for long years to come."
"...But it is indeed your choice, Yua. I do want you to make it."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
OST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TtqCLlKOgM P!nk - I'm Not Dead
Yua offers to take the burden from Miho, as if Miho would normally bear it; Miho, in turn, makes it clear that it was never hers to hold. The concept that Yua would intrinsically be master of herself is -- heartbreakingly -- surprising; her one remaining eye blinks, as she looks up to her, a touch dumbfounded.
She doesn't need to say she hadn't thought of it like that to communicate, very clearly, that she hadn't thought of it like that.
"I'm really grateful when Mimi takes care of things for Yua-mama," Yua says, slowly. "But... I think... I'm even more happy Mimi's thinking like that. Mm, like... you still see me as a person... even when I'm bad at it."
She takes a breath, and shifts, grasping the side of the couch to just straight up sit in Miho's lap, because the world might think they're cousins but their doctor knows that's an artifact of the dub. "Can you hold Hiroki?" She says, and she's said it enough times that Miho surely knows she means holding her belly, by now.
(This far along, he kicks.)
Yua sits there, in Miho's arms, covering her hands with hers over her black leotard as she thinks quietly. Her legs kick, in the space between Miho's, but for long moments she says nothing; it's an argument she's having on the inside.
Is it selfish not to die so her child can live? Is it more selfish to die and leave him to Kimitake when no one knows the danger he's in? Is this whole venture selfish, when she'll die anyway? And if she makes her decision based on that time limit, is she giving up on all Miho's efforts to find some way to save her...?
... is she okay with there being no more Yua?
Can she stand a world where she leaves Miho alone?
Why does that thought make her feel so...
"I don't want to die," she says, softly, at length. "So long as I'm alive... I can try again. I'm not dead yet... so I don't want to die."
<Pose Tracker> Miho Ijuuin has posed.
It is as important to Miho as anything, especially in light of what Yua was put through--the things that were done to her. ...No, Miho will not take that choice from her.
"I do," Miho says quietly. "You are a person. No matter what they tell you."
"I can," Miho says, and does precisely that. She holds onto Yua and onto her belly, and listens. An argument on the inside...
Miho glances to the doctor, once, while they talk.
Then, she looks back to Yua.
"...All right," Miho says, and her expression does not make clear if this was a right or wrong answer; indeed, she's quite adamant that she not say such a thing.
Instead, "Then, Doctor, please listen to Yua's wishes."
"I love you both," Miho says, Yua and Hiroki. "...And I will fight to ensure that your desire is held sacrosanct."
<Pose Tracker> Yua Ijuuin has posed.
"You never told me that," Yua points out, her smile fragile, as Miho insists they're wrong and she is a person. "That's why you're my favourite person in the whole world."
Well, one of the reasons.
Sitting on Miho's lap, like this, it's actually kind of hard to see her expression anyway; maybe that's why she moved here in the first place. (Well, the fact that it's prime real estate to be held by her doesn't hurt.) She sighs, leaning back against her, and wonders if one day she'll ask her whether she made the right call.
... but she can't think like that, when tomorrow's still coming.
"I love you," Yua replies, softly, holding Miho's hands to her. (Perhaps she can feel the belly band she's wearing, beneath her leotard, to keep Hiroki warm; she wouldn't let him get cold, after all.) "We both love you, Mimi, very much. The most! And -- and I love Hiroki too," she adds, a touch sniffly again. "I'm gonna try really hard, okay...? S--so they don't gotta ask!"
"I know you'll do everything you can," Himari assures her. "And if the worst happens, we'll prioritise your life and your ability to try again. Is that right?" She pauses, a moment, and Yua nods. "All right. Your decision doesn't reflect on your worth as a mother," the doctor goes on, gently. "We can see you love him very much. You've endured a very difficult pregnancy to have him, Ijuuin-san, and that will still be true if we're not able to ensure a successful birth. No matter what happens, we'll be here to support you, all right?"
"Okay," Yua nods, breathing out in a long sigh.
"Mooouuu... but being a person is exhausting..."
... yep, that's still Yua.