2026-02-09: I Do Not Have Breath. You Do.
- Log: I Do Not Have Breath. You Do.
- Cast: Shinjiro Aragaki, Aigis
- Where: The Moonlight Bridge
- OOC Date: February 09, 2026
- IC Date: September 23, 2012
- Summary: After escaping the Reaper in Mementos, Shinjiro and Aigis walk down the Moonlight Bridge together and talk about the respective self-perceived values of their own lives compared to the people they must protect. One of them will unavoidably die soon, the other is effectively immortal, but in practice, they act very similarly.
- Content Warnings: Discussion of terminal illness.
(|=========================== The Moonlight Bridge ===========================|) -======================================= Iwatodai City/Tatsumi Port Island ====- A long suspension bridge across the bay connects Iwatodai with the other side of Tatsumi, where one finds Paulownia Mall. The Moonlight Bridge stands in defiance of all the sorrows it has hosted -- ferrying travellers across the water without a word. One can access it by walkway on both sides, while a wide road running through the centre takes road traffic across.
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
For twelve hours, SEES was lost in Mementos. Afterwards, they were tired and hungry, and though that was dealt with, Sunday was taken as a rest day at least by Shinjiro.
His shoulder is still bugging him, but it'll heal. He's spent the day in his room, coming out to eat, but as evening approaches, he goes looking for Aigis.
With everything weighing on him, and what she said to him while being chased by the Reaper... they need to talk.
Once he found her, he invited her on a walk, get some fresh air and clear their heads, and maybe talk about some things.
The walk was silent at first, with Shinjiro simply taking in the scenery, but his trajectory takes them to the Moonlight Bridge. There's *some* people, but it's a relatively quiet place, good for talking. It's a nice evening, not too hot.
"So, how are you holding up?" he asks as they cross over, as if it was a liminal zone of some stripe. (He didn't really want to talk about it too close to the dorm.)
<Pose Tracker> Aigis has posed.
Physically, Aigis is ... fine. Low on charge, but not in need of major non-cosmetic repairs.
Emotionally -- and at this point, Aigis must admit that she possesses some spark of emotion within her, however small -- well, that's how she'll answer.
Aigis hangs her head low. "That was a nerve-wracking experience, even for myself." She stands upright again to look at Shinjiro to briefly clarify something: "I am glad that we succeeded, do not misunderstand."
She averts her gaze to the side as she becomes downcast once again. "However, I have begun to doubt my own capabilities. I have but one purpose, but if others can fulfill it just as easily as I am able to ..."
She's already told Hitomi about it -- part of it, at least. It starts to come out again here, but then she remembers herself. Shinjiro brought her here; presumably he had wanted to speak about something else.
"Never mind that for now," she says as she shakes her head. "In summary, not well, but not bad, either."
Those crystal blue eyes of hers peer directly back at Shinjiro. "How about yourself?"
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
"...yeah. The fact we're all alive is a miracle, but one I'm willing to take," Shinjiro admits.
As Aigis doubts her own capabilities, even if she wants to move on from it, he does take a moment to reassure. "You're a valuable part of this team. And with those you're willing to protect... it's better to have people to support you in it, than to take it all on yourself."
Hypocrisy is a hell of a drug, though, even if he's trying to get better at that.
The conversation moves over to him, though, and he tries to roll his shoulders, before wincing in pain lightly. "I'm holding up," he says, which is better than 'I'm fine'. He does, however, get straight to the point.
"...you told me not to waste my breath. Why?"
He knows he says it often. But to have it repeated... he wants to understand her motives in that moment.
<Pose Tracker> Aigis has posed.
Aigis wears an expression of cold irritation on her face as Shinjiro first reassures her, then immediately after asks her, he asks why she said to not waste his breath.
"In one sense, I was simply telling you to remain alive strictly for the tactical advantages it provides us. You will recall that I placed Palladion between the Reaper's projectile and yourself and tried to take the brunt of it in your stead."
Her face falls into something more soft but somber. "It is precisely as you just said: it's better to have people to support you in protecting others rather than to take it all on yourself."
"It was selfish of me. Had you died -- had any of us met our ends there -- we would have had far lower chances of escaping with our lives intact."
More to the point, it would have decreased Minako's chances of survival, specifically.
Aigis turns her eyes to the side as she explains further. "I am unlike the others in that as long as my core remains intact, replacement parts can be fabricated, and I can be repaired. Others have commented on my self-sacrifical nature, but I am utilizing that aspect of myself to its fullest extent."
To punctuate her point, she once again levels her steely-cold stare at Shinjiro. "I do not have breath. You do."
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
Shinjiro sees the irritation. But he's going somewhere with this.
He listens to her closely. "If Kawase had died..." he can't finish the sentence, but the implication is more or less 'better me than her'.
"Tch," he says as she repeats his words, but it's got no bite. He set himself up for that.
"...My breath is limited," he says. "Do you remember when you asked me if I'm unwell? And I said it was something I need to see through?"
He sighs, hand shaking lightly from both the stress and his natural condition.
"...my life is less valuable than the rest," he says, unable to actually outright say what he needs to say easily. He's said it a lot lately, but something about Aigis's forthright nature makes it more difficult.
"If it had saved the rest of you, that would be acceptable. We're lucky we all got out of there. But I don't..."
He starts to trail off, and then pivots back to say it.
"I don't have much time."
<Pose Tracker> Aigis has posed.
Aigis listens intently to Shinjiro's full explanation, only nodding to confirm when prompted about if she remembers when he said he was unwell.
She owes him that much respect -- to hear him out fully, with no interjections. "A terminal illness, then?" Her own question comes out meekly. "... how much time?"
As she ponders over the rest of Shinjiro's logic, however, she begins to grow more and more confused. "Your argument is that because you have less time to live, then you are the most expendable. Do I understand that correctly?"
Aigis firmly shakes her head and gestures forward with a hand. "If that is all there is to it, then I am afraid I must reject that argument. By that logic, because I have the most time out of anyone to exist, then my life would have the most quote-unquote 'value'."
She clasps both of her hands in front of her, holding them above her waist. Her tone becomes more gentle. "I see it the opposite way. Just as humans with their longer lifespans take care of other life forms with less longevity than themselves, so too is my role to take care of humanity. For instance, see how we all take care of Koromaru-san, or how we tend to the plants on the rooftop garden."
"In my opinion, if anything, such a scarcity is to be further protected." Aigis sadly lowers her gaze again. "Therefore, if you do not have as much time as others ... I believe you get the idea."
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
"...maybe a year," Shinjiro admits. "...organ failure. It's been going on for the past two years." Since he left SEES.
But his eyes widen in surprise when she rejects his argument. That she thinks he needs to be further protected... the comparison to Koromaru, the comparison to the plants.
Those are precious things. Shinjiro can't consider himself among them.
"...that's different. I'm dead already. Why expend effort for me? There's nothing to cultivate. No... future."
It always stings to vocalize what he's lost.
"...I don't *want* to die," he does reassure. "I have people I need to protect. But... if it's me or someone else, I can't be the one prioritized. It's not fair to anyone."
<Pose Tracker> Aigis has posed.
To only have a year left -- Aigis cannot even begin to imagine. Effectively speaking, as long as she avoids taking a direct hit to her core, she is immortal. When it comes down to it, their perspectives starkly contrast against each other.
There's more to his view that she doesn't see right now. She can state her disagreement all she likes, but that intractable gulf does exist between their respective experiences. "Forgive me if I spoke out of turn, then."
"... You do still have that year, you do still have a nonzero amount of time to exist in the future," she corrects. "You are employing hyperbole. Still, if you are afforded even that much more time rather than meet a premature end, you may have a lasting impact on those who you leave behind."
Fairness.
To talk about 'fairness' here at the Moonlight Bridge of all places, the very site of her most grave mistake, her worst failure.
Aigis leans against the railing and looks out to the horizon past where the bridge leads. "Tell me, Aragaki-san: how is it that we can both feel the exact same way given our different lifespans? I do not think it would be fair to prioritize my own survival over the ones who I have a duty to protect."
"I am responsible for why their lives changed so drastically, after all. At least in part."
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
Shinjiro's struggle here, his view, is defined by his self-loathing. Aigis may even be able to realize that, the way he talks, the way he sees himself.
"...I can't be sure I'll have any impact," he admits. "At least, not for the better." Who's writing the story, he wonders? And will he make it in?
His eyebrow does rise, as she explains they feel the exact same way. As they both look out to the horizon. But her reason... what does she mean? It's not his place to pry.
"...I'm the same way. My entire life is wrapped in my mistakes, and I've... made other lives worse. Hell, I haven't even told Aki what's going on yet. I hurt, and hurt, and hurt. and the people I want to protect... Aki, Kirijo... Amada..."
"I have only made their lives worse."
<Pose Tracker> Aigis has posed.
They've come full circle, it seems. The topic that Aigis had diverted from at the start of this conversation when she was speaking about how she was doing.
Aigis smiles, albeit bitterly, with her jaw set in some strange manner. Here. Here! Of all places, here! For him to speak like that! To go on with the same sense of self-loathing that she has for herself!
"I am afraid that I have done the same, in my case. For the Arisato twins." She suppresses the urge she has to strike the railing in frustration and only grips it tightly instead, scraping metal with metal. "This bridge is where their parents died, in the course of my first major deployment, in my conflict against the Shadow which escaped the laboratory."
Aigis buries her face in her hands. "I, too, hurt, and hurt, and hurt." It is still only a half-truth, she is omitting other major details. Something of that magnitude still may be too much to burden anyone else with. "I wish to make up for what I have inflicted upon them, but ... if Takeba-san or Yamagishi-san can do the same just well in my stead -- "
She hunches over, further curling inward. " -- then what reason do I have to continue on this way?! What right do I have to exist if I cannot properly fulfill my only purpose?"
Belatedly, something in what Shinjiro said registers to her. "... Amada-san, you say?"
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
Shinjiro does pause when Aigis grips the railing, when she explains that she is part of the cause of the Arisato twins' parents' death. He didn't really know.
At the least, her own anguish, the anguish of the machine who may well be as much of a person as any of them, snaps his self-loathing off a bit. He places a hand on the railing next to her own, thoughtful, and seems like he's going to speak.
And then he realizes what he said, when Aigis asks, and the self-loathing returns a thousand times. He shouldn't say anything. It's not a good thing to say. But... she told him her own secret, so to avoid her question...
"...two years ago, me, Aki, and Kirijo were on patrol. Big nasty Shadow in a residential district. I went off half-cocked, got really angry, and... I lost control of my Persona."
He rolls his shoulders, another light wince.
"There was a casualty. ...his mother. And now he's here, in the same life as us, facing the same pain as us. He doesn't know. No one but those who were there know among our group. No one *can* know, or they won't trust Aki or Kirijo. The corporation covered it up... and I tried to find a way to control myself, no matter the consequences."
His eyes glance over at her, locked on like a hawk.
"That's why I'm running out of time. The medicine I take... it helps me suppress my Persona, but if I stop taking it, I die. But it's also killing me slowly. It's a catch-22..."
He laughs. It's bitter. "So I want to make sure he's safe. ...I want to make sure no one ever makes the same mistakes I did. I guess that's my reason for returning to the fold, for living even so. My own purpose."
<Pose Tracker> Aigis has posed.
Aigis slowly returns to a standing upright position as she listens to Shinjiro explain. She places her hands at her sides. "... We are more alike even more than I had initially thought. I may not have lost control of my Persona, but I was not strong enough to prevent the Shadow from killing them."
She isn't directly responsible for their deaths, no ... but she had full control over what she did after the battle. The Shadow is not dead, only dormant.
"That ... does explain why both you and I considered Amada-san's induction into SEES as 'the worst possible fate.'" Aigis lowers her gaze again. "We brought them into this -- the Arisato twins and Amada-san."
And in the case of the Arisato twins, that risks everyone's lives.
"I have only said this much about my past deeds to ... Mandai-san and yourself." Aigis shakes her head. "I am uncertain if the Kirijo Group is even aware of the truth of matters. They might, but ... I believe it is more likely that they are not."
That's why she woke up during their visit to Yakushima, after those ten long years. That's why she had escaped from her creators and worked independently from them without their knowledge. She felt them there -- she knew what she had done, and this was why she needed to evade recapture.
The hooded man's words of 'Kirijo wind-up toy!' echo in her mind, and they rang true to her at the time he had said them, but ... this is proof positive that she is capable of acting on her own, isn't it? Shinjiro decided his own purpose, so surely she can do the same.
... but what should that even be? Realizing she is capable of doing so is different than deciding what form that should take.
She places her elbow in one hand to lean her face on the other and pensively closes her eyes. "There is your answer, then, as to why I said you should not waste your breath. You have a purpose to fulfill, do you not? What good would dying down in Mementos have served Amada-san, where he was not present?"
Aigis opens her eyes and stares curiously at Shinjiro -- there's something which hasn't escaped her notice. "There is one part of your story which I do not fully understand. If you were away from SEES for so long until only recently, and if you have been taking this Persona-suppressing medicine for three years, how did you manage to obtain it? It would have to be manufactured by the Kirijo Group, correct?"
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
"...your secrets are safe with me," Shinjiro tells Aigis. He doesn't even ask for reciprocation, though he'll probably get it. "...yeah. And that means we have to be the ones to make sure they make it through."
But about his answer... to why he shouldn't waste his breath. He has a purpose to fulfill. It wouldn't do Amada any good...
"...and it wouldn't do the Arisatos much good to not have you helping them. Even if others can do the same... doing it for yourself is still acceptable. ...but you're right."
But about how he got the medicine. He exhales. "Strega. They sold it to me. Money at first. Then info I picked up on the street. ...and then intel, especially when I needed an Evoker on short notice. Nothing they couldn't have gotten elsewhere, nothing that I thought would directly endanger anyone... but I breached that barrier of trust. I'm going to have to pick up the pieces to fix it, if I even can. But I intend to."
<Pose Tracker> Aigis has posed.
He will. "And likewise." She bows her head when he says 'we have to be the ones,' then nods once before rising.
A relieved smile creeps onto her face. Doing it for herself is acceptable -- "Thank you. I do not think I would have let myself believe that if you had not said so."
One can perhaps imagine the state she was in while she was separated from Minako, with the threat of the Reaper ever looming in the background.
Aigis tilts her head again. "Strega ..? The ones who attacked the dormitory?" She takes a moment to process this, but she doesn't seem angry. Not entirely, at least.
"Given what you must have known or hadn't known yet at any given time, I do not think I can fault you too greatly ..."
"We both have responsibilities which we should not escape from, it seems."
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
"You're welcome," Shinjiro says earnestly.
About Strega... "...yeah. They want to keep the Dark Hour going, apparently. I... can't agree with it, not with everything it's caused. I'm going to help stop them."
And about responsibility, he sighs, but it ends in a light smile. "Guess that's a good enough reason than any to keep moving. Once I'm gone, I'll have to leave it to you and the others to continue for me. ...but there's no reason to rush it right now."
<Pose Tracker> Aigis has posed.
Just as she couldn't fathom Shinjiro's short remainder of life, she can't seem to wrap her head around why Strega would want to maintain the Dark Hour. It is simply outside of the current realm of her experiences.
She nods in agreement that it should be ended. "I feel the same as you. Still, I wish to know more about why they feel that way."
"Not a moment sooner than necessary, mind you -- like you said, no rushing it." Aigis points a finger at Shinjiro. "At that point, I would be more than happy to carry on your task."
Aigis walks forward a few steps, then turns back to face Shinjiro and leans forward as she smiles. "For now, you offered the promise of food, right? Are you planning to cook something again, or are we going to partake of a different kind of meal and social context?"
<Pose Tracker> Shinjiro Aragaki has posed.
"...we'll find out, I suppose." Shinjiro replies. But not a moment sooner than necessary, and Aigis will help once he's gone. That brings another soft smile to his face.
Though, then she's moving. Food, huh... "I'll make something. I did drag you out here for a depressing chat, after all, it's the least I can do."
A small grin rises on his face as he says that.
"Besides, it's relaxing. Maybe I'll teach you how to cook, sometime." Yes, she doesn't *need to*, but it's a good skill to learn!